


Province

by bluedenimdress



Series: bluedenimdress [3]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Action, Drama, Drug Use, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, POV Multiple, Parent-Child Relationship, Post-Game, Romance, non-canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-03 17:53:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 47,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6620509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluedenimdress/pseuds/bluedenimdress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Suddenly, all your history's ablaze<br/>Try to breathe, as the world disintegrates<br/>Just like autumn leaves, we're in for change<br/>Holding tenderly to what remains"</p><p>-TVOTR</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Twisted Logic

**Author's Note:**

> There's a few references later on to my previous stories, but nothing that will detract from this story

ACT I

* * *

 

“Mirelurks?  Dios mio…”  Why did it have to be mirelurks?  I was so sick of eating mirelurk eggs.

Preston paid no attention to my grumbling.  “Our primary objective is to clear the courtyard.  That’s where we should see the most opposition.  The wall on this side is the most exposed, but if we circle around the south side, we could reach the main gate.”

One Minuteman offered her two cents.  “If we split up, we can flank ‘em from both sides.  It’ll be like shooting fish in a barrel.”

“Why not let them come to us?” Another recruit suggested.  “We set up a firing line on this side, and you can draw them out.”

“Well, General, what do you think?”

“What do _I_ think?”  I lit the cigarette perched on my lips and patted the fat man at my side.  “We run in guns a-blazing, of course.”

Hancock pulled a minigun off the vertibird and shouldered it.  “As if there was any other way,” he added with a sneer.

Preston gave me a skeptical grin.  “You’re the General.  Let’s move, people!”

We all charged the 600 year-old concrete structure.  The Minutemen’s bullets and lazers whizzed past me as I ran in front of everyone, taking a rickety metal stairway up to the top of its walls.  I looked out into the courtyard from above and laughed aloud at Hancock light-heartedly waltzing right into the thick of the crab-like creatures, sweeping the over-sized gun across them as though it was a hose and he was watering daisies.  I was always amused by him when he used a minigun.  It was extra entertaining when I was on as many chems as I was that day.

I pulled the fat man up and panned the barrel across the area, carefully selecting my shot.  Perhaps I should have chosen a different weapon – or maybe not taken so much med-x.  Mini nukes were not very forgiving and my inhibited motor skills were making it difficult to steady an aim that wasn’t going to harm any of our men.  I paused to take a hit of jet before committing to pulling the trigger.  As my world slowed to a crawl, I sent a nuke to a corner far outside the skirmish.  The force of the explosion knocked quite a few mirelurks on their backs, but not without tumbling a couple Minutemen, too.  _My bad._

I was doing more harm than good, and they pretty much had things under control down there without me, so I walked the perimeter of the walls and casually overkilled nests of mirelurk eggs with the powerful bomb launcher. 

“Fuck omelets!”  I shouted, sending death raining down on the defenseless nests.  “Fuck scrambled!  Fuck overeasy!”  Eventually, I used up all the mini nukes I had on me and resorted to just stomping the unborn lobsters.  “Fuck!” _Stomp_.  “Mirelurk!”  _Stomp_.  “Eggs!”  _Stomp_.

I had made a complete circle around the Castle’s walls when I stopped to survey the damage in the courtyard.  They were pretty much doing the same thing I was at that point – just walking from nest to nest and exterminating the inconvenient baby pests.  Mission accomplished.

I started to climb down by way of a pile of rubble near where one of the walls had begun to collapse.  Just then, a massive, towering mirelurk queen emerged from the rubble, and I rolled down the jagged concrete onto my ass. 

“Fuuuuuu-!”  I scrambled to my feet and fumbled through my ammo bag for a mini nuke before I remembered I was out.  “Shiiiiiii-!”  I started running across the courtyard in a limp.  Everyone else was facing the direction I was fleeing from, moving backwards and frantically shooting.  Their meager bullets weren’t doing much good against the heavily-shelled behemoth. My eyes darted around in an attempt to find Hancock, but I had lost him in the scuffle.

Suddenly, I became aware of the beating of helicopter blades approaching us.  I looked behind me and caught sight of our vertibird rising over the Castle wall, piloted by Hancock.  “Fuck yeah!  That’s my man!”  I cheered, pumping my fist in the air.  He maneuvered the aircraft to where I was and I hopped on.  “Everyone, take cover!”  I shouted to the Minutemen as Hancock pulled us up into the sky.  They all scattered to the sides.

I pulled some mini nukes out of the vertibird’s storage and reloaded the fat man, while Hancock circled us around the mirelurk queen.  “This is my fort, now, pendejo,” I spoke under my breath as I pulled the trigger on the launcher.  The mini nuke arched out the side of the vehicle, falling directly on top of the mutated predator and it exploded into bloody chunks that sprinkled from one end of the courtyard to the other.  Hancock and I erupted into laughter.

“That never gets old!”  He shouted over the pounding of the vertibird blades.  He took us in for a landing in the center of the Castle, and everyone cautiously came out of hiding.

Preston made his way toward us and the Minutemen gathered around.  “Good work people, but we aren’t done yet.  The General and I are going to have a look at the radio to see what shape it’s in.  The rest of you… clear out any remaining mirelurks or eggs you find.”  He turned to us.  “So, what do you think of Fort Independence, or ‘the Castle’ as we used to call it?”

Hancock nodded.  “You did good, Preston.”

Bloody and bruised from my tumble down the rubble, I dug through my bag until I found a stimpak.  “Could use a couple potted plants, maybe an area rug… some walls,” I replied sarcastically.

Preston got a little defensive.  “I know it’s going to need some work, but it’ll be worth it in the end.”

“I’m just messing around.  The walls have actually held up surprisingly well for being 600 years old.” 

“Yeah,” he added.  “They don’t make ‘em like they used to.”

“We definitely need to patch the existing holes, but I think this will work out fantastically.  It’s going to be a load off my mind to not have Sanctuary be the Minutemen’s base anymore since there are so many civilian families settled there now. If I get the radio going and a supply line set up, you think the men can handle things from there?  You know I don’t mind helping, but this is a huge project and I haven’t been home to see Shaun lately.”

“Shouldn’t be an issue.  I already got someone in mind to keep this place running in shipshape - a woman named Ronnie Shaw - but I’ll need the radio working to get hold of her.”

“I’m on it.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Look at you.  I must still be dreaming.”

I smiled.  “Good morning, querido.”  It was such a calming feeling to open my eyes in my own bed back in Sanctuary and have Hancock be the first thing I see.  “What time is it?”

He groaned, reaching for the pip-boy on the nightstand.  “About eight.”

“Damn.” The calm was short-lived.  I grabbed the pip-boy from him and started getting out of bed. 

Hancock’s sleepy eyes followed my motions, his head resting on his hand.  “What’s the rush, love?  It’s still early.”

“For us, maybe, but not for Shaun.  I have to make him breakfast.”

“Hey, don’t stress yourself.  I heard him getting up a little while ago and he already went outside to play.  He’s not complaining.”

“What, really?”  I pulled my dress on over my head and gave Hancock a quick kiss.  “I gotta get going.”

“I don’t see what the big deal is,” he called out to me as I moved down the hallway.  “He probably already ate breakfast at Marcy’s house.  You know how she likes to dote over the kid.  It’s not like she enjoys anything else…”

“Exactly,” I answered from the kitchen, pulling out a mirelurk egg with no joy.  “She already thinks we’re bad parents since we’re gone so much.  I don’t want to give her more reasons to judge so harshly.”  I rushed to the front door and poked my head outside, scanning the yard for Shaun.  He was under the carport across the street, shadowing Sturges while he worked diligently.  Dogmeat was at his heels, as usual.  The pooch stuck by his side at all times.

Hancock appeared in the entrance to the hallway, half dressed with his coat and his boots in his arms.  “You shouldn’t worry so much what people think about you.  Isn’t that the sort of thing you told me you hated about your old life?”

I was tying an apron around my waist.  “Yes.”  I called out the door to my son, “Shaun!  Have you ate yet?”

“No, mom.”

“Alright.  Breakfast will be ready shortly.”  I rushed back to the counter and resumed preparing the meal.

Hancock sat at the dining table and pulled his boots on.  “So don’t fall back into the same old habits.  You’re going to make yourself miserable.  Besides, it’s not like you’re gone all the time because you’re fucking off.  You’re out there pulling the Commonwealth together.  Somebody’s gotta do it, and until Marcy is willing to, I don’t think she has any room to judge.”

“That may be, but I just know how other parents are, and she is particularly unpleasant as it is, not to mention that she thinks I take Shaun for granted since she lost her child.”

He put his arms through the sleeves of his coat and then wrapped them around me from behind at the kitchen counter.  “That’s not your fault, love.  Don’t beat yourself up over it or you’ll end up depressed like her husband.”  He started swaying a little bit, rocking me back and forth in a slow dance.

I turned to him and he leaned in for a deep kiss.  I pulled my face away.  “Why are you always such a huge distraction?”

“Am I?”

Wiggling out of his arms, I turned back to the counter.  “Let’s just get breakfast out of the way, and maybe I’ll let you distract me some more.”

“What can I do to help?”

“I got this covered.  You can do whatever you like.”

He popped a mentat in his mouth and started walking to the front door.  “Alright.  Come get me when it’s ready,” he said with a nonchalant wave to me from behind.

About twenty minutes later, I was plating the food.  With the table all set, I went back to the door and looked outside for my boys.  They were in the front yard, crouched down, doing something together, while Dogmeat happily romped in circles around them.  I reclined on the doorframe to watch, thrilled that they were hitting it off so well.

Hancock pulled his knife out and showed off his twirling for Shaun, who looked on eagerly and wide-eyed. Hancock made some motions in the air in front of them and guided Shaun’s fingers into the same pattern he used to spin the knife.  Hancock held the knife out to him and he carefully took it in his tiny hands.  With Hancock’s hands around his fist, Shaun held the blade out in front of him and started imitating the spin…

I was already rushing across the yard.  “John Hancock!”  They both looked up at me in surprise and the knife slipped out of their hands, sticking straight up in the ground in front of them.  I snatched up the blade.  “You can’t teach him _that_!”

“And why not? 

“Yeah, why not, mom?”

“Because it’s dangerous, mi hijo.”  I said gently.

Hancock smirked.  “Better he learns under my supervision than for him to try on his own.”

I sighed, handing the knife back to Hancock.  “We’ll discuss this later.  C’mon.  Breakfast is ready.”

Dogmeat barked. 

“No, you stay outside while we eat.”

He whimpered and walked to his doghouse by the front door.

After we ate, Shaun took off down the hall and I started clearing the table.  “So, querido, about you being a distraction… I have some free time now.”

“Can’t do it, love.  I promised Shaun I’d teach him how to shoot.”

“You did?”

“Or is that too ‘dangerous’?”

Just then, Shaun emerged from the hallway.  It was obvious to me he had been rummaging through my dresser, because he was wearing an oversized red jacket on top of one of my pre-war ruffled blouses and the tri-cornered Minutemen General hat I had found at the Castle.  The baggy clothes sagged on his small frame and the hat almost completely engulfed his head.  He had a bb gun in his hand and an unlit cigarette perched in his mouth.  “You ready, dad?”

“Shaun!” I exclaimed.  “Take that out of your mouth right now!”

He reluctantly removed the cigarette and I took it from him, tucking it behind my ear.

Hancock chuckled and patted the top of his head, the large hat sliding forward a little.  “Why don’t you go ask Sturges for some empty Nuka Cola bottles and go line them up on the fence?  I’ll meet you there in a minute.”

He pushed the brim of the hat back up.  “Can I bring Billy?”

“I don’t see why not.”

I folded my arms.  “To shoot things?  You better ask his parents first.”

“Okay!”  As he ran to the door, I saw him remove an inhaler from his pocket.

“Stop right there!”  I yelled and he froze in his tracks.  “What is that in your hand?!”

He sheepishly opened his fist and held the inhaler out to me.  “It’s empty, mom.”

“No!  Absolutely not!  Give it here.”  I held my hand open and he placed it in my palm.  I shook it to feel if it was actually empty, and it was.  Just the same… “You and I need to talk!”

“Why?  I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“You know why.  And you!” I turned to Hancock.  “You should know better!”

“What?!  I didn’t give that to him!”

Shaun pouted.  “It’s just for looks!  This is bullsh –“

“Excuse me?!”

He lowered his face.  “I wasn’t going to do anything with it.”

I fixed my irritated gaze on Hancock.  “We’ll talk later.  Go outside, Shaun.”

“But –“

“Now!”

Once he was out the door, I took the cigarette from behind my ear and lit it, my hands shaking with restrained anger.  “So this is how it is.  I have to be bad cop?”

Hancock frowned.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You have to remember he’s just a child.  He really looks up to you, so you have to set a better example.”  I held the empty container of jet out to him.

He started to tense up and his eyes narrowed.  “Just what are you saying, Felina?  You don’t expect me to…”  I could tell he was starting to get combative.

I sighed.  “Just don’t do it in front of Shaun, okay?  Do a sweep over the house for all the paraphernalia you can find and put it in the safe.”  I placed the inhaler in his hand.  “Even the empty ones.”

He looked down at the inhaler, scowling.  “So are you my mom now, too?” He asked bitterly.

“If I have to be.”

He closed his fingers around the jet and exhaled.  “I’m sorry, Felina.  You’re right.  I’ll try to set a better example around the kid.”

I was relieved that this wasn’t turning into a full-blown fight.  “Thank you, John.”  I grabbed his hand.  “You know, despite all this, it warms my heart that you two are getting along.  You’ll get the hang of this parenting thing.  I know it.”

He smirked.  “Can I go play now?”

“After you do what I asked.”

“Okay, mom.”  He kissed me on the cheek and took off.

While he rounded up all the chems and locked them up, I finished cleaning the kitchen.  Hancock went out back, and I untied my apron and hung it by the stove.  Looking out the window, I could see Shaun, Dogmeat, and Billy, the ghoul child we saved outside Quincy, already waiting by the fence as Hancock approached them.  I shook my head with a smile and went back to the bedroom.

I opened the safe and examined all the chems lying there.  It looked like he had done a pretty thorough job.  He even gathered the rad-x and the radaway, though I didn’t think that was exactly necessary.  I removed a syringe of med-x and pushed up my sleeve for a recreational hit.  I could feel the drug coursing through me when I pushed in the plunger, but the effects didn’t hit me as hard as they used to.  I wasn’t surprised, though.  I had noticed that a while back and came to expect it.  I pulled my rolled-up sleeve down over the crook of my elbow and placed the empty needle back in the safe.

I grabbed the bottle of rad-x, turning it idly in my hand.  I opened my other hand and looked down at my palm.  The skin was flaking and peeling there just under where my fingers met my palm and a little in between – something else I had noticed recently.  I was surprised no one else had. 

I unscrewed the cap and dumped a couple of the pills onto the raw skin on my palm, just looking at them.  After a few moments of thought, I decisively dropped the loose pills back in the bottle and returned it to the safe without taking any. 

I closed the safe door and grabbed my guitar before heading out back to join the boys.

 


	2. The Guns of Boston

After a few days in Sanctuary, we were getting ready to pay Goodneighbor a visit.  For the most part, Fahrenheit had been handling things for him when he was away, but Hancock was expecting a large shipment of supplies and he wanted to be present when they were delivered.

Shaun was pouting as we hugged him goodbye near our stolen vertibird.  “Why can’t I go with you?”

“You already know it’s too dangerous, hijo.”

“You think everything is too dangerous.   Dad taught me how to shoot.  I can take care of myself.”

“Not yet.”  Hancock ruffled his hair.  “I still have more to teach you.  Just keep practicing ‘til I get back.”

We always tried to be as efficient as possible to keep our time away from Shaun to a minimum, so on this particular trip, I would also be meeting with Lynn at the Railroad HQ to discuss a treaty with the BoS while we were in the area, since the Railroad had formed an alliance with the Minutemen…

“General, I have something a bit different for you this time.”

And, of course, knock out any Minutemen duties that may arise.  “Why would you say that, Preston, when you know you don’t?  It’s always the same.  Some settlement needs us to kill a couple raiders or ferals for them… Haven’t we armed everyone at this point?  Everyone is supposed to be becoming self-sufficient.  That’s the whole point of the Minutemen, right?  To be ready at a minute’s notice.  They’re supposed to be the ones helping and protecting other people by now…”

Everyone looked at me bemusedly.

“Well, yes, General, but this particular settlement, despite being well-armed and trained, is getting frequently attacked by the same outfit of raiders.  They said the raiders are starting to outnumber them and they can’t hold them off on their own.”

I sighed.  “Alright, Preston.  I’ll look into it.”

“Good.  I’ll mark it on your map.”

“Sorry for being so short,” I said, as I held my pip-boy out to him.

He put in the coordinates.  “Already forgotten.  Just be careful, okay?”

“We will.  Keep an eye on Shaun for us.”  I kissed Shaun on the forehead before boarding the vertibird.

He pursed his lips to one side.  “I’m not a baby.”

“Believe me, I know.” 

“Don’t forget my hotplate, this time.”

I raised an eyebrow.  “Your what?”

“Hotplate.”

“Sturges doesn’t have one in the shop you can use?” 

“No.  Remember, you asked me that last time, and I told you he didn’t.  You’re just going to forget again…”

“I won’t forget, hijo.”  I started up the engine and the blades began to spin.  I turned to Hancock.  “You feel like piloting, today?”

“Sure.”  He slid into the seat as I slid out.  I grabbed onto the sidebar and pulled my pip-boy up to my face to examine the map.  “That way,” I said, pointing dramatically to the east.

“Aye aye, captain.”  We rose up into the air and took off.

 

* * *

 

The vertibird we had stolen from the Prydwen was extremely helpful when it came to running errands across the Commonwealth.  We were at the settlement in no time, and if things went well, we could make it to Goodneighbor by noon.  As we got close to our destination, we could see the blue flag with the white Minutemen symbol flying over the scantily walled community built around a Red Rocket truck stop.  We landed in a field right outside town and approached the gate.

I waved to the guard watching from the roof of the gas station.  “Tell the people the General is here.”

He seemed impressed by our fancy entrance.  “Wow!  I thought the Brotherhood of Steel were the only ones with those things!  You Minutemen really got your shit together…”

“Hey, you’re one of us, too,” Hancock called to him as we walked past.  “We all got our shit together, am I right?”

“Yes, sir!”  He shouted in our direction, shutting the gate behind us.

A man in green army fatigues and mismatched metal armor jogged to greet us. “I wasn’t expecting them to send the General herself!  I’m honored!” 

“Eh, no biggie.  We had to come through here anyway.” 

He extended his hand and shook mine and then Hancock’s.  “I’m Landis, head of defense, here.”

“So what’s going on, Landis?”

“I’m sure they told you we have a raider problem.  Their numbers have been growing.  They’re getting more organized and their attacks are getting more frequent.  They have found a way to scale the walls, and they try to sneak in here at night to steal resources.  We’ve already lost a few people in the resulting firefights.  We sent a couple scouts to gather some info on their outfit and the raiders are apparently holed up in a metro tunnel a couple miles south of here.  Our scouts couldn’t get an accurate estimate on how many there are, but they are certain there are more of them than there are us.”

“Metro tunnel?”  Hancock’s brow furrowed.  “Guess we won’t be carpet bombing them in the vertibird.”

I looked at Hancock skeptically.  “ _Is_ that a thing the vertibird can do?”

“I dunno, but it sounds fun, doesn’t it?”

“When do you want to go?” Landis asked us.  “I can round up a few folks to back you up while you go talk to Nepi.  He’s one of the scouts and has all the details we know about their camp.”

“That’s alright.  Just point me to Nepi and we’ll be on our way.  We have a lot to do today, and we can take care of this ourselves, no problem.”

Landis raised an eyebrow at me.  “Maybe I am understating exactly how dangerous this outfit is…”

“No, no, you did a fine job emphasizing the danger.  I just… Don’t worry, okay?  Now, where can I find Nepi?”

Still astonished, he pointed to a small shack behind him.

 

* * *

 

After getting a briefing from Nepi, We returned to the vertibird and Hancock flew us to a nearby metro tunnel entrance.

“I don’t think this is the right entrance, mi amor.”

“Oh, I know.  They’ll be expecting visitors through the other entrance.  I figured a little extra walking would be worth it if we can get the jump on them.”

“Good thinking.”  I grabbed my waist pouch and put it on.

He rifled through our duffle bag and tossed me a silencer for my heavily modified pipe pistol.  As I was attaching it, he tossed me another smaller pistol in a short holster.  While I was strapping it to my thigh under my skirt, he was filling his pockets with chems and shotgun shells. 

“This silencer isn’t going to be worth anything if you plan on using the sawed-off,” I remarked.

He flashed me his knife and slid it back into its slot in his boot.  “The shotgun is just for back up.”  He took a hit of jet and tossed me a needle and an inhaler.  “A little something to liven up the day.”

I injected the med-x immediately and shoved the jet in my pocket.  “Go ahead and grab all the med-x.”

“Already got you covered, love.”  He kept rummaging through the bag.  “Where are all the stimpaks?”

I patted the pouch on the side of my belt.  “I got ‘em right here.”

“You got ammo?”

I patted the pouch on the other side.  “Yep.”

“You gonna wear any armor?”

“Nah, I’ll be fine.”

He popped a final mentat and threw our bag into a padlocked trunk.  “I guess we’re all set then.”

We entered the metro crouched down and moved slowly and quietly through the dank tunnel.  The subway tracks were empty as far down as I could see in the dim light.  “Maybe we came in a little too far.”

“Good.  That means they couldn’t have heard the vertibird.  They’ll never know we’re here.”

I caught a glimpse of a radroach on the tunnel wall and I shot it down as quick as I saw it.  I winced as it let out a hideous squeak and fell to the ground, belly up with its repugnant legs bent inward and twitching.  “I fucking hate those things almost as much as deathclaws!  Always have.”

“Some folks eat ‘em, ya know.”

“I’d rather starve.”  I took the jet from my pocket and sucked back its contents.  “That’s fucking disgusting.” 

We crept in the dark silence for a while when the intermingling of my chems peaked and my mind started to wander.  “You know, there’s a phenomenon I became aware of in the past 200 years – how the little things you never liked can end up being something you miss one day.  For example, I used to hate that feeling when I would open a drawer and see the fleeting shadow of a bottlecap-sized roach scurrying away from the light accompanied by the pitter-patter of its tiny feet scuffling against the sides of the drawer like leaves blowing across pavement.  Like, you blink and you could miss it.  Nowadays, I would _love_ for that to be my problem instead of opening the shower curtain and seeing a dog-sized one napping in the tub.”

“I ain’t entirely sure I understand.  Do you have another example?”

“Yeah, sure.  I used to hate having to smash roaches with a shoe because of the crunching sound they make when you crush them.  Now, I have to take a gun to the bathroom with me because of the radroach that might be chilling in the shower.  The clean up is much worse, too.”

“Still not getting it.”

“Mmmm, roaches used to be much smaller.”

“Oh…”  He thoughtfully lit a cigarette.  “And you’re calling that a phenomenon?”

“Not the roaches.  The feeling.”

“Does this phenomenon of yours only apply to roaches?

“No…”

“I think that’s how you lost me.”

I was getting a little frustrated.  “All I’m trying to say is that the end of the world called attention to a lot of things I used to take for granted.”

Hancock chuckled as he tapped the cigarette with his finger.  The hot ashes landed in a murky puddle, hissing as they hit the cool, underground moisture.  “I see.  But you were trying to be all poetic and profound about it.”

“Maybe a little.”

“Well, don’t feel bad.  You only missed the mark because either you are on too many chems or I ain’t on enough.”

After walking for what seemed like forever, we approached a curve in the tunnel and started to hear the faint echo of voices up ahead.  Without a word between us, Hancock and I got lower and closer to the walls.  He turned to me, his knife poised, and made a few hand motions indicating he was going to sneak up ahead and slit throats.  I was to hang back and pick them off from afar.  My stupid little revelation about radroaches may have escaped him, but we understood each other perfectly when it came to battle.

We cautiously rounded the wide corner.  The tail end of a string of wrecked subway cars was on the tracks, and there were shoddy bunkers crafted from scrap wood and street signs scattered around on the sides of the tunnel.  I started taking a mental count of how many were ahead while Hancock disappeared onward into the shadows.  I counted sixteen, which left us at eight apiece. 

I edged closer to the camp and took cover at one of their makeshift half-walls edged with barbed wire.  I carefully lined up a shot and started picking them off.  I was still unnoticed after taking out six of them, but no more were in range.  I moved forward to the next closest barrier, a tire wall now unmanned due to my apt shooting.  Two more down and I had carried my weight, which meant that every raider I brought down after that was a gain on Hancock. 

I took out the last couple raiders I saw and started approaching the center of the camp while on alert for any I may have missed.  I made my way past a few more poorly-built structures to what appeared to be the raiders’ common area with a fire pit and cooking pot set up in the middle of some benches.  There were quite a few incapacitated bodies there wounded at the neck – eleven at a quick glance – indicating that Hancock was on top his game.  It also meant I had miscalculated how many there were to begin with.  I glanced around and didn’t see any sign of Hancock.  I also didn’t see any signs of more raiders, so I relaxed a little.

I looted a couple bodies for caps and ammo and rummaged through the raiders’ belongings until I found a broken hotplate.  Unsure if it would suit Shaun’s purposes, I grabbed it anyway.

I continued on, stepping on board a nearby subway car.  As soon as both my feet touched ground into the cab, I felt a hand grab my waist.  I turned around, expecting it to be Hancock.  My eyes went wide when I saw that I was in the arms of a raider. 

“Well, what have we here?  You mean to tell me it was a broad that took down all our men?”

I tried to break free, but then a second raider stepped out of the shadows, immediately snatching my pistol from my hand.  “Look.  She has a silencer on this thing.”  He tossed the gun out the side of the car and it tumbled into some grating.  “Ain’t that just like a woman to use some cheap tactics like that.”

“You gotta admit, she’s got balls coming in here on her own.”  My captor flashed his grimy, gnarled teeth in a sickly grin.  “How do you feel about revenge stories, doll?  ‘Cuz you got a lotta bodies out there to atone for.”


	3. For the Equally Damaged + Coda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A warning, this chapter is by far the most troubling thing I’ve written. Contains knife play, bondage/kinda rough sex, and an unsuccessful attempt at non-consensual sex. I tried to err on the side of harmless but if you are at all squeamish, just skip to the next chapter.

One was holding me down with my back against the row of subway seats and the other was tying my hands behind my back to the seats’ legs with rope.  I started kicking at him and in the scuffle, my skirt rode up some.  The one holding me down caught sight of the pistol holstered to my upper leg. 

“What’s this?  A toy gun?” he said as he pulled it from its strap. “Thought this would protect you, huh?”  He tossed it aside and started running a hand up my thigh.  I landed a desperate kick to his face.  His head recoiled to the side from the force, and as he slowly drew it back to face me, a dribble of blood became visible in the corner of his mouth.  Snarling and pissed off, he spit the blood at me and grabbed at my thighs.  “I’m going to have to teach you some manners,” he grumbled as he violently pushed my legs apart, positioning himself between them.

The raider I kicked started unbuckling his pants and my heart raced in a panic.  Where the fuck was Hancock?  I squeezed my thighs against him as hard as I could to prevent him from getting access.

“Ow!” He winced, pushing back. “You’re pretty strong for a bitch.”

It took all of my strength and focus to hold him off.  My legs were shaking, his bloody spit was dripping down my cheek, and I had no breath to scream for help, but he couldn’t part my legs from his sides.  The raider that tied me up stood up and moved in front of me, a foot firmly planted on either side of my hips.  “Don’t make this harder than it has to be,” he said as he went for his own pants, inching closer to my face.  “You might enjoy it…”

Just then, I caught a fleeting glimpse of Hancock moving swiftly behind them outside the subway car’s windows.  Just as quickly, he disappeared from sight and within moments, I felt the raider’s body between my legs go limp with a quiet groan.  My knees snapped together as his body slid backwards across the floor, unnoticed by his comrade, who had grabbed hold of my throat.

He suddenly toppled over backwards when Hancock grabbed him from behind in a flip.  The raider tumbled to a stop flat on his ass, and his head banged against the opposite row of seats.  “Mother fucker…” he grumbled, holding the back of his skull.  “Who the fuck are you?”

“Her husband,” Hancock seethed, spinning his knife. 

The raider took one look at his associate’s lifeless body laid out on the ground and started calling out to reinforcements outside the cab.  He reached for my gun on the floor near him.  Hancock kicked it out of his hands and dove on top of him, slashing and stabbing at him repeatedly until he stopped moving.  He was still straddling the raider’s corpse when three more rushed through the doorway. 

He looked over his shoulder at them, growling, his chest heaving with vengeful, raging breaths.  He sprang up into an attack position and began hacking and slashing at them, too, all the while dodging swings from a crowbar and bullets flying toward him.  Unable to get free, I watched in awe and growing excitement as he made short work of them with nothing but his knife, carving into them artfully as they fell, one by one, each one more astonished than the last that they couldn’t take him down. 

When they were all dead, he froze, his posture residually aggressive and his shoulders rising and falling with his panting.   He still had his back to me when he asked, “Are you okay, Felina?”

“Uh, yeah.”

In that moment, I was highly turned on by the sight of my vicious hero in the flickering metro lights, drenched in the blood of my captors, knife in hand.  Standing among the piles of their dead bodies, the edge of his flag-belt and his coat tails waved a little at his legs.  I completely forgot about the raiders as a flutter swept over me and my vision glassed over in dreamy adoration.

“Those fucking rat bastards…” he mumbled to himself.  He turned to face me while he was wiping his blade clean.  I saw his feral expression soften when he read mine.  “Are you sure you’re okay?”  He began taking slow steps in my direction.  He squatted down in front of me, palming my face and looking with great concern into my eyes.  “Did they hurt you?”

“No.”

“Did they –“

“No.”

He blinked slowly, taking a deep breath.  “Are you _sure_ you’re okay?”

“It’s fine, querido.  You’re here now.  I couldn’t be better.”

He leaned closer to me as he reached his knife around to cut the ropes at my wrists. My already speeding pulse completed the shift from fight-or-flight to arousal and my breathing became excited, making my breasts heave inches away from his face.  His eyes briefly trailed down to the subtle bounce before darting back to my face, and his hand stopped right above the knots.  “Well, my little troublemaker.  I knew you were a thrill-seeker, but I never realized until now...” 

“What?” I asked, squirming a little in my bonds.

He pulled the knife back in front of me and paused with it right above my chest.  My eyes followed the sharp edge and I felt a rush of blood spread to my head as my face burned. 

He turned the blade over slowly, and my eyes stay locked onto it.  “See something you like?”

“Huh?  Umm, yeah…”

“Danger really does get you going, doesn’t it?”  He swept the bloody spit off my hot, flushed cheek with his rough thumb, wiping it on his pants.  “I recognize that look on your face.  You want me right now,” he said, looking into my eager eyes with a knowing smile.

“Yeah…” I replied, barely audible.  My legs intuitively started wrapping around his figure.

“Really?   I can’t believe I never made that connection before...”  He looked me up and down, observing me.  “What if I don’t release you?”

My heart skipped a beat.  “I think I’d like that.”

The corners of his mouth curled wider.  “Then let’s see what happens.”  He began flicking my buttons open in that way I like with one hand.  His eyes darted back to my face, searching for my approval.  Satisfied with what he saw, he resumed opening my dress.  My breathing became more rapid as he slowly pushed the edges off to the side with the tip of his blade, revealing a thin tank top.  He lightly hooked the knife’s tip into the threads of the thin shirt, pulling it away from my stomach into a small tent.  He held it there for a second before skillfully flicking the blade through the cloth and carefully dragging it up, splitting the shirt down the center and ending with the blade precariously close to my neck.  He once again proficiently pulled back the layers with his steel, freeing my chest.  The sharpness just barely grazing my flesh sent a shiver down my spine. 

“Feel free to stop me at any time, love.”

“By all means, please continue.”

He pressed his tongue to my collarbone and licked one long stroke up the length of my neck.  Pulling his mouth back, he began tracing my curves with the blade’s tip, starting at my throat and sliding it down to my chest, pressing slightly, but not enough to break the skin.  He dipped his head to my breasts and took one nipple in his mouth, flicking lightly with his tongue before carefully taking it between his teeth.  He gently grated the edges up to the peak and bit down. 

“Ouch!”  I pulled away as much as I could.

“So it’s just the danger, not the pain?”  He asked for confirmation.

My eyes were wide from the jarring sting.  “Just the danger,” I said with resolution, wiggling my restrained arms a little to emphasize my point.  “Not too much pain.”

“Dually noted,” he said, as he produced a syringe of med-x from his coat pocket.  He hastily injected it into my vulnerable, restricted arm and tossed it aside.  My body shivered from the chemical rush as he slid down to my feet.  With the knife in his teeth, he put a hand on each ankle and began carefully drawing his palms up my legs with my skirt gathering just in front of them. 

With the entire length of fabric bunched at the top of my legs, he crawled to his knees between my thighs and took a hit of med-x for himself.  He briefly closed his eyes and a small, satisfied groan vibrated across the knife between his teeth within moments of pushing in the plunger. 

He began subtly scraping the edge of his blade on my inner thighs, his eyes following the movements he was making in pure enchantment, and my intense curiosity had me do the same.  The point of the knife expertly skimmed the sensitive flesh inside my legs, leaving faint welts.  I was moaning quietly, but I was stark stiff, scared that a wrong move could prove damaging.  I had never experienced that kind of arousal before, and I was a little amazed by how much I liked it. 

He brushed his fingertips lightly across the raised flesh, quietly rumbling to himself.  After a moment, he resumed drawing on me with the knife, but stopped abruptly, the cool metal resting on my skin. 

“You still with me?”

“Mmm, yeah.”

“Think you could handle a little more?”

“Definitely.”

“Don’t move,” he said flatly, and in an instant, he raked the blade quickly and cleanly across the inside of my thigh.  I felt a warm trickle of blood race down my leg. 

“Ah!” I cried out, mostly in surprise.  I could tell it wasn’t a deep cut, and it didn’t even register as pain.  My muscles untightened as a spark of pleasure shot through me.

Sliding his knife into his boot, he placed his tricorn hat on my head.  Then he dove his face to the shallow scratch and slowly dragged his warm, wet tongue up my thigh, catching all of the blood and gently sucking at me.  He made his way to my entrance and softly growled as he plunged his tongue inside.  My back reflexively arched as the sensations blossomed through my core and raced to my extremities.  My sudden movement caused the rope around my wrists to dig into them, and the pressure sent another sensation from my hands, rushing to meet the first from the other direction.  I was tingling all over and I started getting lightheaded.  “Oh, John….”

He growled into me again.

“Fffffuck…” I whispered.

He lapped at me gratifyingly with his hands squeezing at my thighs as I wiggled and twisted in my bonds.  Just as I was getting close, he sat up.

“Wait, what are you doing?”

“You trust me, don’t you?”

“You’re not going to let me come?” I asked in disbelief, my center throbbing in a nagging way.

“Of course I will, but you don’t get to until I decide it’s time.”

His words ironically pushed me a little closer to my edge, but not far enough.

He leaned in to my face and placed a delicate kiss on my lips.  “You know I love you, right?”

I licked my lips and caught a faint metallic hint of my own blood on my tongue mingled with Hancock’s distinct taste.  “Of course, querido,” I breathed, reeling.

“Good,” he said as he stood up, reaching for the closure on his pants.  When his hands moved away, his member vigorously sprang loose in my face.  “You know what to do.”

I opened wide and he slowly pushed himself in, touching the back of my throat.  The tricorn hat tilted upward and slid down the back of my head a little as his hips closed the gap between us.  I sputtered around his girth, trying to pull in air. 

“You okay, love?” He asked me, utterly still.

“Mmm hmm,” I hummed with a full mouth. 

He shuddered and moaned at the vibrations my response made around him.  “Ahhh, Felina…”  He began cautiously pumping in and out.  I tried to move my tongue, but it just fluttered in a restricted manner underneath him, so I sucked.  Hard.

“Oh, shit,” he moaned as he grabbed onto the hair at the base of my neck, tangling his fingers into a comfortable tension pulling at my scalp.  He continued pushing and pulling my head with perfectly controlled strength until I could feel him growing harder in my mouth.  “Are you ready?” He asked.

“Mmm hmm.”

He let go of my hair and the hot juices flowed down my throat.  I laboriously swallowed and growled onto him, eliciting some extra volume from his final moans.  As I gasped to catch my breath, he removed himself and gently caressed a dry finger across my lips, collecting the accumulated saliva. 

“Atta girl.  Not a drop spilt.”  He stepped back unsteadily and fastened his pants, drunk from his orgasm.  “Now, it’s your turn,” he informed me as he got down on his knees beside me.  He put an arm around me, pulling himself close for another kiss.  His other hand cradled my face.  While our lips were locked together, the hand in front wandered down my neck, pausing for some firm gropes at my bosom, and then traveling further down between my thighs.  I writhed in anticipation, the ropes holding tightly at my wrists.

He entered with two fingers, and my walls started contracting around him.   His tongue slipped in my mouth as he worked a third finger inside, something he had never done to me before.  I moaned at the added pressure, and my hands instinctively tried to reach toward it, further tightening the ropes that held them in place.  I felt excessive wetness spreading around my thighs as he deftly worked his fingers at me, stretching and filling me up.

He pulled out of our kiss and drew his gaze downward to observe his handiwork. “Is that good?” He asked earnestly. 

I leaned my face forward, pressing my lips to his forehead.  “Oh, yeah,” I breathed onto his head, barely able to speak.

He looked up at me.  “You want more?”

I hesitated, unsure of my limit.  “If you can.”  I opened my bent legs wider.

His free arm careened down my torso from behind, gripping at my hips.  “Try to relax, then.”  The tip of his fourth finger steadily made its way in, and it felt insanely good.  I gasped and grinded down on his hand, pushing him in further.  He darted his face back to mine in surprise, eagerly meeting my eyes.  “More?”

I only nodded, unable to form words.

He took a deep breath and exhaled an aroused growl as his thumb wiggled against my lips, trying to meet with the rest of his fingers.  Once he decided it wasn’t going that way, he pulled the others out a bit and tried again, never quite getting all the way in.  “Tight as ever,” he remarked.

Maybe it was the med-x, but I wanted it.  I wanted him.  I attempted to push down onto him deeper.  “Hancock!”

He was visibly turned on by the way he had me, his half-lidded eyes dilated in a daze and the growing bulge returning to his pants.  He was taking slow, conscious breathes.  Still partially inside, he held me closer with the arm he had around my back, and he began lightly sucking at my neck.  “How bad do you want to come right now, love?” He asked in a low, melodic purr, his lips just beside my ear.

I was dizzy and my eyes were watering.  “Yes, John… Please…”

He removed all his fingers at once and plunged back in with just two, spreading them apart inside.  He then curled them upward, going straight for the spot while feeling around with his thumb on the outside for my button.  He pressed gently, making tight circles while his coarse fingertips pushed from the other direction inside me, every press sending a pulsing, intense bliss up my body.  I felt my climax rapidly building and he was getting tuned up by my reactions.

“Oh, fuck!  _Fuck_!” I cried.

“Come on.” His panting was mixed with that animalistic gravel in his voice.  “Come for me, Felina.”

It didn’t take much from that point.  Seeing stars, I arched my head back as the orgasm washed over me, my legs trembling and my hands pulling at the ropes.  He slumped over on me with his head between my breasts, drawing both his hands across my waist and up my back as he pulled me into a tight embrace. 

I frantically pressed kisses all around his bare head as the last of the thrills shook through me.  “Oh my god…!” I hissed through short, sharp breathes.

“Mmmmm,” he growled into my chest.  “I fucking love you.”

“Oh, John, I love you so much.”

Just then, we heard a voice from the next car exclaim, “What the hell happened here?!”

Hancock darted his head back up, and we locked eye contact.  “Time to move,” he said pulling the knife from his boot and cutting the ropes with one dexterous slice.  As I rubbed at the dents in my wrists, he jumped up, grabbing his hat off my head and kicking my gun across the floor to me.

I grabbed my pistol and joined him, my top still unbuttoned and a draft blowing across my bare chest.  We crouched down, moving stealthily to either side of the doorway.  Two raiders came through the threshold, and we simultaneously each put lead into their heads.  As they fell to our feet, we slinked through the doorway to the next cab only to be met by four more raiders.

“Well, hello sweetheart!” The closest one remarked with his eyes fixed on my exposed chest. 

Hancock swung the butt of his shotgun into his temple, knocking him delirious, and then he swung the barrel back around and squeezed the trigger.  The raider’s head exploded into a spray of red and pink meat.

We took cover from the further three behind some broken, detached seats angled across the cab.  “How many fucking raiders are in this tunnel?!” I called out as Hancock and I traded bullets with them.

“I can’t even begin to answer that,” he said while reloading his shotgun.  Before he could fire the freshly loaded gun, one of the raider’s bullets grazed his shoulder.  He recoiled at the impact, the force knocking his hat off.  “Mother fucker!  The next one better kill me!”  He yelled as he fully stood up, spraying the car with pellets. 

I ducked down to reload my own pistol, pausing to fasten one of the middle buttons on my top, and I could hear the groans of the raiders as Hancock took them down with ease.  _Cock-pow, cock-pow, cock-pow_.  I grabbed his hat and stood up, surveying the fallen raiders he just took out. 

“Done in by the best,” he remarked.

“I hope that was it,” I said as I placed the hat back on his head.

Hancock narrowed his eyes and slowly scanned the environment.  He suddenly cocked his head in one direction.  “It’s not.”  He swung around to face the door behind us and I followed suit, pulling my gun to eye level.  Hancock began shooting through the doorway at some more raiders coming our way down the line of cabs. 

I got a weird feeling and, on a whim, I turned to the car’s side entrance just in time to shoot a raider coming through stealthily.  “Jesus!” I exclaimed as his brains splattered behind him.  Another one came barreling in, running through the shower of his friend’s gray matter.

“Sonuva-“ he called out as he wiped the blood out of his eyes.  He removed his hand just in time to see the barrel of my pistol in his face right before I sent a bullet through his forehead.

I glanced back at Hancock who was posted with his back to the wall by the door we had entered through and he was shooting out through it.  Blood was spreading from the rip in his coat’s shoulder, but he seemed unaffected by it. 

“You got this?” I asked him.

“Does a yao guai shit in the woods?” He replied casually between cocks of his gun.

I rushed to the other doorway and poked my head around the corner.  There were a few more raiders in the dim tunnel cautiously approaching our subway car with weapons drawn, but they didn’t see me.  I picked them off, one by one, starting from the back, so the ones in front were none the wiser. 

I gave the tunnel a quick scan and didn’t see any more enemies outside, but as soon as I turned around, a hand grabbed at me from just above the doorway, pulling me backwards out of the subway car.  Landing on my back, I could see a raider with a deranged smile was looking down on me from on top of the cab.  “Gotcha!” he exclaimed as he dropped down, pointing the barrel of a rifle down at me.  I jabbed the sole of my boot into his crotch and he instantly fell to the ground.  I sprang to my feet and unloaded my pistol on him.

I pulled myself back up into the car by the side of the doorway, hopping over the bodies just inside.  Once there, I could see Hancock was sitting on the ground, further injured and still shooting.

“Fuck!” I rushed to his side, fumbling through my waist pouch for a stimpak.  I dropped to the ground beside him and stabbed the needle into his leg, all the while, he was still firing down the line of cars. “Are you okay?”  I cried.

He stopped shooting.  “Yeah, I’m fine.”

I looked through the doorway and didn’t see any more movement down the long line of subway cars in either direction -  just a massive pile of raider bits and pieces.  “Did you get them all?”

“Yeah, I’m sure this time.”

“That was a fucking bloodbath!”

“It was, wasn’t it?” He grabbed onto the edge of my skirt and yanked me down onto my ass next to him.  “Why, love?   You feeling frisky again?”

“But you’re hurt.”

“It ain’t that bad.”

“Really?”  I grinned.  “Do I get to tie you up this time?”

“Fine by me.”


	4. One More Tomorrow

Several stimpaks and the last couple hits of med-x later, we landed the vertibird in Goodneighbor, and I was helping Hancock down the spiral steps in the Old State House from the rooftop. One of the raiders had landed a pretty nasty shot to his leg, and he was still having some trouble with it.  I led him to the office to the fancy, new bed we had recently replaced his worn out mattress with and he shimmied out of my arms to collapse on it.

“Fuck!” he cried, as his body hit the mattress.  “I don’t think you’ll need to tie me up, love.  I’m not going to be moving much as it is.”

I took his hat off him and placed it on the nightstand.  “What can I do for you?  Can I get you anything?”

“Your concern is sweet, but, no, I don’t think so.  I just need to lay here for a while.”  He winced while he shifted his body into a more comfortable position.  “Well, maybe some more med-x…”

“I’m on it.”  I rushed to his desk and picked up several hypodermic needles.  Thinking better of it, I grabbed an unopen bottle of bourbon sitting there as well, and gathered some clean bandages before returning to his side.  “I hate to disturb you, but I think you should sit up for a minute.”

“Fuck.  Why?”

I held up the liquor and the bandages.

He sighed.  “Alright.”  He laboriously slid his legs over the side of the bed.  “Fucking raiders, man.  Not super mutants or deathclaws or even gunners.  I had to get tagged by a goddamn raider.  It’s fucking embarrassing.”

I set the supplies down on the nightstand.  “They had us grossly outnumbered, querido.  Nothing to be ashamed of.”  I started pulling the sleeves of his frock coat down his arms and was alarmed by the reddish-brown stain around the rip on his shirt’s shoulder.  The wound was coagulated with dried blood and had little fibers stuck in it from his coat.  “Damn.  I forgot about this.”  It was a shallow gash, but we didn’t clean it up before we left like we did his leg.

“It’s nothing,” he insisted.  “I’ve dealt with worse than this… though I really can’t remember when.”

I touched it lightly and he hissed in pain.  “Yeah, but it could get infected.”  I pushed his button-up shirt sleeve up on his other arm and tied it off, tapping his skin for a vein.  “First thing’s first, I suppose,” I remarked as I injected the pain killer into him.

He didn’t flinch.  “That ain’t gonna  do it.”

I injected a second needle before removing the tubing.

He exhaled and his posture loosened.  “That’s better.”

I placed a bandage on top of the bourbon, dipping it upside-down and dousing it before applying it to his shoulder.  He recoiled slightly, but remained composed.  I dabbed it a few more times and fresh blood started to surface. “I’m going to have to cover this,” I told him.

“You do what ya gotta.”

I unbuttoned his shirt and removed it, revealing a large bruise on his side.  “How did you get this?”

“I don’t even know.  There was a lot going on back there.”

“My poor baby,” I pouted, caressing his side.  “What am I going to do with you?”

He smiled, looking up at me.  “I’d say you’re off to a good start.”

When I finished bandaging his shoulder, I moved to my knees in front of him and started removing one of his boots. 

He gazed down between his legs where I was crouched and smirked.  “I ain’t going to lie.  Having you play nurse is starting to put some dirty thoughts in my head right now.”

I smiled, but didn’t return his stare.  “Maybe later, querido.  I have to get you patched up first.”  I moved to his other boot, sliding it down his calf and off his foot.  I paused to gather myself before moving on to the next task.  I looked up at him and he was giving me bedroom eyes as my hands reached for his fly. 

He placed his hands on either side of him and braced on them, lifting himself off the bed a little so I could slide his pants down.  He watched my hands longingly as I carefully pulled the fabric past his injury.

I gingerly removed the bloody bandage that was sticking slightly to his flesh and let it fall to the floor.  “That didn’t hurt?” I asked, avoiding his eyes.

“Not at all, love.  I’m starting to feel better already.”  I splashed some of the alcohol from the bottle on his bare leg and he jumped.  “Okay, that stings…”

“I know.  I’ve done this before.”  I dabbed some more alcohol on with clean gauze and rewrapped it with the remaining bandages.  Still on my knees, I leaned back on my feet, examining my work.  “There.  How’s that?”

He lifted his foot off the floor and swung his leg back and forth a little.  “Just fine.”  He started to lift his legs back onto the mattress, but I grabbed at his ankles before he could get there.

“Wait.”

“What?”

I slid my hands down his ankles, removing his socks, and grabbed his feet, looking up at him.

“What are you doing, Felina?”  I started massaging his feet, and he tilted his head back in a blissful groan.  “Damn.  What did I do to deserve this?”

“You’re my hero.  You saved me.”  I kept squeezing at the center of his feet, working my way down to his toes, pulling and squeezing each one individually.  “Then you showed me a good time…”

“That doesn’t earn me anything.  I benefit from that, too, ya know.”

“Doesn’t matter.”  I was paying the spaces between his toes attention before working my way back up his foot.  “You earned it because I love you.”

“I’ve got to be the luckiest guy in the world.”

I started moving my hands up his legs and positioning my face between his thighs.  As I pulled at the band of his underwear, he put his fingers under my chin and tilted my face up to meet his gaze.  “You don’t have to do that,” he said gently.

“I know.  I want to.”

He pulled his legs onto the bed and patted the mattress beside him.  “What I’d really like right now is to be held by my beautiful, loving wife who takes such good care of me.”

“Okay,” I swooned as I climbed up beside him.  I put my arms around his body and pulled myself close.

He ran a hand through my shaggy hair and down my back, placing a sweet kiss on my forehead.  “There’s no place I’d rather be than right here, by your side.”

“I was just going to say the same thing,” I teased, trailing kisses down his cheek and resting my head under his chin.  “My life would have turned out so empty if I didn’t find you.”

He held me tighter.  “Ain’t been an easy road for either of us, but I know that no matter what, we would have found each other.  This was meant to be.”

“I think you’re right.”

“Damn straight.  We’ve been through it all.  Dangerous firefights, lovers’ quarrels and jealousy, I even came back from the dead.  Nothing could keep me away from you.”

A giddy smile spread across my face and I closed my eyes.  “You always know just what to say.”

“I’m just telling it like it is, love, but it’s nice to know you like to hear it.”

“I never get tired of that.  I think it’s my favorite thing.”

“What if I told you ‘I love you’ all the time?  Would you get tired of that?”

“Never.”

“Good.  I love you, Felina.”

“I love you, John.” 

As I started to fall asleep, he pressed his lips against the top of my head and whispered once more, “I love you, Felina.  More than anything.”


	5. Politik

I woke up fully clothed, but still in Hancock’s arms.  It had been pretty early when we had made our way to the bed the night before, so it was no surprise to me that I was up with the sun.  I did wonder if Hancock’s injury was worse than he let on, though, since I was awake before him, which was not usually the case. 

For once, I had the opportunity to watch him the way he usually did me, his eyes shut peacefully and a light snoring coming from the hole in the center of his face.  I smiled to myself and gently placed a kiss on his mouth, trying not to disturb him.

I was unsuccessful.  His eyes fluttered open and he smiled at me.  “There’s my sunshine.  What are you doing up before me?”

“I was kinda wondering the same thing myself.”

“No matter.”  He squeezed me tighter.  “You’ll just have to stay in bed a little longer so I can still get to admire the view.  Can’t start the day without it.”

I tittered lightly and started sweeping kisses over his face.

“That’s nice, love, …but… you’re too close… for me to see …like this,” he teased, returning little kisses between words.

With one leg over his side, I slowly slid myself on top of him, guiding his back down onto the mattress with my weight.  I placed my hands on his chest and leaned forward.  “That’s because it was my turn this morning.  I got to watch _you_ sleep for a change.”

“That hardly seems fair,” he said grabbing onto my waist and pulling me back down to the mattress, rolling on top of me.  “That’s my thing.”  He dipped his face into my neck, lightly nibbling and sucking at it.

Every brush of contact he made in the nook of my neck started to send light shivers through my body.  “Mmmm, Then what do I get?”

He paused momentarily to ask, “What do you want?” and then immediately continued smothering my neck with affection.

“What do _I_ want?”

“Yes, love,” he purred into my ear.  “What do you want?”

“What will you give me?”

“Anything you want.”  Still not breaking his stride with his mouth, his hand started sliding up my skirt, his rough palm riding the length up my legs.

“Thaaat’s …that’ll work…”  I wrapped my arms and legs around him and began kissing him wherever I could reach.

Just then, there was a knock at the office door.

Hancock broke away from me to call out, “I’m busy!”  He resumed where he left off.

The knock came again.

“Go away!”  We both yelled in unison.

Fahrenheit called from the other side of the door.  “It’s important.”

I froze and Hancock’s body collapsed on top of me.  With his head buried between my breasts, he let out a muffled, “I’ll be right there.”  He put his hands on either side of me and pushed himself up, his face right above mine.  “To be continued, love.”  He gave me a quick kiss on the lips and jumped out of bed. 

Alone on the mattress, I slid my back up the headboard and drew my knees to my chest.

Still semi-hard and in only his underwear he answered the door.  “Yes, what?”

I put a hand over my mouth, stifling a giggle at his brazenness.

Fahrenheit’s eyes darted down to his waist with a mildly amused half-smirk, but she quickly drew her gaze back upward and her face got serious again.  She was speaking low and I couldn’t hear what she was saying.  As she continued to talk, Hancock slowly panned his line of sight back over his shoulder at me, and I could see the look of disappointment on his face.  He turned back to Fahrenheit, nodding in understanding at whatever she was saying.  He put a hand on the doorknob and began stepping away from the threshold.  “Yeah, I’ll be right there,” he replied reluctantly.   “Just let me get dressed real quick.”  He shut the door.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

He winced slightly as he began putting his injured leg into his pants. “Mayoral duties.  I’ll spare you the details.”

“You can tell me.  I don’t mind.”

“If you still want to know later, I’ll tell you, but right now, I need to get going.”  He was buttoning up his shirt hastily.  “I know it’s not far, but if you go on to the Old North Church before I get back, you should take the vertibird.”

“I’d rather walk.  Lynn is supposed to be stopping by here on her way.”

“Good.  Tag along with her.  I don’t want you going out in the wastes alone.  Not after yesterday…”

“You don’t have to worry about me, querido.  There’s plenty of Minutemen along the way to look out for me.  I’m more worried about you.  How is your leg?”

He finished putting his coat on and reached into his inner pocket for his tin, taking out a mentat and tossing into his mouth.  “It ain’t that bad.  Forget about it.”  He threw a few needles in his pocket, grabbed his tricorn hat, and quickly headed to the door with it still in his hand.  “Be careful, love.  Don’t forget to take your rad-x.”

The door shut behind him and it was perfectly silent in the office.  I was alone and still keyed up from Hancock’s foreplay.  _I suppose I could… take care of things myself_.  I started sliding the sides of my skirt up my legs…

There was another knock at the door.

 _Goddammit!_   I got up from the mattress and headed across the room.

I opened the door and Lynn was standing on the other side.  “Uh, hey, Felina!  I just passed Hancock downstairs and he said… “  she started to blush.  “He said you were ready to go to the meeting.”

“He did?”  I cocked my head to one side.  “What did he really say, Lynn?”

She grimaced.  “Please don’t make me…”

“I want to know.”

She sighed and her eyes rolled to one side in annoyance.  “His exact words were, ‘Hurry upstairs and catch her before she starts diddling herself.  That’s my job and I don’t want her getting off without me’.”

I stared at her, deadpan.  “Yeah, we can go now.”  I picked up my duffle bag and threw it over my shoulder.

“Don’t get mad at me.  You asked…”

“Yeah, I know, I know.”  I shut the office doors behind me.

 

* * *

 

On foot, you could get to the Old North Church from Goodneighbor in an hour or so - less if you really hoof it, and the presence of Minutemen civilians populatingthe downtown Boston area had grown as the number of super mutants and other hostiles had dwindled, so it was a pleasant stroll.  Since it was such a nice day and we were already on the road ahead of schedule, we took it easy and still got there in plenty of time. 

Inside the Railroad HQ, Lynn scanned the main room, stopping when she laid eyes on Danse.  “You!”  She squealed, rushing to him and jumping up to get her arms around his neck.

He smiled, his cheeks flushing slightly.  “Hey, Lynn.”  He self-consciously returned her hug. 

He looked strangely small to me without his power armor.  “Hey, Danse.”

Lynn released her hold on him and his smile faded some.  “Felina,” he said with a barely noticeable nod.  Despite everything that had happened, I still don’t think he cared much for me.  “What’s wrong with your face?”

I scowled.  “What’s wrong with _your_ face?”

“No, really…”

I couldn’t say I ever spent much time primping, so I wasn’t sure what he was referring to.  I nonchalantly looked around and leaned toward some polished metal thing I saw on Tinker Tom’s table.  The warped reflection of myself revealed an unsightly blemish on my nose.  “It’s acne, you ass,” I remarked, rubbing at it.

“Aren’t you a little old for puberty?” He taunted.

“Chinga tu-  Aren’t you a little old for diapers?” I retorted.  “It’s from stress, ok?  I’m under a lot of pressure.”

“It doesn’t _look_ like any acne I’ve ever seen.”

Lynn put a hand on each of our arms.  “Can you guys not?  You two are like kids, I swear.  We’re supposed to all be on the same side here.”

“We are. Danse is like the big brother I never had…” I smirked.  “…or wanted.”

He snorted.  “I’d still get that thing looked at if I were you.”

I waved at him dismissively as I walked away.  “I’ll be in the office whenever you guys are ready to get down to business.”

I took a seat at the desk in the room where P. A. M. was.  I gave her a nod and set my bag on the floor, digging through it for my legal pad and pencil.  After a few minutes, Desdemona, Deacon, Lynn, and Danse all filtered in.

Deacon greeted me with a casual smile.  “Hey, Wanderer.  No Hancock, today?”

“Eh, he had some stuff to do in Goodneighbor.  We don’t really need him here for this.”

“He’s a fun guy, though.  Too bad he didn’t come.”

Desdemona leaned against the wall and lit a cigarette.  “If everyone is ready, I think we should get started.”

Lynn clasped her hands together in front of her with a chipper smile on her face.  “So, without taking a formal survey or anything, I gathered from some casual conversations throughout the airport that most Brotherhood of Steel members are accepting of allowing ghouls equal rights and many are open to the same concept for synths, provided they had a way of identifying them as synths up front.”

Desdemona exhaled a column of smoke.  “Define ‘equal rights’.”

The corners of Danse’s mouth drew downward.  “Not shooting them on sight.” 

Lynn gave him a pained expression before turning back to the rest of us.  “They’re more distrustful towards synths because of the technological aspect, but somewhat more sympathetic than in the past since the Institute isn’t around anymore to control them.”

Deacon scowled slightly.  “Yeah, because they would rather control the synths themselves.” 

Lynn ignored him and continued.  “They still aren’t keen on either of them as members of the BoS, and I’m not accounting for knights out in the field, but it’s a start.”

My pencil was hovering over the pad, but she hadn’t said anything worth noting, yet.  “That’s great and all, but I’m more interested in Maxson.”

Any pleasantness left drained out of Lynn.  “Maxson is… Maxson.  However, he can’t completely ignore the feelings of the BoS members, and I still have quite a bit of influence over the troops and somewhat with him, too.  With enough people on board, he’ll have to sincerely consider some major changes to his chapter’s mindset.  I’ll have no problem getting him to meet with you over negotiating a treaty with the Minutemen, but you need to have your best ideas ready to put on the table when you do, because you’ll probably only have one shot at it.  I think we can all agree that Felina can fairly represent the Minutemen and Railroad…”

Danse put a hand up in the air.  “Hold on.  I don’t think she can fairly represent the Railroad’s interests.”

Lynn interjected.  “It’s okay, Danse.  I’ll still be there representing both the Railroad and the BoS, and Felina speaks for the Railroad when she speaks for the Minutemen because both factions are allied already – “

I locked eyes on Danse while holding a finger at Lynn.  “No, hold on.  Why, exactly, do you think I’m not impartial?”

“You’re only interested in ghoul integration because of Hancock.  You have no vested interest in synths –“

“How can you say that when my son is a synth?”

Everyone displayed varying degrees of surprise, making me remember no one other than Hancock and me were aware of that fact until now.

Desdemona’s face contorted.  “There are no synth _children_.”

“You’re right,” I replied.  “He’s the only one.  He was a prototype I personally rescued from the Institute.  My biological son had created him in his likeness and programmed him to believe I am his mother.”  My tone become bitter as I recollected the painful memories.  “He thought that would somehow make up for what he did to me.”

The room was quiet.  Lynn finally broke the silence.  “That’s… I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing.”

“I’m going to count it as ‘good’ considering what he had in mind for atoning for Nate’s death.”

“Should I ask?”

“No.”  Everyone was uncomfortably avoiding my eyes.  “Is that a good enough investment in synth rights for you, Danse?”

“…Yes.”

“Alright.  Back to work then.”  I drew a vertical line down the center of the tablet and wrote “BoS” on one side, “RR” on the other.  “Cheer up, guys!  The dawning of a new era of peace is upon us and it’s up to us to make this happen.  Dez and Deacon, start prattling off things that the Railroad wants out of this.  Lynn, you and Danse address it from the Brotherhood perspective, and when I think I have enough, I’ll take this home and start shaping it into something we can work with.”

I spent all day furiously taking notes while the group debated everything from major issues to minor details.  I got every bit of it down, and the pages of the legal pad looked like the journal of a crazy person with the liner notes, arrows, and seemingly random markings all over the place, but I knew what it all meant.  We breaked for lunch, and were back at it until everyone was cranky and useless. 

When Hancock surprised me by showing up in the vertibird to take me back to Goodneighbor, we called it a night and scheduled another meeting for the following week, giving me time to get my notes laid out into something coherent to someone besides myself.

 


	6. Quickie (Swing Doors)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like the chapter says, it’s a quickie. Don’t get your expectations too high.

The next day, we were still in Goodneighbor, and I had been staring at the stacks of papers for hours, getting burned out.  Frustration brought me to the brink and I blurted out, “Fuck me!”

Without missing a beat, Hancock stood up from the couch where he had been reclining and started removing his coat.  “Okay.”  His shirt and vest were unbuttoned and half off by the time he had made it to where I was sitting at the desk.  He stood beside me and unfastened his pants, letting them drop to the floor with his shirt, simultaneously raising his hands out to his sides.  “We gonna do this or what?”

“Yep!”  I reached for the buttons on my dress, but he put his hand in the way. 

“Whoa, time out.”

“What’s the matter?”

“I was just playing with you.  I know you’re busy…”

“You mean to tell me that you wouldn’t fuck me right now?”

“Of course I would.”

“But?”

“But you’re working and I don’t want to be a distraction again.”  He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.  “I’ll let you get back to what you were doing, love…”

“I’m not being very productive though.”

“So what do you suggest?”

“I already told you.”

“I’m getting mixed signals here.  First I’m too much of a distraction and then I’m not enough of one...”  He put his hand under my chin, lifting my face up.  “You really want me to fuck you?”

I smiled.  “Absolutely.”

“Well if you think it will help your productivity... I’m here to help.”  He scooped me up out of the chair.  “Slow and sensuous or quick and dirty?”

“Well, since I have a lot to do, quick and dirty, I guess.”

“Done.  Wall or desk?”

Given the work I was just doing, this negotiation process seemed oddly appropriate.  “Why not both?”

“I can do that.”  He took a couple steps over to the wall, bracing me against it, landing hasty kisses on my neck.  As his mouth wandered wherever he could find bare skin, I felt his stiffness poking at me from beneath his underwear.  “One second.”  He guided my feet to the ground and removed the offending fabric.  “Sorry.  Where were we?”  He grabbed the edges of my skirt and pulled them to my hips before lifting me back up.  With his hands firmly supporting my ass, he glanced down between us.  “Do you mind?”

“Of course not.”  I licked my hand and reached down between his thighs, wetting his length.  When I let go, he slid inside and I threw my head back, feeling instant relief from my tension. 

He took a couple of slow strokes to make sure things were going smoothly and then started immediately banging into me.  “This’s… what… you wanted… right?” He grunted between plunges.

“Oh, _yes_!” 

I was getting more turned on by every satisfying thump our weight made against the wall.  With one arm over his shoulder, my free hand started drifting up to my head, grabbing at my own hair in ecstasy.  “Oh, Hancock…”

“You ready… for… the dirty?”

“Oh, yeah.”

He dropped my feet to the floor, lightly panting.  “Alright.”  He leaned in for a quick kiss and then grabbed me by my torso, spinning me to face the desk.  I leaned forward on both palms and he pushed up behind me, slowly hiking up my skirt.  Once the cool air was on my bare skin, he started running his hands across my bottom, and I felt the pressure of him pushing at the backdoor.  With the sounds of my quiet moaning as the go signal, he took a careful stroke inside. 

“Fuck!”  We both exclaimed.

He pushed all the way in and paused there before slowly starting to pump. 

I was getting ramped up with every stroke.  “Oh, _fuck_!  Fuck me, Hancock!”

His growls were more guttural than usual.  He started thrusting harder and my hands scrambled across the desk, searching for better leverage and knocking papers every which way.

I could feel my thighs getting wet.  “Oh, _shit!_   You’re so _big_!”

He slowed down.  “You want me to stop?”

“No, I _like_ it!”

He growled again.  “That’s my dirty girl…”  He reached between my legs and slid a couple fingers in my unoccupied hole and it started to send me over the edge.

“John, _yes_!”

“Felina…”

“John!”

“Felina, I’m about to come…”

“Go for it.”  With that phrase, I reached my breaking point, sputtering a bunch of obscenities between nonsense words.  I slumped forward onto the desk, only being jarred forward a couple more times before his moans reached a crescendo where he held himself fully inside to finish. 

He collapsed over onto my back.  “Felina… Fuck…” 

I responded with only a tired moan.

He carefully pulled out.  “How was that?”

I exhaled.  “Perfect, thanks.”

“My pleasure.  You took your rad-x today, right?”

I gave him the same tired moan.

“I’ll take that as a yes.  So, if you’re all set now,” he motioned to the door with his thumb.  “I’m going to go clean up.”

“Sure thing.”

He leaned forward and kissed me from behind before leaving the office stark naked except for his hat. 

I smiled to myself and smoothed my skirt back out, carefully sitting down at the desk and looking over the scattered papers in front of me with a sigh.  I opened the top drawer and pulled out the half empty bottle of bourbon, taking a swig straight from it and lighting a cigarette.  “Back to work I guess.”

 

* * *

 

I was still straightening out papers and generally procrastinating when Hancock returned to the office in a towel.  He came over to the desk and started gathering up his shirt and pants.  “So, there’s where I left those.”

“Where else would they be?”

“Who knows?  There’s really not much reason for me to stay dressed around you when we’re in Goodneighbor.  Back in Sanctuary, I only do it for Shaun’s sake.  Bu-u-ut since we’re here on business and not pleasure…”  He started pulling his pants up.  He put his arms through his frilly button-up shirt, but he didn’t close it.  He pulled a bent cigarette out of the crumpled pack he had in his pocket and lit it.  After exhaling the first drag, he put both hands on the back of my chair and leaned over my shoulder.  “How’s the write-up coming, love?”

I reached for the cigarette in his hand and took a drag.  “It’s not.”

“The quickie didn’t help?”

“I suppose not.”  I took one more drag from the cigarette before handing it back to him.  “Do you know why this is so hard for me?”

“Because.  You’re stressed out and you need a vacation.  It’s been one crisis after another for you since you left that vault.”

“No.  That’s not it.  It’s because I’m a selfish person.”

“No, you’re not!  Everything you’ve done has been for the good of others!  How can you say that?”

“Because I don’t feel like doing this particular song and dance for the Minutemen.  They’ve already come so far.  They have resources and numbers.  They have all the tools they need to rebuild without my help, but they still keep depending on me to do everything for them.”  I leaned my head forward in my hands, elbows resting on the desk.  “Why me?  There’s so many of them and I’m just one person.”

“Because you’re the General.”  Hancock began petting my hair.  “You’ve just lost sight of the big picture is all.  You already seem to have forgotten what you’re capable of and how much you’ve already accomplished.”

“No, I haven’t.  I remember all of it, and it was a lot of hard work.  I had my heart set on just being their training wheels until they could get organized, but it looks like I have to do that for them, too.  I just feel stuck and worn out.  It’s like there’s no end in sight.”

He took another long drag of the cigarette and sat on the edge of the desk.  “I know what it is, love.  It’s the tedium.”  Smoke streamed out with his words.  “You’ve got a dangerous streak in you, and there’s nothing dangerous about attending meetings, reviewing propositions, and revising them.  Trust me, I would know.  I’ve been the mayor of Goodneighbor for a long time, and the day –to-day politics can get pretty dull.” 

He pushed the filter into the ashtray, smashing it in.  “Ya know, when you first told me about being a lawyer in your previous life, my first thought was ‘I don’t know how she’s going to make it out here,’ but that’s because I didn’t really know you yet.  Being a lawyer – that ain’t you.  Now that I know what you’re really like, the real question is how did you ever make it back then?  How did you survive living in that conservative, uptight society? And without shooting someone, too.“

“It’s funny you should say that.  I had arguably no experience with guns back then.  Nate took me to the firing range occasionally, and I would casually fire at stationary targets, but I know now that it’s worlds different from firing under pressure.”

“And yet you took to it so naturally.”

“Yeah, I guess I did, huh?”  I folded my arms onto the surface in front of me.  “Maybe you’re right.”

“Yeah, and maybe subconsciously, you think if you do your civil service job right that you won’t get to go berserk in battle anymore, but you got to remember, even if you get all these Brotherhood assholes to make peace, and all the synths get rehabilitated or whatever, there’s still going to be deathclaws, mirelurks, and yao guai begging for a bullet.  Raiders and gunners will always still exist, thinking they can make an easy fortune ripping people off.  The Commonwealth’s shooting range never closes.”

“Even so, there’s still the looming threat of failure making me feel like shit.  What if I don’t successfully broker a treaty with the BoS?  What kind of mess will we be in then?”

“No worse off than we are now.”

“…Fuck.  I guess you’re right.”

“You feeling any better?”

“A bit, actually.  I don’t know what I’d do without you, querido.”

“You’ll never have to find out, love.  I ain’t ever going anywhere.”

“You know, I knew back before the bombs that that life wasn’t for me, but I never could’ve imagined this one.  If someone had asked me how I would feel about living in post-apocalyptica, I would have jokingly said I welcomed it, but I honestly didn’t expect to actually live it and have things work out so well.”

“Are you saying that this world is better than the pre-war world?”

“Absolutely.  The pre-war world didn’t have you.” 


	7. Mirror My Malady

We returned to Sanctuary the next morning to spend a few days with Shaun before I had to be back at the Railroad HQ for our next meeting.  I still had to find time to work on the treaty while I was there, since I got practically nothing done on it while I was in Goodneighbor.

Shaun and Dogmeat were standing in the field below the vertibird while we hovered to the ground.  “Mom!  Dad!”

I stepped down from the aircraft with arms spread.  “I missed you, hijo!”

He ran right past me to Hancock, wrapping his arms around the ghoul’s waist with enough force to cause him to visibly stagger.  Hancock gave me a helpless, apologetic look before returning the little boy’s gesture of affection.  “Hey, killer!  What have you been up to while we were gone?”  He started leading Shaun towards town.  I was a few steps behind them with Dogmeat.

“I’ve been practicing my shooting, like you said.  I shot every bottle Sturges had in the shop, so I started shooting out in the woods…”

I winced.  “You weren’t by yourself, were you?”

“Yeah.  Then I shot and killed a radstag and had to go get someone to help me drag it back.  Then Preston helped me gut it and we had a barbeque.  It was awesome!”

“That sounds…”

Shaun glared at me.  “Dangerous, I know.  I keep telling you I’m not a baby!”

Hancock patted him on the back.  “That’s really impressive!  Just promise me you won’t go hunting by yourself anymore, ok?  Even I don’t do that.”  He exchanged a look with me.  “And maybe don’t go so far outside town, either.”

Shaun looked a little dejected.  “I wasn’t completely alone.  I had Dogmeat with me…”

By now, we were in front of the house.  “Wait a minute.”  I stopped in the middle of the yard.  “You shot and killed a radstag with a bb gun?”

“Well, yeah.  I modified it a little bit first, though.”

“Who helped you do that?”

“No one helped me.  I did it on my own.”

I smiled.  “Ok, now I’m impressed.”

“Which reminds me...  Did you bring me that hotplate, mom?”

I pulled it out of my bag.  “Got it right here.”

“Really?!”  He ran to me and finally gave me a hug before taking the hotplate from me.  “Awesome!  Thanks, mom!”

“What are you going to do with that, anyway?”

“You’ll see when I’m done.  It’s a surprise.”  He ran into the house with the dog in tow.

I turned my attention to Hancock, who was smiling like crazy.  “What?”

“He’s a really sharp kid, Felina.  Picked up on shooting skills really fast and already customizing his own guns… I can tell he’s definitely yours.”

I grinned.  “Yeah, but I think he likes you best.”

“He gets that from his mom, too.”  He put an arm around my waist and pulled me to him.  “I heard she likes me an awful lot…”

I gently pulled away from him.  “We have to have a talk with him, though.”

“Ah, come on, love.  I think we said enough about the woods for now.  We just got here, after all.”

“It’s not that.  We need to tell him he’s a synth.”

Hancock’s smile faded.  “Why now?”

“It accidentally slipped out of me at the Railroad meeting the other day, and I think we should tell him before he hears it from someone else.”

Hancock quietly considered my words for a moment.  “In light of that, yeah, maybe we should.”  He took my hand in his and turned toward the house.  “But let’s not spoil the moment with it right now.  We can tell him sometime before we leave again.”

I was a little relieved he gave me a temporary out.  “Yeah, alright.”

 

* * *

 

After a few days of spreading myself thin between being a homemaker and trying to crank out a working draft of the treaty, I started getting mentally and physically exhausted.  At first, I thought some extra med-x would help, but it just made me feel like I had been hit by a Nuka Cola truck.  I called it quits early one night and went to bed while Hancock and Shaun were still hanging out outside.  I drifted to sleep in a hazy blur.

When I opened my eyes next, I was under a bright light on a gurney.  For a fleeting moment, I had a flashback to waking up in the Institute after Carla had drugged me.  I realized that wasn’t the situation when I noticed Hancock was sitting next to me in a chair, holding my hand. 

As soon as I started to stir, he eagerly leaned forward and kissed me on the forehead.  “You haven’t been taking your rad-x, love.” He said in a quiet, melodic gravel.

“How do you know that?”  I sat up and recognized the surroundings as the basement of the Memory Den. 

Dr. Amari walked up beside me, holding a tray.  “Because you had radiation sickness.  Again.”  She set the tray down on a table beside me with a slight thump.  There was a bottle of water on it and a bag of addictol.  She handed me the water and started changing out the radaway IV drip I was attached to with the addictol.  “Didn’t we already have this discussion?”  She asked condescendingly.

“But it didn’t feel the same way as last time.  And my chem tolerance got higher.  And I have these rashes…”  I looked down at my palms, but the blotchy, peeling skin was perfectly smooth once more.  I rubbed the tip of my nose and it was also back to normal.

Dr. Amari frowned as she let go of the addictol bag that was now hanging in place, doing its job.  “Your chem tolerance has obviously built up from overuse.”

Hancock laced his fingers in mine.  “I know what you’re trying to do, love, and believe me, I’m flattered, but it’s too dangerous.”

“He’s right.”  Dr. Amari grabbed the bottle of water from me, twisted the top off, and thrust it back in my face.  “Trying to become ghoulified on purpose…”  She shook her head.  “I think all that recreational chem use has clouded your judgement.  You know, there’s easier ways to kill yourself.”

“I wasn’t trying to kill myself.”

“You may as well be.  It’s believed among the scientific community that most ghouls were predisposed to the condition by a preexisting mutation in their DNA.  If you were going to turn ghoul, it would have happened the first time you neglected to take protective measures against radiation.  Beyond that, you have a better chance of getting struck by lightning - twice.”  She turned to leave, but paused by the door.  “Am I making myself clear enough this time?”

I took a swig from the bottle of water.  “Yes,” I replied flatly.

“So this isn’t going to be a regular thing then?”

“What’s that?”

“You being carried in here half-dead because you refuse to take your rad-x.”

I hung my head. “No.”

She pointed at me.  “Take more rad-x and cut back on the recreational chems.”  She moved her finger to Hancock’s direction.  “Make sure she follows my instructions.”  She put her pointing hand in her lab coat pocket.  “I’ll be back when the IV is finished and then you can go, but you should stick around town for a couple days.”  She started out the doorway, rambling to herself.  “But you don’t need me to tell you that.  You already know the drill…”

Once she was gone, Hancock turned to me with a serious look.  “Please don’t put me through this ever again, Felina.  When I found you in bed…”  He sighed and looked away from me briefly.  “Just don’t do this anymore, okay?  It’s scary.”

“I’m sorry, mi amor.  I thought it was different this time.”

“I thought I was gonna lose you.”  He wrapped his arms around me tightly and took a deep, hitched breath.  “I know it’s gonna happen one day, and I’ll deal with it when I have to, but I ain’t gonna be ready for that for a long time.”

I felt tears trying to force their way out, so I fought them.  “You know, maybe she’s right about the chem use… I have been making some bad decisions while I’m under the influence.  I think I’m going to quit.”

Hancock’s face was still buried in me.  “You have my full support on your decision, love.  If you are looking for drastic ways to prolong your life, that’s one I approve of.”

Later that night, Hancock ran back to Sanctuary in the vertibird to get my things for me since I wasn’t supposed to stray too far.  He came back with my usual bag, my notes on the BoS treaty, and my guitar.

I was lying awake in bed when he came in holding the guitar up proudly by the neck.  I sat up to greet him.  “What did you bring that for?”

“Something recreational for you to do.”

I smirked.  “Isn’t that why I have you?”

“Well, yeah, but in case I have to take care of any mayoral duties or something and you’re stuck here, I don’t want you to get bored –“

“Cause then I might ‘diddle’ myself without you?”

“Heh heh, Lynn told you about that, huh?”  He sat down next to me on the bed and handed me the instrument.  “ _This_ is your new drug.”

I took it in my arms and briefly tuned it.  “Alright.”

Hancock started getting undressed for bed and I began playing for him: 

 

“ _Play the guitar, play it again, my Johnny_

_Maybe you're cold but you're so warm inside_

_I was always a fool for my Johnny_

_For the one they call Johnny Guitar_

_Play it again, Johnny Guitar_ ”

 

He laid down in front of me face up on the bed with his head in my lap, looking up at me lovingly.

 

“… _What if you go, what if you stay, I love you_

_But if you're cruel, you can be kind, I know_

_There was never a man like my Johnny_

_Like the one they call Johnny Guitar_ …”

  

He closed his eyes and smiled serenely as I fingered the solo.

 

“ _There was never a man like my Johnny_

_Like the one they call Johnny Guitar…_

_Play it again, Johnny Guitar_ ”

 

When the last chord faded, I could hear him snoring lightly.  I carefully placed the guitar on the floor against the bed frame and dimmed the lantern.

 

* * *

 

The meeting with the Railroad was coming up, and I was confined to Goodneighbor.  I barely finished the draft in the two days I had left before the meeting.

My third morning after the rad sickness, I woke up to the default beeping sound of the pip-boy alarm.  I was still in Goodneighbor, and the pip-boy was on the nightstand.  Without opening my eyes, I reached over to turn it off before putting my arm beside me to feel for Hancock.  My hand wandered behind me for a moment, but found nothing.  I opened my eyes and saw he was gone. _Strange._   He was usually the last one to want to leave the bed in the morning.  I sat up and looked around for traces of him, but all his stuff was gone – his bag, his coat, his hat.  There was a note on the nightstand:

 

_“Sorry for not saying goodbye this morning, sunshine.  You looked so beautiful, sleeping so soundly, I didn’t want to disturb you.  Something came up and I had to leave. Please be careful on your way to the Railroad meeting.  Take someone with you, if you can.  Try to stay out of trouble without me.  I love you with all of my heart._

_Yours Eternally,_

_John_

_P._ _S. Just a fair warning so you can be prepared for my impending enthusiasm when I see you next: I’ll miss you every moment that we’re apart today and you’ll be on my mind constantly, but I’ll see you tonight. I can never stay gone long. Nothing can keep me from you, my love.”_

 

I was a tad disappointed that I didn’t get to see him that morning, but when mayoral duties call, what can you do?  I folded the note up and, once I was dressed, I put it in my left breast pocket and started gathering my things.  I took my rad-x as prescribed in a dry swallow.  The pills smeared bitterness across my tongue and gripped at my throat on the way down.  I quickly grabbed a nearby bottle of liquor to wash the taste out of my mouth.  With the bottle sill in hand, I instinctively started reaching across the desk for the med-x.  My hand came to a stop right over it as I wistfully remembered the chems were no longer going to be my crutch.  I backed off and paused that way for a moment.  I took a long guzzle from the liquor bottle and slammed it on the desk as I headed out the door.

I started down the road to the Old North Church on my own.  When I arrived Lynn was already there.  She greeted me at the entrance down in the tunnel.  “Hey.  Hancock didn’t walk you here?”

“Nah, he was busy again.”

“I’m sorry, Felina.  If I had known, Danse and I would have come by this morning to accompany you.”

“It’s fine.”  I walked past her through the door.  “Let’s just get started.  We got a lot to cover, today.”

Our meeting once again took all day.  I fidgeted and struggled to focus.  The addictol relieves physical symptoms of withdrawal, but it couldn’t quell the compulsion my brain had for the ritual of it.  My mind kept wandering as I craved the sting of a needle in my arm and the flush of euphoria that would follow.  I tried my best not to be unpleasant, but I was really quite irritable, and noticed that I had single-handedly clouded the room with my chain-smoking.

When the moment came that I reached for another cigarette only to notice I didn’t have any more in the second pack I had opened that day, I decided it was time to wrap things up.  Everyone was pretty satisfied with what we had accomplished anyhow.  The only thing left to do was to type it up in some formal legalese and present it to Maxson himself.

As I prepared to leave, Lynn informed me she would be accompanying me.  “I’m going to stay in Goodneighbor for a couple days for support while you polish that thing up and then I’ll head off to the Prydwen to work on Maxson.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

It wasn’t yet dark once we made it to Goodneighbor.  Lynn shoved off to the Hotel Rexford for a room and I made my way up the spiral stairs at the State House. 

Hancock was laying on the couch when I came to the office.  “Back already?”  He rose from the seat.  “How are you feeling, today?” 

“As well as can be expected for someone quitting cold turkey.”

He walked over to me and took me in his arms.  “No complications from the rad sickness, though?”

“None what-so-ever.”

“How was the meeting?”

“Productive.  Everyone seemed happy with what we got.  As soon as I’m done cleaning this up, we’re going to present it to Maxson.”

“I’m so proud of you, love.”  He leaned in for a kiss.  “I’m sorry I wasn’t here this morning.  Did you get my note?”

“Yeah, it’s okay.  I understand.  You’ve got responsibilities, too.”

He closed his eyes as a smile spread across his face.  “I missed you, today.”

“Me too, querido.”

He put his hand on the strap of my bag and lowered it to the floor.  Then he slowly started popping the buttons on my dress.  I looked up at him slyly.  When his eyes met mine, he picked me up and darted to the bed, dropping me on the mattress.  “I’ve been looking forward to this all day…”

You can guess what happened next.

 

* * *

  

When we returned to Sanctuary after a few days, I was alarmed that Shaun wasn’t waiting for us as we landed the vertibird.  I strode down the road to town with a hint of urgency, Hancock a few steps behind.

Shaun was in the middle of the road in front of our house next to Billy.  Dogmeat was standing in front of them protectively with his teeth bared.  The rest of the settlement’s children had them surrounded, teasing him.  I felt my anger growing as we neared them, and I quickened my pace.

Hancock put an arm on my shoulder and pulled me to a standstill.  “Don’t, Felina.”

“I have to stop them!”

“No, they’re just kids.  They ain’t gonna throw anything at him that he can’t take.  You need to let him handle it.  No little boy wants his mom fighting his battles for him.  It’s emasculating.”

I threw my hand outward in the direction of the commotion.  “So I’m just supposed to stand by and do nothing?!”

He nodded.

I took a deep breath and crossed my arms, furiously looking on.  I couldn’t hear what they were saying from that distance, but I could tell things were getting heated.  Suddenly, Shaun lunged forward on one child, knocking him to the ground.  He straddled the kid, swinging into him with punch after punch, and Dogmeat was tearing at the boy’s pant leg.  One of the other offending kids jumped on Shaun’s back, but Billy grabbed the back of his shirt and tried to pull him off.  Shaun pulled something out of his pocket…

“Is that a knife?!”  I asked, patting my pockets.  My utility knife wasn’t there.  “I think that’s my pocket knife!”

Hancock took his hand off my shoulder, looking a little surprised.  “Ok, I guess we can step in now.”

We rushed over to the scuffle and Hancock pulled the piggyback kid off of Shaun while I grabbed my son by the arm and led him back to the house.  Hancock was still over by the rest of the children when we made it into the house.  “What the hell was all that about, Shaun?!”

Tears started streaming down his face.  “What do you care?!  You’re not my real mom!”  He yanked himself from my grip and ran to his room, slamming the door behind him.  _Chinga._

Just then, Hancock came through the doorway, frowning. 

I turned to face him.  “He knows.”

Hancock nodded.  “The other kids told him.”

“How did they find out already?”

Hancock shrugged.  “Beats me.  But what’s done is done.  All we can do now is damage control.”

We went to Shaun’s room and had a talk with him.  He was taking it pretty hard still insisting I wasn’t his mom.  The more I talked, the angrier he got.  I gave Hancock a desperate look.

Hancock caught my wordless plea and took over for me.  “Come on.  You knew I wasn’t your real dad and that didn’t bother you.”

Shaun pouted.  “That doesn’t change the fact that I’m different from everyone else.”

Hancock held his hands out to his sides.  “So what?  So am I.  Who cares?  Finding out that you’re a synth doesn’t change who you are.  You’re still smart as whip and talented at shooting and tinkering with things.  No one can take that away from you.”

“No, but everyone is still going to make fun of me.”

“Fuck ‘em.”

“John!”

Shaun almost smiled, but he instantly became solemn again.  “So, why didn’t you tell me already?”

Hancock put an arm around him.  “We were going to, killer, really.  We knew _you_ could handle it.  Your mom and I are the ones who weren’t ready.”

“That’s really lame, dad.”

He smiled.  “I know.  You’ll forgive us, won’t you?”

He looked up at Hancock distrustfully.  “We’ll see”

We coaxed him into a hug and then left him alone for a while at his request.

I gingerly closed the door behind us once we were both out in the hallway.  “That went way worse than when I was a kid and got the Santa Claus talk.”

“The what, now?”

“Oh shit, you don’t know about Santa Claus?”  I took him by the hand and led him to the front of the house.  “Come on, I’ll tell you all about it.”

 


	8. Long Winded Blues of the Never

Back in Goodneighbor, the day had come that I was going to have to meet with Maxson.  For the second time, I woke up to find Hancock already gone.  I didn’t want to complain because I knew he had things to do, just as I did.  Maybe it was for the best that he wasn’t around when the leader of the Brotherhood of Steel was coming to his town, since he had practically no filter on his mouth, but I could have used a few words of encouragement from him before facing Maxson myself.

I still had some time before I expected him to arrive, so I straightened up the office, pushing all the paraphernalia out of sight into the desk drawer.  I put on the Minutemen General’s uniform with the long blue jacket that vaguely reminded me of Hancock’s frock coat. Blue has always been my color, anyway.  I had initially planned on topping it off with the angular tricorn hat that I found with it, but it was still in Shaun’s possession.

I poked my head out the door to find Fahrenheit.  She was standing near the stairwell, talking to a guard.

“Hey, do you happen to know where Hancock went this morning?”

She held a finger up to the guard and turned to me.  “I don’t, actually.”

“Today’s the day,” I said to her as cheerfully as I could.

“I’m aware of that.”

“How do I look?”

She seemed uninterested.  “Fine.”

I glanced behind me at the office, giving it a quick judgmental scan.  “Do you mind helping me move the bed out of here real quick?”

She raised an annoyed eyebrow.  “Why?”

“It just doesn’t seem very… professional.  Appearances go a long way.”

She rolled her eyes.  “Sure.”  We dragged the bedframe out of the office and into the room across the hall.  “Anything else I can help you do to kiss some Brotherhood ass?”

“That’s not what this is about.”

She leaned her hips on the bedframe and produced a cigarette from her pocket, lighting it in one fluid motion.  “Then please, explain it to me.”

“If we can convince him to accept the terms of our treaty, the BoS can no longer engage in any ‘cleansing’ activities in the Commonwealth, and their resources will go towards supporting the Minutemen.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that much, but you do realize that’s not going to happen.  He’ll sooner get you to bend or else this is going to start an outright war.”

“Have a little more faith than that, Fahrenheit.  The Minutemen outnumber the BoS in the Commonwealth at this point and the people sympathize with us more than the BoS.  It would not be in their best interest to start a war with us.”

“That may not logically be the best option for them, but that doesn’t mean it’s not in his interest.  You’re talking about Maxson as though he operates with concern apart from his own agenda.  He has given no indication that he cares about the people outside of the Brotherhood and has even sacrificed countless paladins to further his genocidal designs.  Frankly, I think you are putting the entire town in danger by allowing him to come here.”

“Well, I wasn’t going to give him the upper hand by meeting on the Prydwen.”

“Call it what you want, but just so you know, I don’t approve.  This is not a good strategy.”  She dropped the cigarette to the ground and stepped on it.  “It’s not a strategy at all and it can only end badly.  Now, if we’re done here, I’ve got some more instructions for his arrival I’d like to spread among security.”

I waved my hand flippantly. “Yeah, sure.”  Once she had left the room, I exited as well, shutting the doors tightly behind me and heading back to the office.   I sat at the desk and squared the edges of the proposal that lay in a stack there. Staring at the papers, I internally talked myself out of taking a shot of liquor.  I was on edge enough without Fahrenheit’s naysaying or any chems to lighten my mood, and Hancock wasn’t around to calm my nerves, but I didn’t want to smell like a drifter when Maxson arrived.

I had been staring off into the distance for longer than I could tell when there was a knock.  I took a deep breath and walked across the room.  I steadied my hand as I reached for the handles and spread the double doors open. 

There was Maxson, his tall, sturdy frame ominously blocking any light from coming past him through the doorway, the scar across his face emphasized by the shadows.  His dark hair was cut cleanly and precisely in a hipster fade and a full beard, a sign of stylish progressiveness unmatched by his beliefs.  As expected, he was wearing that one-of-a-kind, long, leather battlecoat of his that he seemed so proud of with the fuzzy collar, covered in buckles and straps.  A small Brotherhood of Steel insignia embroidered patch was sewn to the sleeve.  He was always seen in it, much like Hancock was always in his colonial get-up.

Beyond him, Lynn was among the three escorts in power armor and the one scribe he had brought with him.  He was rolling a little deeper than I had anticipated.  Not a good sign.  “Please, come in,” I offered.  “However, the office isn’t very big.  Do you mind if a couple of your paladins remain outside?”

He was scowling and didn’t say a word.  He motioned to Lynn and the scribe, and the other two paladins posted on either side of the door.  Fahrenheit, also looking perturbed, waved a couple of her guards to the doorway as well.  Leaving the door open, she stepped into the office with us.

“Feel free to have a seat.”

“No, thanks.  I prefer to stand,” he said firmly.

“Can I get you anything?  Would you like a drink?”

“No.  You can skip the pleasantries.”

“Okay…”  I walked over to the front of the desk and took the stack of papers there in my arms.  I turned around and offered them to Maxson.  “Here is the most recent draft of our proposal for you to look over.”

He took the papers from me and handed them to the scribe without so much as a glance.  “I’ll look it over back at the Prydwen.”

“Wouldn’t you rather do that now so that we can discuss them?”

“Not really.”

“But –“

“Look, Felina, I didn’t come all the way out here to pick up a stack of papers.  I have some things to say to you and I wanted to say them in person.”

I leaned my butt back on the desk and braced my hands on the edge.  “Okay, I’m listening.”

“You got lucky when you destroyed the Institute.  I don’t owe you any thanks for that, because we would have done the same eventually without you.  You are not a leader.  You don’t possess any of the defining characteristics of one.  Lynn is the only reason I even considered this meeting in the first place.  She’s an honorable member of the BoS and highly respected by the troops.  But you…You are a traitorous, self-serving liar, and I have no respect for you.”

“Now wait just a minute.  I may be clumsy and sometimes short sighted, but – “

“Short-sighted is putting it lightly.  I am certain this bleeding-heart agenda of yours and Lynn’s is the beginning of the end for us all.”

Lynn’s eyes narrowed and her head perked up.  Before she could respond, Maxson continued speaking, waving toward her, but never breaking his piercing eye contact with me.  “She has the BoS under some kind of spell.  They are as in love with her as the Minutemen are with you, so if I didn’t take her requests seriously, I would lose a lot of ground with my men.  But ultimately I cannot abide by any of this synth-rights-and-ghoul-integration crap.  It goes entirely against everything the Brotherhood of Steel stands for and is certain to doom life as we know it now to the same fate - or worse - than that of your pre-war lives 200 years ago.  Having been there yourselves, I’m really very surprised that neither one of you can see that.  Instead, you have gone to great lengths to protect your ridiculous little ‘family’ unit.  You’re like a child playing house with your ghoul husband and synth son just because you are too weak to handle what happened to your real family.”

I could feel my body getting hot with rage.  “So is that the only reason you came here, then?  To insult me – _y mi familia_ \- in my own home?”

“That’s your game, isn’t it?  You brought that monstrosity on board my ship, stole our power armor – “

“I brought it back.” I replied facetiously.

“Not without slapping us in the face with your ghoul fetish and stealing one of our vertibirds.  And then you expect me to come here, in the den of everything I am opposed to, and negotiate with you.  If I had less dignity, I would kill you right there where you stand.”

Fahrenheit reached for her gun as she locked her eyes on Maxson.

He shot her an unintimidated sideways glance.  “But I’m a bigger man than that.”

“Look, I know you and I got off on the wrong foot.  I fully intended to give you back the power armor, which I did, and I never meant to steal the vertibird.  Like we’ve established already, I can be a little short-sighted.  Things got a little hostile when I brought back your suit and I hadn’t planned ahead for that.  It was our only way to get off the Prydwen.”

“Things got hostile because you deliberately antagonized my men when you were there, groping and tonguing that _thing_ that shouldn’t have been on my ship in the first place!”

My eyes squeezed shut tight and I pushed two fingers into my temple to cut off the impending stress headache.  _I could really use a hit of anything right now…_ “Can you fucking lay off of Hancock, please? “  He was starting to rattle me.  If I had known that little excursion was going to come back and bite me in the ass, I never would have gone in the first place.  “I’m sorry about that, truly.  It was right after we had taken on the Institute and I was still a little excitable by the whole ordeal, so I may have displayed some poor judgement…”

“That is not an acceptable excuse.  A true leader can make reasonable decisions under any circumstances.”

My arms instinctively folded in abject defiance.  “Oh, I can be reasonable, Maxson.  Do you want the vertibird back?  You can _have_ it back.”

“Yes, I would, actually.”

“Okay, fine.  It’s right here in Goodneighbor.”  I made a general outward motion.  “Take it.”

“It is mine, after all.  I don’t need your permission.”

“Noted.”

“So would you mind showing me to it?” he asked with fake civility.

“No problem.  Once I have, can we start over and have a real conversation?”

“I’ll consider it.  The vertibird, first.”

“Fine.  Follow me.”  I led them up the stairs to the rooftop, all the while fuming and trying not to show it.  The long trail of people behind me took up the entire staircase as they all stood in line behind me while I fumbled with the rooftop latch.  _This is fucking ridiculous._

I finally got the hatch open and climbed out, with the rest of our caravan spilling onto the roof behind me.  I took one look at the rooftop and froze in shock.  The vertibird was gone.

“Do you think this is funny?” Maxson hissed impatiently.  “I don’t _see_ a vertibird.”

“Me neither…”

“Exactly what are you trying to pull, Felina?” 

The two paladins I didn’t know drew their laser rifles.  Fahrenheit and her guards drew their weapons in response.  Everyone stood in an intense circle ready to go off at the slightest infraction.

“Nothing!  I’m not trying to pull anything.  It _was_ here...”

“So where is it now?”

“Hancock.  He must have taken it somewhere.”

“You mean to tell me a _ghoul_ is piloting one of my crafts right now?!”

“Well, I didn’t foresee having to tell him not to use it today.  He doesn’t normally go anywhere in it without me.”

“The last time I trusted you, I came to regret it.  I’m not going to make the same mistake twice.  You have three days to return my aircraft or there will be consequences.”  He turned to go, and his heavily armored posse followed.

“Wait!  Don’t leave!”

Lynn turned back and gave me a sympathetic look.  She held her hands out and mouthed, “I’m sorry,” before rushing to catch up with the rest of them.

I just stood there, stupefied.  My face was numb from the gusts of wind that blew that high up, but I was too lost to care.

Fahrenheit sent her guards to follow Maxson out and then walked over to me.  “Well, he was more pleasant than I expected.  You okay?”

“That could have gone better.”

“It also could have gone worse.”

“Why?  Why did Hancock have to take the vertibird today of all days?”

“It doesn’t matter.  Even if you were able to give it to Maxson, today, it wouldn’t have changed anything.  He’s not going to budge.  You’re going to end up having to kill him.”

“That’s been the way for too long.  My whole point is to try and change that.  I’m trying to do what’s right.”

“That kind of change isn’t going to happen overnight.  Just so you know, it may not even be possible without busting a few more heads first.”  She started towards the stairs.  “You coming?”

“Not yet.  I’m going to wait around for Hancock.”

“Suit yourself.” 

She disappeared down the hatch and I took a seat on a broken a/c unit, looking out into the sky.  _Where the hell did Hancock go in the vertibird?_

 

* * *

 

I sat on the roof long past being chilled to the bone by the wind.  When I couldn’t handle it anymore, I came downstairs to see if Hancock had left a note that morning that I may have missed.  I couldn’t find one and started getting antsy.  Still cold from being on the roof, I took a shot of bourbon and had a hot bath to warm up.  _Surely Hancock will be back by the time I finish._

The sun was down when I got done with my bath.  I put the same clothes on and went up to the rooftop once more, this time with a heavy coat on over the general’s uniform, and saw that the vertibird was still gone.  I sat down on a ledge again, unsure what to do.  I sat there until my eyelids got heavy, and then I dragged myself back downstairs to the office. 

I walked in, ready to collapse onto the bed, forgetting that Fahrenheit and I had moved the frame across the hall.  Instead, I just settled in on the couch - boots, coat, and all. 

Sleep didn’t come easy, but it eventually came, although troubled and not at all refreshing.  After only a few hours, when the sun was starting to rise, I got up and ran to the rooftop once more.  Still nothing.  As I came dejectedly downstairs, I caught sight of Fahrenheit making her way to her usual post.  “Any word on Hancock?”  I asked her, descending the steps.

“I haven’t heard anything,” she replied as she tamped a fresh pack of cigarettes.

“This is highly unusual.  I’m really worried…”

“Hey, I’m sure he didn’t mean to be gone all night.  He probably ran into some complications – whatever he was doing – but it’s nothing he can’t handle.”

I took off the heavy coat I was wearing and tossed it over a chair.  “I need to get back to the Railroad today and let them know what happened with Maxson, but I don’t want to leave Goodneighbor until I know Hancock is alright.”

“Seriously, don’t sweat it.  He can take care of himself.  You do what you need to do.  He’ll most likely be back by the time you’re done.”

“I think I’d rather wait.  I don’t have any good news for them anyway, so I’m not really in any hurry to meet with them.”

I wasted some time in the Third Rail.  Hoyt and MacCready were playing cards and I had them deal me in.  I spent most of the afternoon doing that, not really enjoying myself, but it helped distract me a little bit.  Later, when the game broke up and I had to keep myself busy, I started drinking a little.  After a while, I started drinking a lot.  I was getting sloppy drunk with Hancock’s arrival being my subconscious cut-off point that never came.  Magnolia had to help me up the stairs back to the office when I reached the point of black out.  Night two of sleeping alone.

I woke up the next morning wearing the same thing I had been wearing for days with a nasty hangover in our bed, which someone was kind enough to move back into the office and tuck me into.  I was still its only occupant, though.  I already knew what I would find, but I was compelled to check the roof one more time.  I sullenly climbed the stairs with my blanket wrapped around my shoulders.  I emerged onto the empty roof, the edges of the blanket pulling away from me in the gusty air.  I just stood there, stoically looking out across horizon. 

A few moments later, Fahrenheit came up the stairs behind me.  She stood silently beside me for a couple minutes.  “I know this looks bad,” she started in gently.  “And I can’t imagine how you feel right now, but it’s going to be okay.”

I kept looking forward, avoiding her gaze.  “You weren’t this optimistic the other day when Maxson came.”

“No, I wasn’t.  It’s because I’m more of a realist, so you can trust me when I say he’s fine.  I know Hancock.  He’ll be back.”

I sighed.  “I guess I’ll go ahead and meet with the Railroad today.  There’s nothing I can do here, and there’s no sense keeping them waiting.”

“Would you like some company or would you rather go alone?”

I looked down at me feet and started fidgeting the toes of my boots together.  “It doesn’t matter to me.”

“Alright.  I’ll come with you then.  You go get ready while I speak to security and I’ll meet you downstairs.”

We made it to the Old North Church.  Once inside, we met with Desdemona who was already wearing a flat expression on her face.  “You would have been here sooner if you had something good to tell us.  I take it things didn’t go well.”

“You’d assume correctly,” I replied while struggling to light a cigarette.  The flint on my flip lighter kept flicking a tiny, sharp spark, but wouldn’t stay lit.  Fahrenheit drew a match down her side and pulled the flame to my face for me.  “Lynn was misled.  Maxson had no intention of ever negotiating with us.  To make matters worse, he wants his vertibird back, but Hancock disappeared in it and hasn’t returned yet.  Maxson gave me a time limit and ultimatum.”

“What kind of ultimatum?”

I exhaled a long stream of smoke.  “He didn’t specify, but judging from his demeanor, I’d say it involves some violence.”

“On you?  Goodneighbor?  The Castle, what?”

“I really don’t know.”

“How much time do you have left?”

“A day.”

She began fidgeting.  “Look, you know we have one of their vertibirds, too…”

“I don’t think they know about that.  You should be fine.”

“No, listen.  If you think it will sate him… you can have that one.”

Fahrenheit’s face scrunched into stubborn anger.  “No, fuck him!  He doesn’t want to negotiate with us, we’re not negotiating with him!  Don’t give in to anything he asks for.  He wants war, give him war.  He doesn’t know who he’s fucking with…”

I ashed on the floor.  “I really don’t want to go to war with the BoS.  Not that I don’t think we could take them, but peace is what we were going for, right?”  I sighed.  “Regardless, you don’t have to give them the Railroad’s vertibird.  I’m sure he’d know the difference anyway.  They probably have serial numbers or something.”

Dez looked extremely uneasy.  “So what is your plan then, _General_?”

Just then, Lynn came barreling through the Railroad entrance, pushing past everyone to get to me.  “Felina!”

We all turned to face her at once. 

She was out of breath and she had a disturbingly unnerved look about her.  “Felina, I’m so sorry!  I didn’t know Maxson would – I’m so, so sorry!”

“It’s okay, Lynn.  I don’t blame you for Maxson’s bullshit the other day.  You tried.  That’s all anyone can do.”

“No, not that.”  Her eyes closed, and I saw a tear form in the corner of her lid.  It shook and shimmied down the side of her cheek in a tiny stream when she reopened her eyes.

My brow furrowed and I felt goosebumps spread across my body in time with the feeling of dread that washed over me.  “What is it, Lynn?”

“Maxson’s men found the vertibird you stole flying just north of the Glowing Sea – “

“The Glowing Sea?”

“They radioed in to the Prydwen when they saw it, and he ordered them to shoot it down.”

The lit cigarette fell from my fingertips.  “Wh-what?”

“He told them to bring the pilot in as a prisoner, but… but they reported that he didn’t survive.”

I was sure I heard that wrong.  “Who didn’t survive?!”

She just shook her head and more tears fell from her lashes.  Her voice wavered.  “I’m so sorry, Felina.”

I felt my heart crumbling in on itself into a tight ball.  “No… no, you’re wrong…”

She reached into her bag and produced the tattered tricorn hat, holding it out to me.  “They brought this back to the Prydwen.”

My trembling hands carefully took the unmistakable hat from her.  When she let go, my fingers clamped down into it.

Fahrenheit was vibrating with rage.  She growled and picked up a glass beaker off of a table, throwing it into the brick wall and shattering it.  “Bullshit!  Maxson is fucking dead!  You hear me?!  Dead!”

“No…”  My arms wrapped around the hat and held it close to my stomach as I doubled over.  “No…  no…”  My legs buckled and I hit the ground.  I heard a commotion around me as people rushed to my aid.  Their voices were just static, drowned out by my rapid heartbeat that was pounding in my head.  I buried my face in the hat, trying to just disappear, as though I could escape from this reality.  When he hadn’t returned, I had expected the worst, but I wasn’t really prepared for it.


	9. Transfer My Tragedy

I was feral.  Wearing Hancock’s hat and piloting the Railroad’s vertibird, Fahrenheit and I were out for blood.  We went to the Castle and I radioed in some instructions to Preston.  If the fight made it all the way back there – which I didn’t plan on letting it get that far, but just in case - I wanted him to take Shaun to the safety of the vault.  “Tell him mommy and daddy love him very much for me, will ya Preston?”

“What’s going on, General?”

“War.  Thank you for everything, Preston.  You’ve been a really good friend to me.  This might be goodbye.”

I could still hear his voice calling out to me through the radio as I dropped the receiver and marched to the Castle’s armory.  Fahrenheit and I loaded up on explosives and headed back to the vertibird. 

Ronnie was rushing to catch up with us. “That’s some serious fire power you’re taking with you.  Is there something I need to know?”

Fahrenheit and I were rigging the explosives and burying them in my suit jacket.  “Make sure the canons are manned and keep your eyes to the airport.  Shouldn’t be an issue, but no sense getting caught with your pants down.”  I pointed out over the harbor at the Prydwen.  “If I don’t come back by sundown, blow that fucking turd out of the sky.”

“Yes, ma’am!”

We took off to the skies and the Castle shrank below us as we flew toward the floating Brotherhood base.  Once our vertibird was docked, we calmly boarded the airship, moving with swift determination. 

I remembered the mouthy paladin at the cabin’s entrance as the one who had antagonized Hancock the first time we had visited the airship.

“Well, if it isn’t the ghoul fucker,” he said as I approached the door.  “Nice hat.  Heard your necrophiliac fantasies finally came true.”

“Can it, cocksucker!  I need to speak to Maxson.”

He sneered at me and stepped aside.  “Go right ahead.  I’m sure he’d love to gloat to your face.”

We made our way to the front of the ship where Maxson was standing with his back to us, staring out the window with his hands clasped behind his back.  

“So, I take it Lynn brought you the news,” he said before he turned around.  “We’re even now, in case you were wondering.”

I glared deep into his eyes from the shadow cast on my face by the brim of the tricorn hat .  “I wouldn’t say we’re even.  I never killed any of your men.”

“I didn’t kill any of your men either,” he replied matter-of-factly.  “A ghoul is hardly a man.”

Fahrenheit and I exchanged a glance and she drew a gun, putting a bullet through the window behind him.  The initial crack spread through the glass pane in a spider web pattern.  Maxson’s eyes went wide as we charged him, grabbing him from either side, and shoved him into the cracked glass, shattering the whole thing. The wind whipped into the hull as we jammed his body into the railing, leaning him over the side of the ship.  Fahrenheit punched him in the face.

“¡Comame, you pinche mula!”  I yelled as we pushed him backwards and let his body slip over the railing.  We caught him by his feet.  “Fuck you!”

Maxson, dangling upside-down miles above the earth’s surface, started laughing like a maniac.  “Fuck me?  Fuck me?!”  He kept laughing.  “What, are you going to kill me, Felina?  What is that going to do?  If I die, the Brotherhood of Steel will live on!  My men will still fight for what is right!  Your disorganized, incompetent Minutemen won’t stand a chance, especially without any leadership, however poor it may be.  _You’ll_ never make it off the Prydwen alive!”

I let go with one hand and opened the side of my blue jacket, flashing him all the explosives I had on me.  “That’s the plan, Maxson,” I told him with the collected coolness of a clinical psychopath.  “No one is.”

He abruptly stopped laughing.  “Wait, let’s talk.”

Fahrenheit and I smirked at each other.  She chuckled. “Oh, _now_ he wants to talk! You didn’t seem very interested in talking the other day, Maxson.  Why the change of heart?”

“Whatever issues you and I have don’t include this ship and the people on it – “

My words dripped with bitterness.  “An eye for an eye, Maxson.  That’s _your_ game.  I think destroying the Prydwen – the one thing you love more than yourself – is the only way to make us perfectly even for what happened to Hancock.”

“No!  Just let me up and we can work this out!”

“Fucking beg me, you piece of shit.”

“Ok, please.  …Please…”

I gave Fahrenheit a nod, and we pulled him back onto the ship. 

He stood up straight and ran his hands down his battlecoat, smoothing it out and dusting it off.  “I admit I went a little too far.  Hancock’s death was not my intention, however.  I was trying to…”

“How are you going to make that up to me?  How?!”

He lowered his brow.  “What do you want?”

“I want your coat.”

His face contorted in confusion.  “What?”

“That’s just the beginning, but if you don’t want me to blow this ship to kingdom come, you can start by removing your coat and giving it to me.”

Still looking baffled, he hesitantly removed his coat and handed it over. 

I put it on over my suit.  He exhaled a pained groan as I ripped the BoS patch off, flinging it to the floor.  “Get on your knees.”

“You can’t be serious.”

Fahrenheit pushed her gun point blank to his temple while I pulled at the side of the Minuteman General jacket underneath his coat, perilously jiggling the explosives.  “I’m a very desperate woman with nothing to lose.  Do I look like I’m joking?”

He lowered to the ground, but not without shooting me a look of quiet rage.  “What now?  Why am I down here?”

“Apologize to me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Like you mean it.”

He narrowed his eyes at me and his voice lowered in pitch to something reminiscent of Hancock’s feral gravel.  “I am so very, very sorry.”

“Offer me things.  Anything I want.”

“What, like caps?”

“It’s a start.”

“You can have anything you want.  Caps, ammo, power armor.  You can have another vertibird.  What do you _want_?”

“I want Hancock back, you mother fucker!”  I kicked him the face with the force of a tidal wave.

His head recoiled at the blow, and he whipped back around with a grunt, covering his face with his hands.  Blood started to seep between his fingers and down his knuckles.  “The treaty!… Do you want me to sign the treaty?”

“No, fuck that, Maxson.  It’s too late for that.  You and I can’t coexist.”

He flung the blood from his fingertips and sternly looked up at us, straightening his posture.  “So kill me then, and get it over with.”

“No.  _I’m_ the bigger man.  I’m not killing anyone.”

Fahrenheit, never taking the gun off Maxson, looked at me out of the corner of her eyes.  “What?!”  She barked in disbelief.

“I’ve done it before, and it’s never as satisfying as you’d think it would be.  No, I want you to take your precious, fucking Prydwen, and you and your racist lackeys can tuck your shitty little tails between your legs and get the fuck out of my Commonwealth.  If I ever see you again, _that’s_ when I’ll kill you.”

Maxson slowly blinked.  “That’s it?  You expect me to just surrender and flee?”

“Look at me, Maxson.  You underestimate me and what I’m capable of,” I growled, inches from his face.  “It wasn’t luck when I blew up the Institute. Keep in mind if I could do that how easily I could have done the same here, today.  Not just from up here on board, but my men down below are armed with heavy artillery and will still sink this goddamn ship without batting an eye if I don’t come back. When I tell you to leave, I am showing you mercy, which is more than you would ever do.  I want you to remember that.”

His eyes glazed over with angry, reluctant defeat.  “Of course.”

I turned to leave.  “Be gone by sundown.”

Fahrenheit and I stepped out onto the ship’s deck and everyone turned their laser rifles toward us when they saw me wearing Maxson’s coat.  “Everything’s fine!  We were just negotiating!”  I yelled to them.  I pulled the door open wider behind me and motioned inside.  “See for yourself.”

Maxson was walking up the Prydwen’s hallway behind us, wiping the blood off his face with a handkerchief.  He pulled the bloody cloth away revealing a freshly-forming black eye and a venomous scowl.  “Let them pass,” he growled through clenched teeth.

Fahrenheit climbed on board the Railroad’s stolen vertibird.  “You should have killed him,” she hissed as she offered me a hand up. 

“I wanted to.” 

“Then why don’t you?”  She pulled her hand back.  “It’s not too late…”

I shook my head.  “I’m trying not to let my emotions get the best of me.  He’ll be leaving soon enough, and that leaves only me to lead the Commonwealth.  I don’t intend to do so as a tyrant, or else I’m no better than Maxson or the Institute.”  I panned my vision across the deck to the vertibird docked opposite the one we came on.  “Go on ahead,” I called to her as I sauntered down the walkway.  “I’ll meet you there in _my_ vertibird.”

I sat down in the cockpit and called to a nearby paladin.  “A little help?”

He looked back at Maxson, bewildered.  Maxson gave him a nod, and the paladin released the vertibird’s pin from the deck.  “Thanks.”  I started the aircraft’s engine. “Of the people, for the people, fuckers!”  I exclaimed over the beating, whirling blades as I took off.

The last time I piloted an aircraft away from the Prydwen, I didn’t know how to control it.  This time I soared through the blue with ease.  Last time, I also had Hancock with me.  Now, I was on my own again, just like when I left the vault. 

I was familiar with this void inside me, but I had never really gotten used to it.  If I hadn’t been united with synth Shaun, I’m fairly certain I would have just let go of the controls right then and let the helicopter drift into oblivion, but I was all he had left now.  I had to be strong for him.

Hot tears started to sting my eyes, and I took a deep breath to try and calm myself.

The urgency of my sorrow started to overpower me and I brought the vertibird to a landing on the roof of the nearest building.  I shut the engine off and sat still for a moment.  The emotions forced their way out of me and I yelled and screamed as I punched the metal on the helicopter’s control panel until my hand bled. 

I pulled the note Hancock wrote me out of my breast pocket and read it again.

“ _Nothing can keep me from you, my love._ ”

The blood from my knuckles raced down my palm and a drop touched the edge of the paper, soaking into it and spreading thinly.  I fell forward on the dash and cried my heart out into the empty, lonely sky.


	10. Square One

ACT II

* * *

 

“What do _I_ want?” 

I put my mouth right beside Felina’s ear and whispered in my most seductive tone, “Yes, love.  What do you want?”

“What will you give me?”

“Anything you want.”  My mouth may have been occupied with the enticing flesh at her neck, but I had a free hand.  I reached under the hem of her skirt and started navigating my way up.

“Thaaat’s …that’ll work…”  She began to embrace me with all four limbs.  Completely shrouded in her, I didn’t need any further encouragement.  I was already stripped down to just my underwear, so I’m sure she was fully aware of this fact…

Then came the knock on the office door.

“I’m busy!”  I recommenced lavishing her neck with kisses, impervious to the interruption.

The knocking came again.

“Go away!”  We both yelled at the offender.

Fahrenheit called to me from the other side of the door.  “It’s important.”

I deflated dejectedly on top of Felina’s breasts.  That was the exact thing I didn’t want to hear.  “I’ll be right there.”  Pushing myself up, I gave Felina a quick peck of promise on the lips and told her, “To be continued, love.”

After getting filled in on the situation by Fahrenheit, I got dressed and said goodbye to Felina.  Once I was ready, I came through the office doors into the hall where Fahrenheit was waiting for me. 

“Oh, good,” she remarked.  “You put the monster away.”

We started down the spiral stairs.  “I didn’t think your kind paid attention to such things.”

“Please.  Noticing how repulsive those things are is what makes a girl realize she’s into snatch in the first place.”

“Fair enough.”

Lynn was coming through the State House doors as we reached the bottom of the stairs. 

“Ah, Lynn,” I said as we moved past her without stopping.  “Hurry upstairs and catch Felina before she starts diddling herself.”  I caught the door she just came through as it was swinging closed.  “That’s my job and I don’t want her getting off without me.”  I shut the door behind me before she could respond. 

We continued briskly to the warehouse where Babbitt, the delivery man, was waiting nervously with two other people I was unfamiliar with.

Fahrenheit moved forward, motioning toward me.  “I told you he was here.”

He tried to hide a slight panic that his eyes were telling.  “Mayor Hancock!  How the hell are you?”

“Can it, Babbit!  Are you trying to fuck me?”  I charged at him swiftly.

“Of course not – “

“That’s not what I hear.”

“I don’t know what Fahrenheit told you, but there’s no need to – “

I got right in his face.  “Are you scared right now?”  I growled quietly.  “Because you should be.”

His two associates anxiously started going for their guns, but Fahrenheit pulled out her weapon and shook her head at them.  They backed off.

His eyes involuntarily drew downward and I followed his gaze, noticing the wet spot spreading on his pants.  I smirked.  “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“H-Hancock, I –“

“Save it.  I don’t want to hear it.”  I kept my voice in an unsettling, placid tone.  “It ain’t gone unnoticed by me that ya been skimming off the top, and I know ya only got here early to deliberately try and avoid me.”  I calmly unsheathed my knife and slowly turned the blade in the air between us, passively examining its edges.  “None of that really matters right now, though, because you’re gonna make this right, ain't ya?”

“Sure thing.”

“I’m thinking a discount is in order.  Prorated and deep.”

His wide eyes were locked onto the knife.  “Naturally.”

“I need you to know something Babbitt.  It shouldn’t matter if I’m here or not…”  I lightly skimmed the blade across his cheek.  “Everything I’m capable of, Fahrenheit is, too.”  I let the handle of the knife slip down my fingers and I caught it by the blade, suddenly flinging it straight at Fahrenheit.

Without so much as a flinch, she caught it expertly in her off hand, spinning it just the way I do, all the while casually wearing a smartass grin.  I swelled with pride. 

Turning back to Babbit, I shoved him into a crate and held him there with one hand, stepping aside.  Fahrenheit flung the blade back in our direction, pinning his shirt to it.  He screamed and covered his face, but he was completely unharmed. 

I pulled my blade from the wooden crate and slid it back into my boot.  Taking a step back, I dusted his shirt off for him.  “So, are we on the level now?”

“Y-y-yes!”

“Alright.  Fahrenheit and I are about to check the contents of these crates.  We ain’t gonna find any surprises, are we?”

“N-no!”

“Good.”  I patted his shoulder and glanced down at his wet crotch again.  “While we do that, why don’t you go clean yourself up, huh?  You’re a mess.”

 

* * *

 

 

The shipment situation didn’t take as long as I anticipated.  Once I was done there, I marched up to the roof to the vertibird in preparation to catch up with Felina.  I dug around in my pocket for a hit of jet, taking in the entire contents of the inhaler before starting the engine of the vertibird. 

I was close to the Old North Church in no time.  I figured she was about balls deep in discussing that treaty by then, but after a quick glance at the position of the sun, I realized it was still extremely early in the day.  I knew they would be discussing things all day, and they didn’t really need me there for it.  Felina would fill me in on all the details anyhow, so why rush?  It was a nice day, and a leisurely flight sounded like fun.

I flew right past the Railroad HQ and on to the coast to take in some ocean sights.  Off in the distance, I recognized the lighthouse where Felina and I had spent our “honeymoon.”  I thought about landing to see if anyone had occupied it yet, but decided that was something I should probably do when I had Felina with me.  I turned around and started heading back.

As I approached the Old North Church once more, I decided I wasn’t really ready to end my tour so quickly and tried to think of someplace else I could visit.  Then, out of the literal blue, I remembered Virgil.  All those times I had to take that trip on foot to the Glowing Sea to meet with him, but now I had an easier way, and I hadn’t been back to see him since I brought him the serum.  At that point, my curiosity had full control over me and I had to go see if the serum had worked.  I steered the aircraft south towards the Glowing Sea.

It didn’t really take long to get there.  I was thoroughly amused by this fact considering how much trouble it had been to get there in the past.  I brought the vertibird to a landing right outside the entrance to his cave and proceeded in on foot. 

I started calling to him before I reached the corner of his bunker.  He always had heavy security due to his lingering paranoia of the Institute finding him, even all the way out in bum-fuck nowhere.  Trip wires, turrets, and a robot bodyguard… Seemed a little over the top in my opinion, but to each his own.

“Virgil!  It’s Hancock!  Are you home?”

His voice answered me from around the stone wall.  “Where else would I be?”

“Good point.”  I rounded the corner, not really prepared for what I saw.  The serum had worked!  Standing there next to the shabby worktables functioning as a lab in the clammy, dingy cave was Virgil.  He was completely human again, though he still had a fiercely resentful look in his eyes.  It probably had little to do with his time spent as a super mutant, though.  I got the impression he was always a sour dude.  “You _are_ Virgil, right?”

The corners of his mouth drew down in exasperation.  “Yes.”

“Just making sure I had the right remote cave in the middle of the Sea.”

He wasn’t as amused as I was.  “Is there something you needed, ghoul?”

“Just checking up on you.  I was interested to see if your anti-mutagen worked.”

“Of course.”  He turned to his lab and resumed whatever he was doing before I got there.

“So, in case you haven’t heard, the Institute is no more.  They’ve been destroyed.”

He paused.  “How can you be so sure?”

“I was there.” 

He stood, still frozen, considering the implications of what I said.  “How?”

“Blown to oblivion.  The CIT ruins are just a crater now.” I made a mock explosion sound and accentuated it by forming a ball with my hands and wiggling my fingers outward. 

He lowered his eyebrows and turned to me.  “All the inhabitants?“

“We issued an evacuation warning, so some people had the chance to escape, but anyone who stayed to fight died by my hands personally.”

“And Father?”

“He was dying anyway.  He had a terminal illness.”  It got quiet between us and I started idly tapping my fingers on my leg. 

After a long uncomfortable silence, he finally turned back to the lab.  “It was for the best.”

“So I guess that means you can come out of hiding now.”

He was still barely acknowledging my presence.  “There’s nothing out there for me.”

“Nonsense.  I’m sure we could use your knowledge and expertise in rebuilding the Commonwealth.”

“Who’s ‘we’?”

“The Minutemen.”

He had a hearty chuckle at my answer.  “No, thank you.”

I pursed my lips.  “But your antimutagen?  If we set you up with a lab and everything you need, you could mass produce it –“

“First of all, I am no one’s trained monkey.  Second, it can’t be done.”

“Why not?”

“The only reason it worked on me is because I had a sample of my DNA from before the transformation.  I haven’t discovered a way to make it work without that.”

I tossed his words around in my head for a moment.  “So if you have a sample of un-mutated DNA, _then_ you can create a serum to restore it?”

He sighed in irritation.  “Yes, that is what I just said.”

The cogs in my head were turning at this point.  “In theory, would you be able to do that for ghouls, too?”

“It wouldn’t be the same process, but in theory, yes, it could be done.”  He looked at me sideways.  “I haven’t performed any research in that area, though.” 

I lit a cigarette and made myself at home.  “What kind of DNA are we talking here?”

“Forget it, ghoul.  Unless you had –“

“I mean does it have to be the exact person’s DNA?  Could it be from, say, a relative?”

“No.”

I may not know much about science, but I wasn’t ready to accept ‘no’ for an answer just yet.  “But relatives share DNA.”

“Only half at most and that’s between parents and offspring.  Very simply put, the genes are present in chromosomes found in the nucleus of both parents’ cells.  These chromosomes come in pairs and are copied each time a cell divides.  However, in the ovaries or testes of the parents, the process of cell division is modified so that the egg or sperm cells end up with just one half of each pair of chromosomes from the parent.“

“So what I’m hearing is if you had samples of _two_ relatives’ DNA you could piece it together.”

“You’re starting to agitate me.  What is it going to take to get you to go away?”

“Could you?”

He sighed.  “I suppose I could piece _something_ together, but nothing exact.  It’s not something I’m interested in doing, though.”

I took a long drag from the cigarette and exhaled a billowing cloud of smoke.  “I could pay you.”

“You don’t have anything I want.”

“What do you want?”

“Peace and quiet.”

I dropped the square and stomped it out.  “Done.”

He waved at me dismissively.  “I’m not doing it.”

“Hey, I didn’t actually say I want you to.  This is all just hypothetical.”

“Goodbye Hancock.”

I started toward the exit.  “Yeah, alright.  See you around, Virgil.”

“Not too soon, I hope.”


	11. Not-So Timid Little Teether

The next time we came to Sanctuary, Felina was working on writing up the treaty every chance she could, so I was spending a lot of one-on-one time with Shaun.  She was really pushing herself, trying to split her time between the write-up and her son, and as it was, I was already worried about her before that one night, when she was looking exceptionally worn out and becoming scatterbrained and cranky.

She insisted it was just stress.  She said she just needed to focus and she could get it knocked out, so Shaun and I went outside to give her some privacy.  We walked just past the fence out back and ducked down into the brush by the creek, staring out into the woods, looking for something to hunt.  Dogmeat followed, lying down in the grass between us.

Shaun inadvertently managed to add to my already looming sense of dread that night.   We had been sitting there quietly for probably about an hour with guns poised, but hadn’t yet seen anything we could shoot.

“Come on, dad.  We need to go deeper.” 

“Just be patient, son.”

He folded his arms.  “ _Nothing_ is going to come this close to the town.”

“I don’t want to stress your mom out any more than she already is.”

“But I can go out in the woods with an adult.  She said.  That shouldn’t stress her out if you’re with me.”

“Yeah but I want to stay close enough for her to find us easily if she wants to.”

He huffed, but continued to sit for a while.  The sun started to disappear over the horizon.

I didn’t blame him for being fidgety.  I was starting to get bored, too, as my mentats wore off, and I couldn’t be seen swallowing some more in front of Shaun. 

I noticed some murky clouds rolling in and the air sparked with the electricity of an impending storm.  I reclined against the fence, and set my shotgun down, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.

Shaun’s eyes followed the smoke I exhaled.  When it had dissipated into nothingness, he turned his attention back to me.  “If you and mom think smoking is so bad, why do you do it?”

I took another drag.  “Why do _you_ think?”  I challenged him.

“I dunno.”  He stared off into the woods for a few minutes then turned back to me.  “I think I know why.  Is it for the same reason I went out in the woods by myself?  I knew it could be dangerous, but I just wasn’t scared.”

“Bingo.”

“I wasn’t scared because I trusted myself to be able to handle whatever happened in the woods.  If I was attacked I could defend myself or take advantage of my environment in some way to escape.  Cigarettes are bad for your health and there’s no way to combat that other than to just quit.”

“I suppose…”

“If you’re not scared of cigarettes, does that mean you’re not scared of dying at all?”

I furrowed my brow.  “Well, no.  I can’t afford to be.”

“You’re really not scared of dying?”

“We all gotta go sometime, kid.  You’re really too young to be thinking about this kind of stuff…”

“Ok, I think I get it.  I can see being brave for yourself, and at the same time, being scared for me doing dangerous things, because you wouldn’t want to lose me.”

I sighed.  “You got it.”

“So that’s why you both don’t want _me_ doing dangerous things.  But why do you allow each other to do dangerous stuff?”

“What?”

“You and mom both smoke and do chems… Aren’t you scared of mom dying?”

The air was stifling enough from the humidity without Shaun’s dark curiosity.  “Look, you’re a really smart kid and I’m trying to be perfectly transparent with you, Shaun, but you’re making it kinda hard.  I’d really rather talk about something else.“  I started petting Dogmeat. “If I go get the sniper rifle, would you like to learn how to use that?”

His eyes lit up.  “Yeah!”

I felt a sense of relief that that conversation was finally over.  “If I’m going to teach you how to use the sniper rifle, you gotta find something a little more upbeat to talk about, deal?”

“Deal!”

“Okay.  I’ll be right back.”

As soon as I rounded the corner to the carport outside of Shaun’s line of sight, I pulled out my tin of mentats and popped a couple, shaking my head.  “The mind on that kid…”

I walked into the house and saw it was particularly dark, even for nearly sundown, due to the now overcast sky.  There were no lights on, and all of Felina’s papers of her draft were scattered around the dining table, but she wasn’t around.  I shrugged it off and walked back to the bedroom through the dark.  Felina was there, lying in bed.  _Good.  She needs a break_.

I grabbed the sniper rifle from the rack in the closet and then walked to the edge of the bed, resting the gun against the frame.  I leaned in to give my love a kiss on the cheek, but when I pulled away, I noticed I tasted blood.  I reached up the wall and hit the light switch.  With the light on, I could see that she was bleeding from her nose, mouth, and the corners of her eyes.

I panicked.  “Felina!”  I shook her by the shoulders.  “Felina, wake up!”  I shook her harder, but she wasn’t responding.  I saw the empty syringes on the nightstand and was certain she had od’d.  “Oh, fuck!  Fuckfuckfuck…”

I ran out of the house straight to the fields, hopping into the vertibird.  I brought it to a landing in the yard right in front of our house, leaving the blades spinning as I jumped out. 

People started coming out of their houses to see what the commotion was.  Sturges came running to me from the workshop across the street.  “What’s going on?”

I didn’t stop to explain.  I ran into the house and picked Felina up out of the bed.  Sturges was still standing by the front doorway when I came through, carrying her in my arms, and Shaun and Dogmeat were standing under the carport, watching.

“Sturges!  I need you to keep an eye on Shaun.”  I placed Felina in the vertibird and took off to Goodneighbor.

 

* * *

 

Rad sickness.  After almost dying of rad sickness all those months back, she had deliberately been skipping taking the rad-x, knowing that I was constantly transferring radiation to her.  And all to try to become ghoulified like me…  I would never need to ask her to prove her love to me, that was for sure.  I was just relieved Dr. Amari was able to save her.  I don’t know what I’d do if… 

Once the doctor finished treating her, I helped her get upstairs to our room at the State House and get settled in.  Then I came back to Sanctuary to get her things and let everyone know she was okay. 

The storm bottomed out as I made the flight over to Sanctuary.  Knowing the settlers were going to be nosy anyway and I didn’t plan on being there long either, I went ahead and parked the vertibird in front of the house. 

Sturges came out of the workshop once again to greet me.  Preston was with him and they looked gravely concerned.  I ran across the street to where they were under the carport to get out of the pouring rain.

“Is she…?”  Preston asked, unable to finish.

“She’s fine.  It was radiation poisoning.”

He breathed a sigh.  “How did that happen, though?”

I pulled the sides of my coat tighter around me to combat the chill I was getting from being wet.  “She wasn’t taking enough rad-x.”

Both their faces contorted with confusion.

Preston spoke for both of them when he asked, “How –?”

I wasn’t sure if she wanted them knowing her business.  “It’s complicated.”  I looked past them into the workshop.  “Where’s Shaun?”

Sturges pointed next door.  “Marcy and Jun’s house.  She talked him into staying over there.”

“That’s fine, I guess.”  I tried to stifle a scowl.  “It’s pretty late.  I’m sure he’s asleep by now…  Will you guys tell him everything’s okay when he gets up tomorrow?  Dr. Amari wants Felina to stay put for a few days, so she’s gonna be in Goodneighbor for now.  I’m just grabbing a few things and heading back, but I wanted to let you know she’s alright.”

“Sure, no problem.”

I jogged back across the street to the house.  The bag she usually takes with her was still packed from last time and by the front door.  I gathered her papers up from the table and slid them into the bag.  I started toward the door once more, but had a thought at the last second.  I ran back to the bedroom and grabbed her guitar.

As I was emerging from the bedroom, some movement in the shadows of Shaun’s room caught my eye.  I carefully set the guitar and bag down in the hall and reached for my knife, moving silently into the dark with the blade at my side.  I crossed the threshold to the room, prepared for an attack, when I realized the movement I saw was Dogmeat’s tail wagging.  Shaun was sitting perfectly motionless on the bed and the dog was lying at his feet.  Both of them were soaked.

I slid the knife back into my boot and crossed the room to him.  “Shaun?  What are you doing here?”

He was hugging a teddy bear and didn’t look up.  “Did mom die?”

Those words being spoken by his tiny, angelic voice gripped at my heart.  I sat next to him on the bed and replied to him in the most calm, gentle voice I could muster.  “No, son.  She’s fine.”

He clutched the teddy bear harder.  “I heard Marcy telling Jun that mom overdosed on chems and that she was probably already dead before you even left with her.”

I put my arm around him and pulled him closer.  “She didn’t know you were listening, did she?”

“No.  She said mom was a junkie and I was better off without her.”

I squeezed him.  “Marcy’s a bitch.”

Shaun snickered and looked up at me.  “Dad!”

“She didn’t overdose, you know.  She had rad sickness.”

“How did she get rad sickness?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“If you know how, you have to tell me.  You promised me you would always answer any questions I had honestly, remember?”

“I remember.”

“So do you know how she got sick?”

“Yeah.  From me.”

He was quiet for a few moments.  “From sex?”

“You already know about that?”  I ruffled his hair.  “I thought _I_ was going to get to tell you about the horizontal tango…”

“People talk.  I figured out a long time ago that if you are quiet and look busy, adults talk about things like you’re not there.”

I smiled.  “You never cease to amaze me, Shaun.”

“Mom really is a junkie, though.  She thinks I don’t know, but I know.”

He was starting to vex me all over again.  “Shaun, your mom knows you’re smart and that you know things, but it would look even worse if she didn’t at least try to keep some adult stuff from you.”

“Why?”

“That’s just the way other adults judge each other.  It’s stupid, I know, but that’s how the game is played.  Anyway, it doesn’t matter.  Your mom most definitely ain’t a junkie.  She used to do chems, but she’s not going to do them anymore.”

“Really?” he asked skeptically.

“I promised to always be honest with you, didn’t I?”

“Well, since it’s coming from you, I believe it, but I still don’t respect her.”

I lowered my eyebrows.  “And why not?”

“Because.  She plays those stupid adult games.  You don’t.  I know you do chems, but you don’t lie about it like a junkie would.  You treat me better than anyone else does, like an equal.  She treats me like a baby.”

“It’s because she loves you, Shaun.  Everyone shows their love in different ways.  You can’t fault her for that.  In fact, you’re a lot like her.”

“Nuh uh.  How?”

“That incredible brain of yours.  It’s certainly not my genes.”

He smirked.  “That’s because you’re not my real dad.”

I returned his sly grin.  “Hey, there’s no reason to get personal!”

He threw his arms around me.  “I’m just fuckin’ with ya, dad.”

After a while, I was able to convince him to go back to Marcy’s house.  Knocking on her door in the middle of the stormy night with Shaun by my side was personally satisfying since her judgmental ass didn’t even realize he had left.  When I boarded the vertibird to leave, I was still smiling to myself from all the different ways this night had turned itself around.


	12. The Ghoul’s Workday

The next day, I was awake before her, as usual.  I reclined on my side, just watching her sleep, counting myself lucky that I had her.  I was still having trouble believing she wanted to turn ghoul for me.  The whole idea of it started digging its heels into my head, and I become preoccupied with the thought…

She bounced back pretty quickly, all things considered.  Fully recovered, and with a system clear of chems, she was ready to bang that treaty out.  After almost losing her, I was still feeling a heightened sense of gratitude for having her in my life, and was admittedly being a little clingy.

She was sitting at the desk, bent over her stacks of papers.  “Don’t you have something more productive you could be doing?”

I was leaning on the chair behind her, stroking her hair, mesmerized.  “Not better than this, no.”

“No offense, querido, but I think I’d like it if you’d leave for a while.  I only have a couple days left until the next meeting, and I really need to get this finished.  If you keep your hands on me like that, I can’t get anything done.”

I let my fingers careen down her form to her hips, memorizing the feel of her before reluctantly pulling them away.  ”Okay, love.  I’ll go occupy myself elsewhere.  Are you sure you’ll be fine?”

She motioned to the hall.  “Fahrenheit is right outside if I need anything.  Don’t worry.”

“Alright.”  I started filling my pockets with the chems on the nightstand.  That was the first time it hit me that I wouldn’t be sharing them with Felina anymore.  I grabbed all the med-x, thinking it would be easier on her newfound sobriety if she didn’t have to look at it.  I gave her a goodbye kiss.  “I’ll be back by sundown.”

I stepped out into Goodneighbor’s streets, squinting at the bright sun beating down on me. _What to do…_

I walked through town, casually surveying everything that was going on.  Nothing unusual – Daisy and KL-E-O had their shops open for business, guards were manning all their regular posts, drifters were loitering on the curbs.  I made my way back through Scollay Square toward the State House building and stepped through the door to the Third Rail.

It was still early in the day, which is not the most exciting time to be in a bar.  A couple patrons were scattered about the dim, grimy establishment , but no one of particular interest.  I sat at the bar and waved Whitechapel Charlie over. 

“What’ll it be, Mayor ‘ancock?”

“Ya know.  Whatever.”

He brought me a glass with a piss-colored substance that didn’t taste too far off from its physical description.   I knocked it back with no complaints.  “Heard anything interesting, lately, Chuck?”

“No, things have been pretty quiet around here.”

“It never lasts, though.”

He refilled my glass from a shady-looking, unmarked bottle.  “I dunno.  I think the peace may stick this time, what with the Institute gone and McDonough dead…”

I choked down the swill he had poured me and slid the empty glass across the bar to him. 

“Another one, sir?”

“Nah.  I think I’m gonna go.”

“But you just got here.”

I stood up from the stool.  “Yeah, but I just thought of something I need to take care of.  Later, Chuck.”

His comment about McDonough got me thinking.  I sprinted up the stairs in the State House all the way to the roof and hopped into the vertibird.  I rose up into the blue and set a course for Diamond City.

 

* * *

 

Once I had arrived at the Great Green Jewel of the Commonwealth, I landed the vertibird outside the gates so as not to alarm anyone inside the walls.  I hadn’t been back to the place since the standoff with my brother, but I had heard the city was getting back on its feet and had even lifted its “no ghouls” policy.  I think they were still a little leery of synths, though, thanks to McDonough.

Danny was working the gate that day, and he greeted me as I approached.  “Mayor Hancock!  I didn’t think we’d ever see you again.”

“Neither did I, to be honest.”

“You want in?”

“Sure thing, Danny.”

It was a little strange to me to be able to just walk right in to Diamond City after all these years.  I strolled down the stands to the market place and no one batted an eye.  I noticed there were other random ghouls walking the streets. _That’s goddamn progress._

I made my way through the marketplace and turned the corner to the narrow alleyway with the pink neon sign for the Valentine Detective Agency, and walked through the door.  Both Ellie and Nick were sitting at their respective desks.  The synth detective stood to greet me when I came in.  “If it isn’t Mayor Hancock!”  He extended a cordial hand.

I grabbed his hand and pulled him in for a quick one-armed hug. “Nick, you old circuit board, how’s it hanging?” 

My gesture of affection caught him a little off guard, but he didn’t mind.  “Couldn’t be better!” 

“Ellie.”  I gave his assistant a nod, which she respectfully returned.

Nick shoved his hands in the pockets of his tattered trench coat. “You should’ve come in here and blew McDonough away years ago.”

“Believe me, I would have if I had only known…”

“To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I admit, my visit ain’t all pleasure.  I was wondering if you could help me with something.”

“Some dame stole your heart and you need me to find it?” he quipped.

I held up my left hand, flashing him my wedding ring.  “You didn’t hear?  I got myself domesticated.”

“Well, I’ll be.  Piper had mentioned it, I just didn’t believe it.”  He pulled out his pack of cigarettes and offered me one.  “Congratulations, you sonuvagun.”

“Thanks, Nick.”  I took one of the cigarettes from his pack and lit it.  “I was hoping you could tell me…”

He lit a cigarette for himself.  “What’s that?”

“What did you guys end up doing with McDonough’s body?”

He led me through the bustling city streets to a remote corner hidden from the town’s view.  We stopped at an unmarked grave cloaked by the shadows of the stands above and the dank, musty smell of moist dirt below.  “There it is.  You got some respects to pay?”

I reached for a shovel leaning against the steel beams of the stands.  “I wouldn’t say that.”

Nick raised an eyebrow at me.  “It’s not good enough for you that he’s dead?  You have to rob his grave, too?”

I jammed the edge of the shovel into the dirt and stomped it in further.  “It ain't what you think.”  I scooped a section of dirt up with a grunt and tossed it aside.  “He has something I need.”

Nick still looked confounded.  “What?”

“DNA.”

Nick stood by and watched me dig for a while as I explained to him what I planned on doing.  Eventually, after hearing my explanation, he started helping me dig.

Once we had gotten down to the shallowly-buried, shoddy wooden crate containing the body, I jumped down into the grave on its lid. 

Nick stared down from the edge of the hole.  “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

“It’s too late not to be.”  I put the edge of the shovel under the lid and stepped on the handle for leverage.  The lid popped off and I was face-to-face with the deteriorating synth clone of my brother.  His severed head was carelessly thrown in on top of his body, his expression locked into a permanent, terrifying jaw-drop.  Maggots and worms were crawling over his half-eaten face and scraggily gray hair, and the stench was almost unbearable.  Even though I knew it wasn’t really him, he still looked like my brother.  I was filled with all kinds of emotions, ranging from fury to grief - all topped off with physical nausea from the basic repulsiveness of the situation - but I pushed them all down into the pit of me as quickly as I could.

Nick brought the flash of a match up to his face for another cigarette.  “What now?”

My eyes darted back and forth across the corpse for a moment.  “I dunno…”  I reached into my pocket and pulled out one of the med-x syringes.

“I don’t think this is the right time for a chem break, Hancock.”

Ignoring him, I rolled up my sleeve and injected the drug.  Once I had emptied its contents completely into my veins, I raised the syringe up over my head and stabbed it down into McDonough.  The needle sank into the rotting flesh down to the hilt, and I pulled the plunger back, sucking whatever goo into the syringe I could until it was full again.  I removed the needle and wiped the end off with his suit coat.  Replacing the coffin lid, I hopped up out of the hole and kicked some dirt down the side.  “Dammit.”

“What’s the matter?”

“Now I have to rebury him.”  I started shoveling the dirt back in.  “Even in death, this son of a bitch is being a pain in my ass.”

 

* * *

 

I finished up in Diamond City and headed back to Goodneighbor.  I had figured I had been gone long enough by then so I went back to State House.  When I entered the office, Felina had her head down on the desk, snoring.  I walked over to her and began petting her hair again.  It was getting long and shaggy, having been almost pixie-ish length when I first met her over a year ago.  Either way, I still found it adorable.

She lifted her head up slightly, and a paper was sticking to the side of her face by the drool she had accumulated during her nap.

I removed the paper and palmed her cheek, lifting her face to my field of vision.  I smiled.  “Hey, sunshine.”

Her eyes were half-lidded and sleepy.  “Hey, querido.”  She looked around in a stupor.  “What time is it?”

I glanced past her head at the pip-boy on her arm.  “Almost seven.”

“AM or PM?”

I chuckled.  “PM, love.”

She took a sharp breath and started shuffling the papers around. 

“Why don’t you call it a night?”

She stopped pushing the documents around and stared down on them blankly.  “Yeah, alright.”

“Feel like going out?”

She pursed her lips in thought.  “Third Rail?”

“Of course, love.”

 

* * *

 

The next morning, I had Felina in a standing embrace.  We were mostly naked, my hands wandering all over her.  She was kissing me back passionately, but it didn’t go unnoticed by me that she was leading us toward the exit.  I slammed her body against the office door with a _thud_ , grinding on her.  I let a palm slide down to her bottom and gave it a firm squeeze.  She squeaked and her body jerked closer into mine. Her hand was navigating behind her back at the doorknob, and I could tell she was trying to be stealthy. I let my hand slide underneath her further and pulled her hips closer still…

The doors flew open and she twirled around to the other side of me, shoving me out into the hall with both hands and slamming them shut in my face.

I pressed my palms to the closed door.  “Felina…” I whined.

Her voice called to me from the other side, “I’m sorry, John!  I’m running out of time!  You have to go!”

I slumped forward and let my hands slide down the door.  “Can I at least have my clothes?”

She opened the door for a split second to throw all my things out into the hall. 

“Thanks,” I muttered sarcastically under my breath.

As I stood in the hallway, getting dressed, Fahrenheit laughed quietly at me.  “So,” she began.  “How’s married life treating ya?”

I finished clothing myself and straightened my hat out.  “Fine.”

“Doesn’t look fine.”

I pointed a thumb behind me at the office.  “You can’t really blame her for that.  She’s gotta get that write-up finished today, and I knew I was pushing my luck.”  I reached into my coat pocket, feeling around to see if the syringes were still there.  When I confirmed their presence, I pulled out my cigarettes and lit one.  “What are you doing today?”

She held her hands out to her sides.  “This.”

“No, you’re not,” I said, taking her hand.  “You’re hanging out with me.  C’mon.”

I dragged her up to the roof and bid her to get in the vertibird.

“Where are we going?” She asked as she slid into the passenger seat

“Nowhere in particular.  Just for a ride.”

She looked at me skeptically.  “What’s going on, Hancock?”

“Nothing!  I have a lot of time on my hands today, and I thought you could keep me company.  You and I never spend any time alone anymore.”

She still looked suspicious of me.  “Alright.  Let’s go then.”

I flew around aimlessly for a little bit, while Fahrenheit manned the guns, shooting at any hostiles that wandered in her field of vision.  After a while, I came to a stop on one of the taller buildings downtown and we took turns casually picking off super mutants and raiders with a shared sniper rifle from the vertibird’s trunk.

Fahrenheit had just landed a perfect headshot on one of the gruesome green brutes below us.

“Nice one,” I commented. 

She was still scoped in, lining up another shot.  “So tell me about this treaty Felina’s writing.”

“Exactly what you would expect.  She’s proposing an alliance with the Brotherhood of Steel as long as they are willing to cease their ‘cleansing’ activities.”

She fired another dead shot that echoed across the wastes.  “And what do _you_ think about that?” She asked as she reloaded.

“I know what you’re getting at, Fahrenheit.  I understand your trepidation, but she used to be a lawyer back before the war.  If she ain't got the charisma to convince Maxson straight forward, I’m confident she can pull some fancy law trick or some loophole or something in the write-up and get him to sign a revised negotiation.”

She sat up and moved over for me to take the rifle, but I declined with a wave of my hand. 

It looked like she was done shooting, too. “For the sake of argument, let’s say she follows through on the second scenario, because you and I both know the first one ain’t gonna happen…”

I frowned at her pessimism as I fumbled through my pockets at my chems.

“… How do you ever expect to enforce the terms of the revised write-up when: A, they are not what he thought they were, and B, they are not anything he is willing to do?”

I pulled out a couple needles of med-x.  “Brute force,” I replied bluntly, passively keeping my attention directed at the chems in my hand.

“Really?”  She looked at me exasperatedly.  “Then why don’t you just blow him up now and skip all the bullshit?”

“Because.”  I rolled up my sleeve and readied myself for the injection.  “It’s important to at least _try_ to settle things civilly first.  Then, when you blow them up, it’s justified.”  I administered the drug and carelessly discarded the needle over the side of the building.  “Or so I’m told.”  I held the other syringe out to her.

She shook her head.  “No, thanks.”

“C’mon.  It’s been a long time since you and I got high together.”

“You know how I feel about needles, Hancock.”  She stared at the med-x in my hand, unmoving.  “Don’t you have some jet or something?”

Of course I knew she was scared of needles.  I had been taking care of the fire-haired girl since she was about Shaun’s age, and she had grown into a fiercely courageous woman that feared nothing – except needles.  “I’ll do it for you.  Roll up your sleeve.”  I scooted up next to her.

Still eyeballing the needle with a tinge of anxiety, she started pushing her sleeve up.  “Okay…”

“I think it will help if you don’t look,” I offered.

She closed her eyes tight and turned her head the other way.  I expertly pushed the sharp tip into the crook of her elbow and she didn’t even flinch.  I don’t think she was even aware it was in until I pushed in the plunger and she began to draw in a slow, euphoric breath.  She still hadn’t opened her eyes once I had emptied the syringe.  Very quickly, I pulled back on the plunger…

“Ow!”  She tried to jerk her arm away, but I still had it in her skin.  “Hey!”

“Sorry, pumpkin.  Hold still.”  I filled the syringe with her blood and pulled it out of her arm, shoving it in my pocket before she could see what I was doing. 

“What the fuck, Hancock!”  She whipped around to face me, rubbing her arm.  “You did that on purpose!”

“No, really, I didn’t.  I’m sorry.”  I reached out to her.  “Lemme see.”

She held her palm over the prick in her skin and pulled her arm away from me.  “No! …Just forget it.”  I noticed she was relaxing a little as the med-x worked its way through her system.  A smile slowly spread across her face.  “I forgot how much I liked this stuff,” she remarked.

“Yeah.  It was Felina’s favorite.  She ain’t doing chems anymore, though.”

Fahrenheit had a faraway look in her eyes indicative that she wasn’t even on the same plane of existence as me anymore.  “What were we talking about?”  She breathed dreamily.

I put an arm around her waist and stared out across the Commonwealth.  “Nothing, pumpkin.  Just enjoy your ride.”

 


	13. Dirtywhirl (Bang Bang)

The morning Felina was to present her finished write-up to Lynn and the rest of the Railroad for their approval, I was up before sunrise.  I was happy for Felina, but I was more excited about what I had been up to the past couple days.  I couldn’t sit still long enough to wait around for her to wake up, so I wrote her a note and took off to the Glowing Sea.

Virgil was actually smiling when I returned.  That was rare.  “I’m a little reluctant to admit, I’m glad you returned, ghoul.”

“Why is that?”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said last time you were here, and the possible conversion of my anti-mutagen into a working cure for ghoulification just came to me out of nowhere.  Were you still interested in that, because now I need to find a test subject.”

“What a coincidence!  That’s exactly why I’m here!”  I pulled the samples I had collected out of my bag.

“What is this?”

“DNA samples.  I want to be your test subject.”

“Where did you get these?”

I held up the murky goo-filled syringe and placed it in Virgil’s palm.  “Well this one is from my brother’s synth clone’s corpse…”  I held up the second one filled with Fahrenheit’s blood.   “And this one is from someone who might possibly be my daughter...”  I placed it beside the first syringe.

“Is this a joke?  For lack of a better word, this is shit.  I can’t do anything with this.”  He gave me his signature, exasperated look and thrust the samples back at me.  “When I said I figured out the conversion, I didn’t account for convoluted, mismatched Frankenstein DNA.”

“Look, my parents are long gone.  What am I supposed to do?”  I held the samples back out to him.

He took Fahrenheit’s blood sample out of my hand once more and examined it closer.  “You said this one _might_ be your daughter?”

I shrugged.  “That’s what her mom said, anyway.”

“So you must have fathered her before you were a ghoul?” 

“You got it.”

He twisted the syringe between his fingers in thought.  “I might be able to work with this if you bring me a blood sample from the mother so I could isolate your half of the human DNA.”

“That’s going to be a problem.  She’s long gone, too.  She insisted the girl was mine on her deathbed and bid me to take her under my wing years ago.”

He just stared at me irksomely.  “Hancock –“

“No, I understand what I brought you is shit, but it’s all I could do.  I’m still willing to be your test subject despite whatever risks may come with it.  I need to do this.”

“I’m a scientist, Hancock.  Not a magician.  Even if she really is your daughter, that’s still only half –”

“Please.”  I held the other syringe back out to him.  “It’s important.”

He just kept staring at me.  He finally sighed and took it from me.  “Fine.  I’ll see what I can do.  It’s not like I’m doing anything better.  ”

I exhaled in relief.  “Thank you.”

“Don’t get your hopes up, though.”  He pointed to a wooden chair.  “Sit over there.  I need to get some samples from you. Then I want you to leave.  Don’t come back for at least a week.”

“You’re the boss.”

 

* * *

 

There was still a few hours of daylight left when I made it back to Goodneighbor.  I figured I still had a while before Felina would be done with her meeting, so I just reclined in the office.  I needed some time to recover anyway.  I was still a little light-headed from all the blood Virgil had taken from me.  I laid there on the couch and tried to imagine Felina’s reaction if Virgil successful reversed my ghoulification. All I could do was wait.  My thoughts began to focus solely on Felina.  I hadn’t got to see her much in the past few days, and now that her treaty was done, she could final give me some much needed attention.

I must have been laying there about half an hour when I heard the doors open.  I poked my head over the back of the couch and saw it was Felina.  “Back already?”  I got up to meet her.  “How are you feeling, today?”

She looked a little tired.  “As well as can be expected for someone quitting cold turkey.”

I crossed the room to her and wrapped my eager arms around her.  “No complications from the rad sickness, though?”

“None what-so-ever.”

“How was the meeting?”

“Productive.  Everyone seemed happy with what we got.  As soon as I’m done cleaning this up, we’re going to present it to Maxson.”

“I’m so proud of you, love.”  I kissed her tenderly.  “I’m sorry I wasn’t here this morning.  Did you get my note?”

“Yeah, it’s okay.  I understand.  You’ve got responsibilities, too.”

I was done with the small talk.  “I missed you, today,” I confessed with a lazy smile.

“Me too, querido.”

Without another word, I removed the bag from her shoulder and started unbuttoning her dress.  When I saw how she was looking at me, I knew I finally had her full attention for the first time in a while.  I swept her off her feet and carried her to the bed.  She hit the mattress with a slight bounce that residually shook her bare breasts.  She leaned back on her palms and gave me a come hither look.

I smiled, mainly to myself in satisfaction of being the object of her affection.  “I’ve been looking forward to this all day.” 

I shimmied my arms up my sleeves and let my jacket and vest fall to the floor as I put one knee on the bed.  I started slowly crawling toward her, and in perfect sync with my energy, her legs spread further apart with every inch closer to her I got.  Limbs still in a bent spread eagle, she leaned forward and grabbed me by my shirt, pulling me toward her face.  I barely caught myself from falling on her, my palms steadying me on the cushy mattress.

Her lips captured mine and we just kissed for long moments.  I eased my tongue past her lips, and I was flooded with heat as she gently stroked back with hers.  Her fingers started working at the buttons on my shirt, and I pulled my knees further up the bed, bringing the last few into her reach.  Without missing a beat, her fingertips made the smooth transition down to the closure on my pants, and then down into them.  She drew an involuntary moan from me when her hand clasped around me.

Up until then, her eyes had been closed, in focus on the feeling.  She suddenly opened them, stunned.  “You’re so hard!”

“That’s your fault, love.”  I put my hand behind her neck and she melted into it, her head tilting back, and her eyes closing once more as I pressed my lips back against hers.  I started bringing my mouth down her neck and to her breasts.  I took one in my mouth and covered the other with my palm.  I caught the tight peak of her nipple between thumb and forefinger while swirling my tongue on the other.  Her body started subtly grinding up into me as she softly moaned.  Her reactions were making me twitch uncomfortably at the band of my pants.  I pushed myself off the mattress and removed the rest of my clothes.  Felina was scurrying to do the same before I returned to her.

I wasted no time getting between her thighs again. 

She put a hand on each of my shoulders with a squeeze and ran her palms down my arms.  I relished the look of desire in her dark eyes, peering at me from beneath messy tresses swinging in her face.  I smoothed my hands down her back, and we resumed kissing.  I pulled one hand around her waist to the front and down between her thighs with barely there touches, and I could feel her body shivering underneath me at the contact.  She started nudging her hips up into me, not-so subtly this time, so I let my fingers make their entrance.  Upon penetration, she made a gratifying sound equal to mine.

While my fingers were working her into a frenzy, I allowed my mouth to leave hers only to kiss at her ear before breathing into it, “I love you, Felina.”

“Ooh,” she whimpered, and I felt her tighten around my fingers.  “I love you, John.”

Her reply sent a tremor through my body.  I took a deep breath to help the luscious sensation linger.  When the air escaped me, I had no command over the words that came with it.  “I need you.”

Upon hearing my desperation, she was invigorated with a sudden sense of control over me.  “How bad?”

Her exercise of power over me only sent me further into a blissful torture.  I twitched against her thigh, and I could tell she felt it.  “I need you more than the air I breathe.”

She writhed under me, teasing me with her delectable flesh.  “More than the chems?”

“I need you more than the blood in my veins.”

She wrapped her legs around my back.  “Is that all?” She asked teasingly.

“I need you more than life itself.  More than anything.  I’m all yours.”

She smiled, finally satisfied.  “Then have me.”

I guided myself in with my fingers and buried myself fully inside her.  She arched, drawing a long breath and exhaling an enraptured moan.  “Oh, John!”

I had never spent so much time between another woman’s thighs as I had hers, but I never tired of it.  Every time, I felt the excitement as though it were new, but with the addition of being in perfect rhythm with each other from practice.  Her hips bucked into me exactly the way they needed to, and I could feel a measurable rise with every exquisite stroke.  Her moans grew louder and her hands frantically searched around, undecided on what to grab.  When she settled on my thighs, I was reminded of our actual first time, and a wave came over me, beckoning me to let myself go.  I fought the urge, unwilling to end my ecstasy.

My constitution was rewarded with the unmistakable pulsing of her orgasm clenching at me.  She unwrapped her legs from me, spreading them wider and allowing me deeper.  Her fingernails dug into my flesh as she screamed my name.  I couldn’t hold out after that response.  I grabbed her arms and pinned her to the bed as I rammed into her again and again while my release came.  We both rode out our shared peak until I lowered myself onto her heaving bosom as gently as I could.  Her arms moved up my back, holding me lovingly.  I returned her embrace tightly, as though it were the last time.

She was grumbling and moaning, shaking her legs against me.  “Mmnnmm… Outstanding, as always.”

“I aim to please.”

She moved to one side, allowing me to hit the mattress beside her, still in her arms.  She pulled the blanket over us, closing her eyes.

“You ain’t done, are ya?”

She smirked, her eyes still closed.  “Are you?” 

“Not by a long shot.”

Her smirk widened into a serene smile.  “I need to rest for a while, but feel free to wake me for more of the same.  I promise, I won’t complain.”

I stroked her disheveled hair, nuzzling myself deeper into the pillow.  “Alright, love.  I’ll give you a break… for now.”

 

* * *

 

Exactly one week later, I had to check in with Virgil.  Had to.  I was too worked up to wait any longer.  It also happened to be the day that Felina was meeting with Maxson, but I was up extra early in anticipation of what news Virgil had for me.  I figured I could pop in at his cave real quick to see what there was to see and be back in Goodneighbor before Felina was even awake.

I landed at my Glowing Sea destination and was practically sprinting into the cave.  “Virgil!”  The words were leaving my mouth before I had completely rounded the corner to his lab.  “So, how did you do?”

“That’s yet to be determined.  Why don’t you have a seat and we’ll talk.”

I lowered myself onto the wooden chair.  “This sounds like bad news.”

“Not entirely.”  He held up a loaded syringe.  “This is what I came up with.  The odds are in your favor that injecting this won’t kill you…”

I raised an eyebrow.  “Well, there’s that,” I remarked sarcastically.

“The odds are also slightly in your favor that I’ve recreated a reasonable stand-in for your original DNA, but I have no way of knowing for sure.  The only way to find out is to try it.  If I’m wrong, I don’t really know what will happen. So…”  He presented me with a second syringe.  “I made this, just in case.”

“What is that?”

“This is your escape plan.  If the first injection goes wrong, this second one will turn you back into a ghoul, plain and simple.  You’ll just be back at square one.”

“Alright, so lemme recap and you tell me if I got this right.  Injection number one most likely will _not_ kill me, and _might_ turn me human again.  If I’m not happy with the results, injection number two will return me to how I am now?”

“Yes.  If this doesn’t work, I don’t have any further ideas for what you’ve provided me with, so this is basically your only chance.” 

“How long will it take to take effect?”

“Another incalculable event.  Could be a couple hours. Could be much longer...”

“How long did your serum take to transform you?”

“A week, give or take.  That’s the most likely scenario for you, but I can’t guarantee anything.  We’re effectively moving into unknown territory.  Are you still on board?”

I rolled up my sleeve.  “Shoot me up, doc.”

 

* * *

 

Virgil had me stay there for a while for observational purposes.  It made me pretty antsy, since I didn’t intend to be gone that long.  He insisted after he injected me that the most dangerous period was the first several hours and convinced me it was for my own good to stay there under his supervision.  He assured me it would be smooth sailing after that time frame.  It was almost dark by the time he finally let me leave, and I knew I had completely missed the BoS meeting.  There were no discernible effects from the serum just yet, but if all went well, I was sure Felina would forgive me, once she found out why I missed the meeting.

I was just outside the high levels of radiation when a voice started speaking on the vertibird’s  radio.  “Echo-two-four has a stranger visual, 12 o'clock, angels 3, heading 090.  Come in, stranger.”

I wasn’t even aware the thing had a working radio on it before then.  I picked up the receiver and fiddled with it until I figured out how to operate it.  Hesitantly, I spoke into it.  “What?”

It was quiet on the other end for a moment.  “Who is this?”

“Who is _this_?” I asked back.

More silence followed by an aggravated, “Echo-two-four.  State your rank and business.”

Ah. Brotherhood.  “My rank is ‘mother fucker,’ and my business is fucking your mom.”  Even if Felina had brokered a treaty with Maxson, that didn’t mean I couldn’t have a little fun with them.

I saw another vertibird gaining behind me.  There was a lot of intermittent static before they finally responded, “This is that Minuteman ghoul, isn’t it?”

“Ya got me.  What can I do for you?”

“We’ve been instructed to inform you that that vertibird is ‘coming down one way or another’.  Will you be landing?”

With that, I was certain the meeting didn’t go favorably. “No way, crew cut,” I replied. I wasn’t worried.  I knew I could outmaneuver them.  I had been getting really good at piloting that thing. 

I jerked on the stick and gave it some throttle, as a missile just barely missed me.  I grabbed the radio receiver again.  “At least you tried,” I taunted them.

“Last chance.  Land or we’re taking you down.”

“Forget it.”  I tried to reach for the collective, but I couldn’t move my left arm.  “What the f –“

The vertibird was jarred very suddenly from an indirect shot at me.  I sloppily dodged a few more shots fired in my direction with whatever maneuvers I could pull off with just my right hand, but I started to lose control over that limb, too…

The explosion from the direct hit that finally sent me in a spiral toward the ground didn’t even seem real.  I was losing consciousness by then.  I was thrown from the aircraft, and I watched the clouds shrink above me in slow motion as I fell.  The world began to fade to gray, and my mind slipped down a rabbit hole.  I could tell I had hit the ground flat on my back by the still view of the desaturated twilight sky facing me, but I hadn’t felt the impact.  There was another large explosion off to the side as the flaming remains of the vertibird crashed.  I tried once more to move, but I was paralyzed.  _Am I dead?_

The sky faded as my vision went completely dark, but I could hear the beating of vertibird blades growing nearer and the heavy, clanking footsteps of BoS soldiers in power armor approaching me. 

_“Bring it back to the Prydwen.  Restrain it if you have to.”_

_“I don’t think that will be necessary… “_

_“That’s an awful lot of blood.  I think he’s dead.”_

_“Well?  Is it breathing?”_

_“…No. …No pulse either…Do you still want us to bring him?”_

_“God, no!  You better not bring that hideous thing on my ship if it’s dead!  Just… Just bring that ridiculous hat.  For attestation.”_

 

…

 

_“So we’re just supposed to leave him here?”_

_“It’s just a ghoul.  It’s not a big deal.”_

_“It just doesn’t seem right…”_

 

…

 

…

 

…

 


	14. At the Bottom of Everything

Dim light weakly flickered in my eyes, and my vision started to return.  Unable to feel my body, I could hardly move. It was night then and I didn’t see any BoS soldiers around me anymore.  I tried to stand, but that wasn’t happening.  I rolled over and started dragging myself across the ground.  A small opening under a rock was nearby.  I lugged myself under its safety, and just lay there, drained.  I felt myself starting to fade again.  I fought it, but to no avail.

My dreamless coma faded in and out for what could have been hours or days for all I knew.  The waves of consciousness started getting stronger and my mind would hold on to my urgency to return to Goodneighbor longer and longer until I was finally able to gain control again.  My eyes popped open.

I tried to draw my rigid legs to my chest, but a sharp pain shot through my body.  I ran my palms down my calf and felt the knot of the broken bones there.  If broken legs were the worst of my injuries from a vertibird crash, I’d say I was in pretty good shape.

I painfully forced myself into a sitting position and started looking around me at what I had to work with.  _First of all_ … I pulled a syringe of med-x out of my pocket and administered it directly to my leg, softening at the relief it brought.  My fingers searched my pockets for a stimpak, but I didn’t have any.  I drew a deep breath as I took the injured leg between my hands.  Closing my eyes in anticipation, I clamped down and applied the necessary pressure, setting the bone in place.

“Fuck!”  The pain pushed past the threshold of the med-x.

I took another hit of the pain killer to calm my throbbing leg.  I picked up a couple pieces of broken steel from the ground, most likely shrapnel from the vertibird, and fashioned a make-shift splint for my leg from them, secured in place by the flag I wore around my waist.  Satisfied with the work I had done, I attempted to push myself out from under the rock, but couldn’t.  The pain was a bad enough barrier to overcome, but my body was weak and shaky, too. 

I pulled all the chems out of my pocket and took inventory.  Only one hit of med-x left.  I was a long way from home.  I decided to stay put for a while, at least until the shakes had subsided.  I laid down again, and the throbbing pain in my leg pulsed through me, urging my exhausted body to fall asleep once more.

I was awoken by a powerful thirst.  And hunger.  My eyes fluttered open.

It was day now.  I was sore and stiff.  And hot.  I forced a hand to my face, pawing uncoordinatedly at the extra heat I was feeling there.  My fingers got caught on a short beard.  Still incredibly disoriented, I slid my hand to my scalp and felt hair there, too.  I let my hands fall in front of my face and observed the smooth skin covering them.

I instinctively tried to utter some obscenity of surprise, but my mouth was dry, and my jaw was stiff.  I rubbed at it with my clumsy, shaky hands.

I suddenly remembered my leg and my attention was drawn to it.  I wiggled the leg with the splint on it.  It felt stiff, but not at all pained.  I emerged from the jutting rock I had been hiding under and stood with very little effort.  _Fuck yeah._

I removed the splint and tied the flag back around my waist.  I looked toward the sun, trying to gather my bearings.  I selected the direction I had determined to be northeast and started heading that way.

 

* * *

 

The excitement was growing in me as I neared Goodneighbor.  I made my entrance and relished all the shocked stares I was getting from the people in the streets.

Some of these people were assuredly just appalled by someone wearing my clothes other than me, but some of these people… some of these people had been here long enough to remember John McDonough’s face.

“It’s a ghost!” One drifter exclaimed before taking off down an alley.  Others whispered among themselves, but everyone’s eyes were on me.  None were brave enough to approach me.

I made my way up the Old State House spiral steps.  The triggerman standing at the top wasn’t familiar with my original looks and tried to stop me from entering the office.

“Relax, brother.  Trust me, she wants to see me.”

He skeptically poked his head in the door.  “There’s someone here to see you,” he called inside.  He pushed the doors open further so that I was visible from the desk.  My heart sank – just a little – to see Fahrenheit sitting there instead of Felina, wearing a coat just like Maxson’s.  Still, I was happy to see her.

She looked me up and down, no doubt observing my clothes, and her face flushed with anger.  She stood up, coming towards me.  “Who the _fuck_ are you?”

I wasn’t surprised by her reaction.  I was already a ghoul when I first met her.  I crossed the threshold and closed the doors behind me.  “It’s me, pumpkin…”

“Pumpkin?”  She froze.  “…H- Hancock?”

I held my arms out to my sides.  “Who else?”

“H- how?”

“It’s a long story.”

Her head slightly cocked and she looked deep into my eyes.  After a few moments, her face suddenly lit up.  “It really _is_ you!”  Her eyes wide like the child that was my shadow all those years ago, she flung herself into me for a rare hug.  “I knew you’d be back… I fucking knew it.”  She pulled away from me and stared with intense curiosity.  “What happened?  What happened to you?”

I smiled. “The short version?”

“Any.”

“I had Virgil create an anti-mutagen serum for me, too.”

“But… the Brotherhood shot you down.”

“True, but I survived.  Those bastards will never get the best of me.”

She punched me in the shoulder.  Admittedly, it stung a little.  “Oh, fuck you, Hancock!”  She smirked.  “I can get used to your new look alright, but you gotta do something about that beard.  You look like a goddamn grandpa.”

My brow furrowed.  “What?”  I walked to the nightstand and picked up the pocket mirror Felina and I used for snorting crushed mentats.  “Oh, goddamn…” 

In my hurry to return, I hadn’t wasted anytime looking for a way to check myself out.  The reflection staring back at me was exactly who I expected it to be – that sly-faced human I hadn’t quite forgiven yet – but I hadn’t taken into account how much time had passed since I last saw him.  My hair was graying and my scruffy beard was peppered.  “Well that sucks.”

Fahrenheit pulled a combat knife from her waist and smiled playfully.  “Want me to take care of that for ya?”

I held up a hand, “Nooo, no.”  I set the mirror back down.  “I know you and I have a lot of catching up to do, but I have to know, where’s Felina?”

Her smile faded.  “There’s no telling.”

A flash of anxiety swept over me.  “She’s not in Sanctuary?”

Fahrenheit shook her head solemnly.  “She didn’t take your death well.  After a little while she just sorta disappeared.  No one has seen her.”

I sank onto the mattress and my brain raced.  I wasn’t still long.  It hit me and I instantly knew where to find her.  I stood up again.  “I’ve gotta go.”

She glared at me.  “You just got here!”

“I have to find Felina, and I think I know where she is.”

Fahrenheit’s eyes glazed over in chagrin.  “Fine.  I know I can’t stop you.”

“I’ll be back.  I promise.”

She gave me a smartass grin.  “Yeah, I know.  Go on, get out of here.”


	15. I’m a Curse and I’m a Sound

ACT III

* * *

 

It was almost sundown when I finally caught up with Fahrenheit waiting for me at the Castle.  The Prydwen was still hovering above the airport and the Minutemen soldiers at the fort were manning the canons, awaiting an order to fire at it.

I sat down on the edge of one of the Castle’s walls where Fahrenheit was perched, gazing across the harbor.  “I was wondering if you were ever going to come,” she said to me without breaking her stare.  She handed me a half-gone fifth of vodka.

I took the fifth from her and sucked at it relentlessly, handing it back to her empty.  She took the bottle from me and flung it out into the ocean below us where it shattered on the rocks.  “So?  Are you gonna tell your men to open fire now?”

“We won’t have to.” 

She lit a cigarette but didn’t respond.  We sat there in silence under the dwindling light of a purple sky.  Eventually, the Prywen started to move.  We watched as it came our way.  Fahrenheit looked at me with angry urgency.

“It’s fine,” I assured her.  “They aren’t going to try anything.”

The airship sailed over our heads and kept going, disappearing into the southwest horizon alongside the sun.

Fahrenheit pulled her dangling legs back over the stone and stood up.  “I’m going back to Goodneighbor to talk to the town.  Are you coming, too, or will you be going back to Sanctuary?”

She offered me a hand and I pulled myself up, standing there in thought for a moment.  “I’m coming with you.  I’m not in any hurry to break the news to Shaun.”

She briefly closed her eyes, and she had a look of empathy that said it all.  “I don’t envy him.  I’ve been there.”

We flew our vertibirds close to one another back to Hancock’s beloved town, landing them side by side on the State House roof.  Fahrenheit went straight for the balcony over Scollay Square to call the town meeting.  Deciding I couldn’t handle sitting in on it, I waited patiently on the couch, trying to hold myself together.

When she returned, we went downstairs to the Third Rail, where it was practically standing room only and Whitechapel Charlie was buried up to his metal neck in drink orders from the grieving town. 

Fahrenheit walked behind the bar and took two fifths off the shelf.  When she came back around, she handed one to me and started toward the exit.  “Fuck this,” she said, but I only knew from reading her lips, since it was too loud to hear over the crowd.  I followed her out of the bar. 

Out in the streets, a couple mourners were sitting on the curb sobbing and passing a bottle of wine between them.  I gave Fahrenheit a pleading look and she kept walking past them towards an alleyway. 

No sooner had the Third Rail’s doors slammed shut behind us when they reopened and MacCready emerged.  “Wait up!”  He hopped over the drunks in the street to catch up with us.

Fahrenheit shot him a frown and continued on her way.  “Come on.”

We sat down in the privacy of the alleyway and drained the bottles of liquor we had while they traded Hancock stories across me.

MacCready’s face was red from the alcohol and he was smiling harder than I had ever seen him.  “Remember that time those raiders were stealing his chems, so he set a trap for them and baited it with all that jet?”

Fahrenheit chuckled as she recalled the ending.  “Yeah, but that cat got stuck in it, so he opened it to release the cat, and it closed behind him...”

“And when we found him, he had done all the jet, was completely naked, and licking the cat to try and calm it down!”

They had a hearty laugh between them, but I was still too upset to find it funny.  I stood up.  “I gotta… baffroom.”

They both got solemn again and MacCready lightly brushed me with his hand.  “You okay?”

“Yeah.  Fine.  Be right back.”

I stumbled to the Third Rail and used their bathroom.  Once I was finished, I made my way downstairs, barely standing.   Things hadn’t really settled down in there yet, so I helped myself to another bottle of liquor from behind the counter.  I guzzled it and slammed the bottle to the floor.  Swaying unsteadily, I tried to reach for another, but Whitechapel Charlie put a mechanical arm in front of me.  “You should go have a seat, mum.”

“No I jes needanuv… anuth…”  I leaned forward as all the liquor I had just chugged spilled out of me.  The last thing I remember was hitting the floor in a puddle of my own vomit.

…

I woke up alone in the office bed – clean, redressed in my black suit, and painfully hungover.  I immediately reached for the bourbon on the nightstand and started drinking again.  I was still in bed and already intoxicated when Fahrenheit came in and found me.

“You,” she said, snatching the bottle away from me.  “You need to get home to your son.”

“¡Hey, devuélveme mis copas!”  I slurred.  “This is rough for me, sabes?”

“It’s rough for all of us, and I realize you’re not going to get over it in a day, but you can’t let yourself spiral down like that or else you’re in danger of not bouncing back." 

Tears started welling up in my eyes.  “Shaun hates me!”  I blurted out.  “He’s only going to hate me more when I tell him…”

“That’s no excuse.  He needs his mom right now and you need him.  That’s what family is for.”

“You don’t understand!  That’s two husbands and a son I have lost in just over a year!  My entire world…”

“No, _you_ don’t understand!  This _is_ the world!  This is how the rest of us live our lives every day in the Commonwealth.  I count myself lucky to have had Hancock around as long as I did, but it’s over now and we all have to pick ourselves up and move along.”  She sat down at the desk and started straightening it up.  “At least you have family to go home to.  I never knew who my father was and my mom died when I was 12.  Hancock was the closest thing I had to family and now he’s gone.  Of course Shaun is going to be upset, but he still has a mom, as long as you go home and be one.”

“I’m sorry, Fahrenheit.”  I was suddenly ashamed of myself for not considering her feelings more.  I stood up and started gathering my things.  I picked up Maxson’s battlecoat draped across a chair and handed it to her.

She looked up at me vexed.  “You don’t want it?”

“Nah, I just wanted to take it from him.  You can have it.  If you want it.”

She raised her eyebrows, but she ended up reaching for it.  She put it on right then.

I started toward the door.  “Are _you_ okay?”

“No.  But I will be.”  She knocked back the rest of the liquor she had taken from me.  “Eventually.”

 

* * *

  

I haphazardly flew the vertibird back to Sanctuary in a drunken stupor.  Below me, Shaun and Dogmeat were waiting alongside Preston and a few other settlers as I landed. 

Preston was grinning from ear to ear.  “We all saw the Prydwen leaving.  I don’t know how you did it, General, but that’s amazing!”

I took Shaun’s hand and walked past everyone.

Preston took a good look at me as I walked by and his face changed to concern.  “Felina…  Where’s Hancock?”

I kept walking and dismissed him with a wave.

As we walked down the road, Shaun looked up at me with wide eyes.  “Mom?  Why didn’t you answer Preston?”

We had almost made it to the house by then.  “Come on inside, hijo.”

He jerked his hand out of mine.  “No!  Where’s dad?”

“Please, Shaun.  Come inside and talk to me.”

A passionate combination of fear and anger took hold of him as he read my expression.  “Where is he?!”

I put my hands on his shoulders and took a knee.  I glanced behind me briefly at the nosy settlers staring at us before speaking to him.  “Please.  Don’t make me do this out here…”

Tears started welling up in his eyes.  “Where’s dad?”  He whimpered through sniffles.

I put my arms around him.  “He’s gone, hijo.”  I could feel myself getting teary-eyed.

“Gone where?!”

I started sobbing.  “He’s dead, Shaun.”

He yanked himself out of my clutch.  “You filthy fucking junkie!  This is all your fault!  I don’t know how but it’s _your fault_!”  He ran off behind the house with Dogmeat at his heels. 

I looked over my shoulder and noticed the number of settlers watching had grown.  I stood up, still a little dizzy and swaying from my breakfast booze.  I faced them, my arms out to my sides, and yelled in their general direction.  “Yeah, Hancock is dead and my son hates me!  Have fun gossiping, you fucking busybodies!”  I stumbled my way to my front door.  “Don’t you all have something better to do?!”  I slammed the door behind me.

I went to the cabinet and took out a bottle of tequila.  I sat down with it in the chair facing the window and kept an eye on the outside for any sign of Shaun returning.  I eventually caught sight of him on the workshop roof, which probably would have escaped my attention if Dogmeat wasn’t nervously pacing the ground below him.  Feeling a little better knowing where he was, I started to give in to the sleepy feeling of passing out that the tequila was pushing on me. 

It was dark when I drifted out of my sleep at the sound of the front door slamming.  My eyes opened slightly, and I saw Shaun moving past me swiftly.

Shaun’s footsteps faded down the hallway and he slammed his bedroom door behind him.

I forced myself out of the chair and dragged myself down the hallway to knock on his door.  “Can we talk, hijo?”

“Stop!  Calling!  Me!  That!  I’m not your son!”

“Pleez Shaun.  I know yer hurt buh someye.”

“You’re a worthless drunk and a junkie!  I don’t want to talk to you!”

“Shaun…”  I slid down the door to the floor.  “Please!”

“I wish you had left me at the Institute!”

Sobbing, I crawled to my bed across the hall and cried myself to sleep.

 

* * *

 

I woke up the next day and it was well past noon.  Grumbling over my aching body, I made my way back to Shaun’s room, but he wasn’t there.  I shuffled to the kitchen and opened a new bottle of tequila.  After a couple swigs, I put the bottle back in the cabinet and walked outside.  The rays of sunlight overhead stabbed at my skull, and I had my eyes practically shut as I shambled across the street to the workshop.

Once Sturges saw it was me, he completely halted what he was doing.  “Felina…”

“Have you seen Shaun?”

“No, I haven’t.”

I kept walking before he could engage me further.  I walked all over town but didn’t see him anywhere.  Reluctantly, I knocked on Marcy’s door. 

She answered it with the same sour expression she always wore.

“Is Shaun over here?”

“No,” she replied bluntly.

I stood there to see if she was going to say anything else, but after a few moments, I just walked off.

I went to the edge of our backyard and gazed out into the woods.  It would be damn near impossible to find him out there, so I decided to go check his room once more to see if he took his bb gun before I started blindly wandering the wasteland.

Back in his room, I confirmed that his gun was gone…

“No…”

And his tools, his teddy bear, and the tricorn General hat…

“No… Shaun, no!”

I ran out back to the fence once more and started calling out into the wilderness.  “Shaun!  Shaun, where are you?!”

 

* * *

 

I spread the word around town and had everyone scattered in the wastes just outside Sanctuary looking for him.

Preston was sticking by my side.  “Don’t worry, General.  We’ll find him.  He couldn’t have gone far.”

“I picked the wrong time in my life to stop doing chems.”

“All joking aside, I think you actually picked the exact right time.” 

We searched all day with no sign of him.  We stayed out long past dark.  “C’mon, General.  Let’s head back.  Maybe he came home while we were out.”

Preston followed me into my dark house.  “Shaun?”  I turned on the lamps and walked back to his room.  “He’s not here,” I called to Preston who was standing by the bar.  I came down the hall back toward him.

“Felina…”

“Just don’t.”  I put my arms around him and buried my face in his chest, sobbing.  “What am I going to do, Preston?”

He hesitantly returned my embrace.  “You’re strong, Felina.  I have faith in you...”

I started crying harder and he awkwardly patted my back.  Once I was able to dry it up for a moment, I pulled away from him.  “You should go.  I need to be alone for a while.”

He smiled at me.  “If you need me, you know where to find me.  Me, Sturges, everyone in Sanctuary, we’re all here for you.”

“I know.  Thank you.”  I walked him to the door, still sniffling and wiping at my face with the back of my hand.  “Goodnight, Preston.”

I was finally sober for the first time since I got the news, and I didn’t want to blow it by getting drunk again.  I laid down in bed, but without a drop to drink or any chems, there was no way I was getting any sleep.  I laid there for hours, just staring at the ceiling, alone with my thoughts.  The sun still wasn’t even up when I started packing my bag and headed out into the wastes.


	16. Your Ambulance, My Crutch and Cast

I wandered for well over a week with no idea where to find Shaun.  I walked all the way to the Castle and radioed in to Preston.  “Any sign of Shaun?”

“No, General.  Not yet.  We haven’t given up, though.”

“That makes one of us.”

“Don’t talk like that, General.  The Minutemen are all over the Commonwealth – ”

“And yet we still haven’t found him.”

It was quiet on the other end for a moment.  “He’ll turn up.”

“Yeah, alright.  Adios, Preston.”

I hung up the receiver and started walking towards the Castle’s gate.  _He’s not coming back._  

Just before I could make my exit, Ronnie caught up with me.  “General, I have news to report.”

“Is it about Shaun?”

“No, General.”

I sighed.  “Go on.”

“Our men have completed their search of the airport, and even though they didn’t find any sign of Shaun, you’ll be happy to know they found no sign of the Brotherhood of Steel –“

“That’s not news, Ronnie.”

“I wasn’t finished.  The BoS has seemed to have left behind Liberty Prime.”

“Liberty Prime?  What is that?”

“It’s a 40 foot tall heavily-armed military robot.  The BoS used it to fight the Enclave in the Capital Wasteland about a decade ago.  Our men say it is in disrepair and nonfunctional.  What would you like them to do with it?”

“40 feet tall?  Jesus Cristo…”

“They could bring it back here and we could attempt to restore it.”

I opened the gate and started walking through.  “Just leave it.  I don’t foresee anyone else trying to move a 40 foot tall robot.  If we need it, it’ll be there.”

I left the Castle, feeling defeated.  I started heading north, all the way to the lighthouse on the shore…

I traveled throughout the night and the sun was just coming up when I got to my destination. 

I approached the home with caution.  My gun drawn, I ducked down in the tall grass and started creeping toward the porch.  I pushed on the front door, and it inched open with a nerve-wracking creak.  I moved in, looking all around me.  The first floor was clear, so I slinked up the stairs.  The second floor was clear, too. I came back down and explored the tower and dock with the same discretion, but the place was completely devoid of life.  I was sure someone would have taken the place over by then, but that just wasn’t the case.

I went back in the house and cracked the safe open like before.  It was just the way Hancock and I left it – just stacks of pre-war notes and a handful of cigars.  I took one of the cigars and a bottle of brandy off the shelf and went back outside.

I sat down on the dock and stared across the ocean dispassionately.  It was a cool, misty morning, and the waves licked at the wooden legs of the dock softly.  Everything was a muted blue color, from the water to the wispy clouds in the sky, and the wind was gentle and steady.  I took in a deep breath of the salty air and drew my gaze downward at the tiny splashes below the dock trying desperately to reach my pendulous feet.  I opened the bottle of brandy and lit the cigar.  _Shaun’s not the only one who can run away._

 

* * *

 

 

I eventually lost track of how long I had been at my private lighthouse.  I woke up one morning and selected the lacy yellow dress from the bureau.  I put on Hancock’s hat and grabbed my guitar before heading down to the shore.  The ocean wind whipped the flared fabric of the skirt and my dark, overgrown hair around me as I walked barefoot down the weathered wooden steps to the beach.  I sat in the sand and smoked my first cigarette of the day while the sun blushed over the ocean.  I had started every day like that since I had arrived and it was getting better every time.

I idly tuned my guitar while I waited for my cigarette to burn to the end.  Flicking the butt into the lapping waves, I began playing:

 

_“They call me a drifter, they say I'm no good_

_I'll never amount to a thing_

_Well I may be a drifter and I may be no good_

_There's joy in this song that I sing._

_Saddle tramp, saddle tramp_

_I'm as free as the breeze and I ride where I please_

_Saddle tramp, saddle tramp._

 

_At night I will rest 'neath a blanket of blue_

_Doubt if I ever will change_

_I might even dream of a man that I knew_

_Might even whisper his name…”_

My fingers grinded to a halt as Hancock’s name slipped quietly from my lips.  My eyes started to sting with tears.  Before the flood of weeping could take hold of me, I heard footsteps behind me.  Remembering I was unarmed, I snapped to full attention.  I flung my head around to look behind me. 

A man was coming down the beach toward me.  “Why did you stop playing?”

I jumped up, holding my guitar by the neck. 

He had slicked-back grayish hair and a short beard, but I instantly recognized the red frock coat, the frilly shirt, the folded down boots, the flag around the waist...  “Stop.  Right. There!”

He froze in his tracks, his hands up, level with his chest.

“Where did you get those clothes?!”

He smirked.  “Where did you get that hat?”

“I’m asking the questions!”

He started moving toward me again.  “Felina…”

I dropped my guitar in astonishment.  “Just who the fuck _are you_?”

He smiled, still making his way towards me.  “Who do you think?”

I took a couple steps back and the irradiated waves started nipping at my ankles.  “A dead man if you come any closer!”

He spoke gently and melodic.  “But you don’t have a weapon, love.”

His tone had the slightest hint of that familiar gravel to it.  I looked behind me at the churning sea and then back at him.  “This isn’t funny.”

“Felina, I know what you’re thinking, and I know what this looks like, but I don’t know how else to prove who I am.”

I started wading backwards into the water.  “Just stay back…”

“That song you were playing, was that Marty Robbins?”

I looked at him crazy.  “Anyone could know that.”

“But would anyone know to find you here?”

I froze in my tracks, my feet sinking deeper into the sand as the water washed more of the dunes across them. 

When the waves receded he reached out and picked me up into his arms, carrying me away from the water’s edge.  I gasped, but I didn’t fight it.

“Right up there,” he motioned with his head up the hill toward the house, “I made a vow to you to take care of you forever.”

I was absolutely stunned.  “That’s impossible…”

“And you promised to make me happy as long as you live.”

I was pretty sure I had completely lost it by then.  All that solitude, I must have finally snapped.  “But you’re dead…and you’re…”

He shook his head.  “I already told you.  Nothing could keep me from you, love.  Not even death.”

“…John?”

He kissed me and it felt just right, just like his kiss.  If I was insane, I didn’t care anymore.  The only thing at this point that had me stumped was if I was having some sort of mental breakdown, why would I hallucinate Hancock as a human? 

When he finally broke away from my lips, I deeply studied his features, brushing my fingers across his face.  In stark contrast to his once dark eyes, they were now a striking pale blue, looking straight through me with perfect clarity.  “How can this be real?”

“I know it’s pretty hard to believe, but it is.  I had Virgil concoct an anti-mutagen for me.”

My heart raced and I tried to wrap my brain around what was happening.  “I’ll address everything that’s fucked up about that in a minute.  First I want to know, if the Brotherhood didn’t kill you, who did they kill and why did they have your hat?”

He took the tricorn hat off my head and put it on his.  “They did kill me, love.  But it was right after I took the serum, so I woke up like this.”

“Why, though?  Why did you do this?”

“To even out our timelines.  Now I won’t have to spend the better part of my life without you and I won’t have to worry about you killing yourself trying to become ghoulified.  I thought it was obvious…”

I grabbed the hat back off his head and started hitting him with it.  “That was so _stupid_!”

“Ow, hey!”  He stumbled backwards, dropping us both in the dry sand, tangled in each other.  “What’s the matter with you?”

“You should have told me!”

“You didn’t tell me when you stopped taking your rad-x.”

“You died, John!  I grieved for you!”

He positioned himself over me, putting his leg between both of mine, and ran his fingers through my hair.  “But I’m here now.” 

“But you don’t look like you…”  I protested quietly.

He touched his soft lips to mine and I couldn’t help but kiss back.  It didn’t matter what he looked like, I couldn’t resist him.  My hunger for his familiar touch took me over, and at that moment, I lost any control or concern for the situation and became lost in him, grabbing, pulling, palming anywhere on him.  I had missed him so much - I never had wanted him so badly.  To feel him now, after I thought I never would again.

He slowly drew his mouth away from mine.  His hands cradling my head, he was looking down on me with an adoring smile. 

“John…”

“Yes, Felina?”

“Make love to me.”

“I thought you’d never ask.”  He pushed his knee higher up between my thighs as he leaned into the shifting sands to remove his top layers.  The rough fabric of his pants on my bare skin under my dress was getting me more worked up with every tiny graze consequently resulting from his movements.  He spread his coat out next to us in the sand, and motioned for me to lay on it, but I had become feverish and had other ideas.

I pushed him over onto the coat and jumped onto him.  His lips were frozen under mine initially in surprise at my aggression, but he began to kiss back after a moment.  My blind, wandering hands were instinctively startled by the strange flesh under them, but their objection was quelled by my desire.

After too long - like coming up to the surface after a dive - I pulled up in a gasp, barely remembering to breathe through all this.  My hands raced down to his fly, nimbly unfastening it.  “I want you inside of me…”

He fluttered his icy blue eyes in shock.  “Have at it, love.”

I joined his hands in sliding his pants down his legs and hastily pulled my dress off over my head.  He sighed with satisfaction as my breasts bounced into his view when I pulled the dress away.  He gripped at my sides, stroking my figure.  I slipped down his grasp to his cock, wetting his length with my mouth, his hands lingering in my hair.  I took it all in, and he moaned like crazy, throwing his head back and pulling gently at my tresses.  With him already at full attention, and me already more than ready, I didn’t spend much time there.  I straightened my posture and dug my knees down firmly into the sand.  With that, I brought myself on top of him, feeling the separation as he entered me, my hidden muscles clenching around him.

He gasped sharply.  “Oh, god, Felina!”

I rolled my hips and rode him wildly, making him reach every spot where I needed him, our carnal moans fading in and out between the swelling ocean waves beside us. I felt like I had transcended to another dimension.

My grinding became more urgent and I felt the rise up in me.  My fingers had a mind of their own, working their way from his smooth chest, up my bare stomach to my vigorously bouncing breasts… up my overly sensitive neck, into my hair…  Hancock’s hands helplessly tried to follow as he panted and moaned beneath me.

“John!  I’m gonna –“

“Don’t say it,” he said in a distracted, labored gravel.  “Or I’ll –“

“Oh, _John_!”  I tossed back my neck and cried out at the sensation.

“Felina!”  His body tensed up under me.

I felt myself coming and it just took one more solid, hard thrust and I folded over, pushing into him with all of my might, my body a wild, torrid mess, pulsing in sync with the savage waves crashing beyond us through the longest orgasm I had ever experienced.  I could feel his flood inside of me as my walls convulsed in the aftershocks.  My hips residually tried to keep grinding against him as his body shook under me.  I forced myself off of him into the sand by his side, sinking into the grains.

He immediately took me in his arms, holding me close and tight.  We didn’t speak for a long while, the ocean waves filling the silence.

He finally gathered himself enough to speak.  “Are you mad at me?”

“No… Or if I was, I’m not anymore.”  I started running my hands across the unblemished contours of his new body.  “This is…”

“What?”

“I still don’t know what to think about all this,” I said as my traveling hands made it up to his hair.  “I’ll have to get used to it.”

“I thought you would like it.  I didn’t really plan on the gray, though…”

“I love _you_.  The presentation doesn’t really matter to me.  I’m just glad to have you back.”

He smiled.  “I’m glad to be back, love.” 


	17. Just Like Everybody

When we finally made our way up to the house carrying my guitar and our sand-peppered clothes, Hancock went straight for the bathroom and left the door open, leaning over the sink to get closer to his reflection in the cabinet mirror and rubbing at his messy beard.  I started digging through my bag until I found the rad-x.

Watching me behind him from the mirror, he forgot about the hoary hair on his chin for a moment.  “You ain’t gotta take those anymore, ya know.”

I swallowed a couple anyway.  “Yeah, I do.  The ocean is still irradiated.”

He pursed his lips.  “Good point.”  He opened the medicine cabinet and found a razor.  He closed the door and turned the faucet on, holding the blade under the running water.  I took our clothes to the balcony and shook the grains of sand out into the wind, and then laid the garments out across the chairs in the sun.

When I returned to the bedroom and sat on the bed, he turned around to reveal his clean-shaven face.  I tilted my head to one side in consideration.  “That’s much better.”

He was running the backs of his fingers across his cheek.  “I thought so, too.”  He sat down beside me, putting his arms around me, slowly dragging me down to the mattress.  I put an elbow out behind me and started pushing myself back up.

“What’s the matter, love?”

“You know I’m extremely happy to see you, querido, but I’m not the only one who was devastated by your ‘death’.”

“Yeah, but you’re the most important.  Everyone else can wait.”

“But Shaun –“

“I’m not ready to go back to Sanctuary just yet.”  He tried once more to get me horizontal.

I stayed rigid.  “That’s just it.  He’s not _in_ Sanctuary.”

He paused.  “Then where is he?”

“He ran away.”

He sat up, completely abandoning any sexual endeavors.  “What do you mean he ran away?”

“I mean he ran away.  After I told him what happened to you, he packed his stuff and left in the middle of the night.  I have all the Minutemen looking for him, but the last I checked in at the Castle, he was still missing.”

He was unresponsive at first, but after a moment, he darted to the balcony and started getting dressed.

“What are you going to do?”  I asked him.

“I’ll figure it out on the way.  Get dressed.  We gotta go.”  As he tied the flag around his waist, he was distractedly mumbling to himself.

I started digging through my bag for my housedress.  “Go where?”

“Not sure yet.”  He sighed.  “Those fucking bastards…”

I pulled the blue dress over my head.  “Who?”

“The Brotherhood of Steel.  I know it wasn’t really our vertibird, but we could use it now more than ever.  But _of course_ they had to destroy it…”

“We still have a vertibird.”

He looked at me cross, hopping on one leg while he put on his boot.

“I left it in Sanctuary.”

He stood up and raised an eyebrow.  “Okay, love.”  He straightened his tricorn hat.  “Let’s get going and on the way, you can tell me about your meeting with Maxson, because it sounds like I may have drawn some wrong conclusions.”

Fully dressed, I shouldered my bag.  “Probably not, but it’s still a really good story.  C’mon.”

 

* * *

 

We started out immediately.  Hancock insisted we should recruit Nick’s help finding Shaun, so we headed toward Diamond City.  Once there, we went straight to the detective’s office.

Nick stared at Hancock in awe as we came through his door.  “As I live and breathe… John McDonough!”

He winced.  “It’s still Hancock.”

“Lemme look at you, you knucklehead!  I can’t believe your little scheme worked!”

I glared at Hancock.  “Nick knew, but you didn’t tell _me_?”

“I only told him because I needed his help.  Can we talk about this later, love?”

I immediately dropped it and focused on the task at hand.  “Shaun’s missing.  Can you help us find him?”

Nick raised an eyebrow.  “Am I having déjà vu?”                                                                    

He asked us questions about every little detail, trying to figure out where to start.  I told him everything I could think of from the fight he had with the other children when they told him he was a synth to the fight he and I had when the BoS shot down the vertibird with Hancock in it.

Nick was scribbling down notes the whole time.  “What was the last thing he said to you?”

“Oh, you know,“  I began sarcastically.  “It’s your fault dad is dead, you’re a fucking junkie, I wish you had left me at the Institute…”

Hancock turned to me, taken aback.  “Damn, Felina…”

Nick was putting the things on his desk away.  “I’ve got all I need for now.”

Hancock motioned to the door.  “We’re going to head back to Sanctuary to get the vertibird and then we’re going to continue searching ourselves.”

“That sounds like a plan.  I’ll keep Ellie up-to-date on any findings so if I’m not here, you can check in with her.”

I gave the ratty synth a hug.  “Thank you, Nick.”

“Don’t thank me yet.  Wait til I have something for ya.”

We left Diamond City and started back on the road towards Sanctuary.  It was getting dark early and the hairs on my arms stood up as a green crackle of dust rolled in behind us.  I reached in my bag and pulled out the rad-x.  After taking a couple, I handed the bottle to Hancock.

“What do I want with this?”  Just then, a flash of green lightning hit behind us, sending a surge of radiation our direction.  “Ah, fuck!”  He flinched and grabbed at his stomach.  “I forgot what that was like…”  He unscrewed the cap on the bottle and swallowed a couple of the pills before tossing the bottle back to me.

As I returned the bottle to my bag, I took inventory of the radaway I had on hand.  Only one dose.  “Come on, querido, we better go take shelter until the radstorm passes.” 

We took cover in the basement of a rundown house in an abandoned neighborhood nearby.  Hancock had a seat on a threadbare couch, groaning from the little bit of rads he had sucked up.  I lit a lantern and readied the bag of radaway at his side.  “Give me your arm.”

He rolled up his sleeve and held his forearm out to me. “Is that really necessary?”

“Since when are you hesitant to put a foreign substance in your veins?”

“Sorry.  I guess I’m just still associating that stuff with bad feelings.  The concept of radaway is extremely unappealing when you’re a ghoul.”

I pierced his skin with the needle.  “Well, get used to it.  Radaway is your friend now.”  Once he was set up, I reclined next to him and lit a cigarette.

He made his hand into a fist a couple times, staring at the needle.  “Ain’t you gonna use some radaway, too?”

I was flipping through the screens on my pip-boy.  “Nah, I’m fine.  I hardly caught any rads at all before I took the pills.  You needed it more.”

He looked troubled by my response but he didn’t say anything else about it.  I held the pip-boy’s Geiger counter up at him and watched the numbers go down to zero.  I removed the needle for him and put everything up, returning to his side on the couch.

The storm was building above us, rattling the basement’s thick hatch.  I curled my legs up onto the cushions and nuzzled myself into Hancock’s chest.  I began stroking his graying hair.  After a moment, my mouth spoke without my brain’s permission.  “How old are you, mi amor?”

He lightly scowled.  “Does it matter?”

“No, it’s just…”  I sighed _.  Too late to take it back.  Might as well commit._   “I wish you hadn’t done this.  I’m afraid you may not have ‘evened out our timelines,’ so much as shortened my time with you.”

Hurt was reflected in his eyes.  “If that’s your concern then why did you even bother with the radaway?  Would you rather I turn back?”

“No, I wouldn’t ask that of you, John.  Not if this is what you want.”

His expression softened.  “You’re the only thing I want.”  He placed a sensuous kiss on my lips.  As I melted into his embrace, he began slowly opening my dress.

The radiation outside began to surge into an attention-seeking rage.  Its gritty brazenness naturally pushed my body closer to Hancock with unseen forces.  I quickly forgot about the point I was trying to make as his fingertips brushed my collar away from my shoulder and down my arm.

My senses heightened and matched the crashing madness of the elements, as I tangled into Hancock’s now silky flesh.  We weathered the storm from the safety of the basement with passions intense enough to rival the tumultuous whirling outside...

When it was over and we were laying there in each other’s arms, we could hear the storm dying down above. 

My thoughts started to get back on track.  “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings earlier.  What I was saying before… You’re right.  It doesn’t matter.  I’m so grateful to have you back.  You were just gone so long…”

“I was out like a light for most of that time.  How long was I gone?”

I thought about it for a moment.  “Weeks?  A couple months?  I really don’t know.  Once I settled in to the lighthouse, the days just sort of ran together.”

He gave me a look of heartfelt remorse.  “I’m so sorry, Felina.  I never meant to be gone that long.  I didn’t even expect Virgil to have the anti-mutagen done when I showed up.  I was just checking in on him and planned on being back before you woke up that morning.”  He pulled himself around me tighter.  “I hate that I hurt you like that.  Please forgive me, love.”

“Of course.”  I kissed him on the tip of his nose.  “And this isn’t so bad, just …unexpected.  You’re actually quite attractive as a human.”

He smirked.  “What? I wasn’t before?”

I giggled and positioned myself over him.  “I didn’t say that!  I found you irresistible before and I find you irresistible now, but in a different way.”

He cocked an eyebrow at me.  “Careful!  The way you said that almost makes it sound like you thought I was more attractive as a ghoul.”

“Well, that’s the you I fell in love with,” I said as I caressed his smooth face.  “But this is fine, too.”  I settled back down in his arms.  “Shaun’s going to be really excited to see you again, if we find him.”

“Not if.  When.”

I smiled weakly.  “I’m really impressed with your parenting instinct, John. He really loves you.  More than he loves me…”

He put a hand on my cheek.  “Don’t say that, Felina.”

“It seems like no matter what I do, I’m messing things up between us.  I wish I knew what I was doing wrong.  What’s your secret?”

“Just honesty.  He’s a really smart kid, and he knows when he’s being condescended to.  He interprets it as mistrust and feels like you don’t respect him.”

“Of course I respect him, but he’s just a child.  He doesn’t need to be subjected to every horrible thing out there.  There’s plenty of time for life to beat him down later.”

“You have to keep in mind how different this world is from the one you grew up in.”

“That’s true…”

“I understand why you would want to preserve his innocence, but that sort of thing puts him at a huge disadvantage in the ruins.  If you think about it, the things I’ve been teaching him ain’t that inappropriate.”

I was quiet for a moment as I considered his words.  “You’re right, as usual.  How did you learn so much about parenting when you’ve never had kids?”

He shrugged.  “I’m just a child at heart, I guess.”

 

* * *

 

We eventually continued on.  Preston approached us as soon as we came through Sanctuary’s gates.  “I thought you were gone for good, this time, General,” he began before he had made it all the way to us.  “It’s almost like you want me to worry…”  He paused in front of us and turned to Hancock, extending his hand.  “Preston Garvey.  And you?”

Hancock smirked and shook his hand.  “John Hancock… Have we met before?”

Preston raised an eyebrow at him.  “If this is a joke, I hardly think it’s appropriate.”  He turned to me sympathetically.

I smiled at him.  “It’s not a joke, Preston.”

He still looked incredibly baffled.  “Am I missing something?”

Hancock put an arm over his shoulder and started walking towards the vertibird.  “Yes.  But don’t worry, we’ll fill you in.”

We got Preston up to speed on everything so far as we lingered by the vertibird, anxious to leave.  Preston decided to come with us.  He wanted to inspect Liberty Prime for himself, so we all went to the Castle.  It was already late in the day and Hancock and I were tired from our travels, so we spent the night there to rest up before continuing our search.


	18. Decay and Shit

Of course I was awake before Felina as we lay on the hard mattress at the Castle.  I admired her beauty in quiet adoration, careful not to wake her as I slowly traced the curves of her body with my palms.  Reclining on my side with my head propped in one hand, I started down by her legs and drew my other hand to her shapely hips and up her torso. 

As my hand came into my view, I stopped, noticing a dark spot on the back.  I sat up and instinctively touched it.  I felt the familiar sting of my exposed muscle being touched.  “Shit...”

I got out of bed and moved quietly across the room to look at my reflection in the full length mirror.  The spot on my hand wasn’t the only one.  I had raw flesh in several different places from my face to my legs.  They weren’t particularly noticeable spots, but I knew what they were.  I recognized them immediately.  “Shit...” 

I picked Felina’s pip-boy up off the dresser and put it on, flipping through the screens until I found the Geiger counter.  I was surprised to see the reading was at zero.  Tentatively, I removed her pip-by and placed it back on the dresser.  My brain raced as I stood there in the middle of the room.  Giving the pip-boy one more quick glance to confirm how early it was, I began getting dressed and grabbed the vertibird keys and the bottle of rad-x off the dresser as I rushed out the door.

I swallowed handfuls of the rad-x as I steered the vertibird toward the Glowing Sea.  I got to Virgil’s cave and ran to the safety of its walls as quick as I could.

“Virgil!”  I was yelling out to him as soon as I entered, but I wasn’t getting a response.  I came across his floor traps and noticed they had been tripped.  A passing glance at his turrets revealed they were destroyed.  I didn’t stop to wonder why.  I kept running until I rounded the corner to his lab.

I got to his lab and just stood there in a panic, trying to assess the situation.  Everything was trashed and broken.  His robot guard was deactivated on the floor, lying next to the corpses of two men in radiation suits.  Many things were missing, including Virgil who was nowhere to be seen. 

I slowly walked over to his chemical station and idly picked up and put down various tubes and beakers with no real purpose other than to keep my hands busy while I thought. 

No one else knew he was out there but a handful of people close to me, and no one would even care except the Institute, but they were gone.  For the most part. _But not completely._

I examined the two dead bodies further.

_“I wish you had left me at the Institute…”_

I ran back to the vertibird and took off to Diamond City.

 

* * *

 

Nick was standing at his desk as I barreled through the door.  “Nick!  I have something to tell you that may be a lead!”

He lifted his head up urgently.  “Not necessary.  I know where Shaun is.”

“You do?”

“Maxson never left the Commonwealth.  I found out he only sent the Prydwen away to protect it, but he and his men went underground – literally.  They are still at the airport, but down below in the sewers.  And they have Shaun.”

“Nick, you’re the best!  I could kiss you!”

“I don’t know how Felina would feel about that…”

I grabbed his head with both hands and gave him a hard peck on the mouth before racing back out the door.  “I have to go!”

Back in the vertibird, I wasted no time getting back to the skies.  I fiddled with the radio and attempted to get in touch with the Castle on my way there.  The Minuteman radio operator finally answered me. 

“It’s Hancock. I need to speak to Felina right away!”

“She’s not here.”

“Where did she go?”

“She and Preston went to the airport.”

_Shit._


	19. The New Up

I woke up alone in bed at the Castle.  _Not this again… Hancock better be out getting breakfast._

I shuffled sleepily to the room’s en suite and lazily left the door open as I took my morning pee.

Ronnie called to me from the bedroom’s doorway, “General!”

I whined with exasperation at the intrusion.  “Wha-a-at?”

“We’ve gotten reports of suspicious activity around the airport.  What would you like us to do?”

“First of all, throw me my dress.”

She tossed the blue garment to me into the bathroom.  I began to pull it on.  “Have you seen Hancock this morning?”

“He left a little while ago in the vertibird.”

I’d barely been awake five minutes and the day was already starting to piss me off.  “Go tell Preston to get ready.”  I emerged from the bathroom and put on my pip-boy before I began putting on my boots.  “We’re going to go on ahead to the airport ASAP and knock that out.  Gather a few other Minutemen to accompany us, whoever is ready now.”

“I’m on it, General!”

Preston and I proceeded on foot to the Boston Airport accompanied by two other Minutemen.  We approached stealthily, but as we reached the main gate, it appeared to be a ghost town.  I turned to Preston.  “What the hell kind of activity was Ronnie talking about?  I don’t see any sign of life anywhere.  Not even so much as a bloatfly.”

“Just the same, let’s keep our guard up and go take a look at Liberty Prime.”

I scowled.  “Whatever.”

I intentionally fell behind everyone, irritated by the day’s events and uninterested in this endeavor.  Completely separated from the rest of them, my eyes scanned the environment for anything worth my attention.  Turning the corner of a building, I saw a child on a stepstool bent over a workbench wearing a three-cornered hat and a German shepherd lying at his feet.

“Shaun!”

His head perked up and he stepped down to the ground.  “Why are _you_ here?”

I rushed to him and dropped to my knees, throwing my arms around him.  “Let’s go home, mi hijo.”

He wiggled out of my grasp.  “No, _Felina_!  This is my home!  You’re a liar and a junkie, and I don’t want anything to do with you!”

“Look, Shaun…”  I pushed my sleeves up and showed him my healed arms that were no longer covered in track marks.  “I’m completely clean.”

“You still didn’t tell me I was a synth, and you’re still not my mom.”

“But …I really _am_ your mother.  Do you remember Father from the Institute?”

“Of course.”

“The blueprints for your synth DNA came from him and he was my son.  That’s you, Shaun.”

“I don’t believe you!  Dr. Li said you killed Father, so even if that _is_ true, I still wouldn’t want anything to do with you since you killed your own son!”

“Wait, a minute.  When could Dr. Li have possibly said that to you?”

“She’s here, along with all the rest of the Institute scientists you _didn’t_ kill.  They are my real family.  They appreciate me and never lie to me and even let me work on things for them.  Important things.”

“What kinds of important things?”

“Liberty Prime.  I have been repairing it.”

“Liberty Prime?!”  The full gravity of the situation started to become clear to me, and I instinctively glanced around in a panic.  “Shaun!  You have to come with me right now.”

“No!  Just get out of here or I’m going to tell them you’re here.”

I grabbed his shoulders.  “Shaun, they are using you.  What do you think Liberty Prime is for?”

“Protection against you and the Minutemen because you want all the scientists dead.”

“No, hijo.  Liberty Prime is a Brotherhood of Steel weapon to attack the Minutemen.  I never wanted to fight with them.  Remember the treaty I was working on?”

“But Dr. Li said…”

My eyes rested on the hat on his head, and it occurred to me where his true loyalties lie.  “Do you know why the Brotherhood of Steel doesn’t like the Minutemen?  Because we want synths and ghouls to be treated as equals, but they don’t.  They want them all dead.”

I could practically see the wheels turning in his head as his face contorted.  “No… The Brotherhood of Steel is protecting the scientists from you –”

“The Brotherhood of Steel shot down the vertibird when Hancock was flying it.  Shot him down. And with no remorse because he’s a ghoul.  Is that the kind of people you want to be around?”

Realization sparked in his eyes. 

“And the Institute was just as cruel.  They killed Hancock’s brother and replaced him with a synth.  They did that same thing to many people throughout the Commonwealth and treated synths as slaves.”  I pulled him close once more, but this time he didn’t resist.  “When you were still a baby… when Father was a baby, they kidnapped him and killed your real father.  They were the bad guys, Shaun.  Not me.  Not the Minutemen.”

With his face against mine, I felt the wet drop of his tear hitting my cheek.

“I won’t keep anything from you anymore that you really want to know, okay?  And I’m really sorry for treating you like a baby.  I was just scared of losing you.  I already lost you once.  I just didn’t want it to happen again.  I love you, hijo.  Please, come home.  Things will be different this time.”

He looked up at me with mournful eyes and a tear rolled down his cheek.  He held his hand out to me.  “I miss dad…” 

I stood up and took his tiny hand in mine.  “Let’s go home, Shaun.  I have more to tell you once we’re out of this place.”

I led him back the way I came and started looking around for the Minutemen.  Preston and the rest of them suddenly appeared, jogging towards me.  “General!  Liberty Prime appears to be fully rebuilt now– “

“No shit.”  I shot Shaun a sideways glance.  He snickered at my use of vulgar language in front of him.  “This place isn’t empty.  We need to get back to the Castle immediately and discuss a plan of action.”

As we hastily made our way to the gate, the ground began to shake with the sound of loud crashes behind us, followed by a booming voice that echoed and crushed the air around us, "VOICE MODULE ONLINE... AUDIO FUNCTIONALITY TEST... INITIALIZED. DESIGNATION: LIBERTY PRIME. MISSION: THE LIBERATION OF ANCHORAGE, ALASKA."

The vibrations in the ground grew and we quickened our pace.  I was holding tightly to Shaun’s hand and practically dragging him while he looked over his shoulder.  Filled with terror, I didn’t dare look behind me. 

“PRIMARY TARGETS: ANY AND ALL RED CHINESE INVADERS!”

I don’t know if it was all the commotion behind us or just tunnel vision from my nearly paralyzing horror, but I didn’t hear or see the vertibird until it was landing right in front of us.  Hancock stood up from the pilot’s seat and waved us over, his coat flailing in the gusts from the whirling blades, and his shouts drowned out by all the cacophony. 

All of us crammed into the vertibird, even the dog, and Hancock pulled us up into the air with bowel-jarring speed.  I was holding Shaun close in front of me with both arms around him as the two of us looked below at the airport.  I felt like I was outside of myself as I laid my eyes for the first time on the terrifying, monumental death machine taking slow, devastating steps in our direction, destroying everything in its path.

"FREEDOM... IS THE SOVEREIGN RIGHT OF EVERY AMERICAN!"

Shaun’s gaze was still fixed on the subversive weapon when he spoke.  You couldn’t hear him in the ruckus, and everyone was also preoccupied with shit-show below, so no one else caught what he said but me when his mouth silently formed the words: 

“I did that…” 

My terror only heightened when I observed the disturbing look of perverse glee and wonderment budding on his face.


	20. Shit to Make Bliss

Liberty Prime shrank in our rearview, but it wouldn’t be long before it reached the Castle.  Hancock fumbled with the radio in an attempt to warn them of the impending attack.  I missed most of what he was saying, distracted by watching Shaun.  His excited amusement from the 40 foot tall robot’s warpath gradually faded into curious distrust as he eyeballed our pilot – the gray-headed human in Hancock’s signature clothes.  The aircraft landed at the Castle, and traces of anger became visible in him as he turned his skeptical gaze my way.

When we touched ground, everyone piled out of the vertibird, rushing to take arms - except for Shaun.  He was still frozen in place, his loyal dog by his feet.  He had a look that could kill when Hancock stepped off the vertibird and came to my side, coat tails fluttering down behind him. 

I knew there was no way to efficiently brooch the Hancock situation right then.  I took a breath and held my hand out to Shaun. “Hijo –“

“Who is _that_!”  He pointed accusingly at Hancock.

Hancock glanced at me nervously before moving back toward the little boy.  “Shaun –“

Shaun squeezed his eyes tight and shook his head.  “I can’t believe you replaced dad already!”  He jumped into the pilot seat and started pulling at levers and pushing buttons.  The blades began to spin for a moment and then slowed down again as the engine made grinding noises.  Shaun began to get frustrated, kicking and swinging at the control panel.

Hancock jumped onto the vertibird’s deck and grabbed Shaun around the waist from behind, pulling him out of the cockpit.  He set the boy firmly on the ground.  “Stop that, right now!  You fucking know better!”

“You’re not my real dad!”

“I never was, killer, remember?”  He calmly reached out to the boy.

“Stop that!”  Shaun pulled a hidden knife and held it out threateningly at him.

“You don’t want to do that, son.”

Shaun tentatively swung the knife a couple times.  “I’ll cut you!”

I just stood there, dumbfounded.  Dogmeat looked equally unsure what he should be doing.

Hancock smirked at him.  “I doubt that.”  He deftly disarmed Shaun and then flung the blade into the dirt beyond us where it stood straight up with a slight thrumming and a couple quivers before resting.  “Shaun – “

Shaun’s face was saturated with rage.  “I don’t _know_ you!”

Hancock gave him the most sincere smile in his arsenal.  “Shaun, I took an anti-mutagen serum.  I know I don’t look like myself, but it’s really me.”

Shaun was starting to back away.  “Bullshit…”

“Virgil, the ex-Institute scientist made it…”

Shaun’s eyes widened as he stared on in disbelief.

I could hear the pounding of vertibirds approaching in the distance.  I looked off toward the airport’s direction with dread.  “We don’t have time for this!  Shaun, just go take shelter inside!”

He and Dogmeat ran off across the Castle’s courtyard.  I grabbed Hancock’s hand and started running the other way to the armory.  “C’mon, we have to get ready!”

My heart was hammering through my chest as I picked up the fat man and gathered as many mini nukes as I could carry.  Hancock took a hit of jet and gravitated toward the minigun that he so rarely had the opportunity to use.  I could hear nearby explosions rattling outside the walls. 

The battle was in full swing when we raced out into the courtyard.  BoS vertbirds were firing at the fort while Minutemen struggled to reload heavy artillery that they had relatively no experience with.  The ground was beginning to lightly rumble.

I heard the booming voice off in the distance, "COMMUNISTS DETECTED ON AMERICAN SOIL. LETHAL FORCE ENGAGED."

I saw Preston at the top of one of the fortress’s walls, armed with only his laser musket as a vertibird hovered nearby, opening fire on him.  I clamored up the stairs to his position, all the while loading the first mini nuke.  I fired it at the BoS aircraft overhead and reloaded before I reached him. 

“I should have killed Maxson when I had the chance!”  I shouted to him, taking a knee beside him and steadying another shot at the same vertibird.

He was aiming at the ground outside the walls at BoS soldiers in power armor approaching on foot.  “You know what they say about hindsight, General…”

“It’s a bitch?”  I released the second mini nuke and the vertibird spiraled out of control into the crashing waves just beyond the northeast side of the Castle.

I quickly scanned the courtyard to try and keep track of Hancock.  He was on top of the central shack that housed the Castle’s generators, firing up at another vertibird.

I looked off in the distance at the giant robot approaching, its metal legs unhindered by the torrent of waves crashing around its ankles.  I launched a mini nuke in its direction, but it fell short of its target.

“Goddammit!”

“Don’t sweat it, General.”  Preston took off down the perimeter of the Castle.  “It will be in range soon enough.”

I inserted another nuke.  “Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of.”

Down in the courtyard, Hancock was still having it out with the same BoS aircraft that was apparently trying to destroy our unmanned, grounded vertibird just to the side of the shack Hancock was standing on.  I carefully aimed a nuke at the offending helicopter, taking it out before I raced to the shack.  “John!  I need you to pilot the vertibird!”  I shouted up to him as I hopped into the vehicle.  “I need to get closer to Liberty Prime!”

He jumped down from the roof, landing on his feet.  “Consider it done!”

We rose up and over the fortress walls, and I steadied myself, laboriously trying to keep the heavy fat man pointed at the towering robot as Hancock circled us in toward it.  Satisfied with our proximity, I pulled the launcher’s trigger.  The mini nuke hurled at the robot, gently crashing into it and disappearing like a snowball being thrown into a fire.

“What the ever-living fuck?!”  I hastily fired again, doing next-to-no damage on the thing.  It began firing lasers at us, skimming across the vertibird’s nose, knocking us into a violent lurch across the sky as Hancock struggled to regain control. 

I lowered the fat man.  “Maybe this was a bad idea…”

“No, love,” Hancock shouted coolly and collectedly.  “It was a good idea in theory, just not in practice.”

“Take us back to the Castle!  We’re going to get pulverized out here!”

“You got it.”

As he turned the aircraft around and the Castle came back into my view, I saw that Liberty Prime was almost upon its walls. _Fuck._

In search of a new plan, my eyes were drawn to the vertibird’s interior momentarily, which was long enough for me to see the tricorn military hat barely visible over the edge of the weapon’s trunk.  “Shaun?!”

The hat slowly rose up and his face came into view.

“What are you doing here?!  I told you to go inside –”

“I can fix it, mom!  Give me a chance!”

“Fix what?”

“Give me your pip-boy!”

I looked over my shoulder at the fast approaching weapon of mass destruction.

"DEATH IS A PREFERABLE ALTERNATIVE TO COMMUNISM!”

Shaun couldn’t possible make the situation any worse.  I removed my pip-boy and thrust it at the little boy. 

He attached it to himself where it hung loosely on his tiny forearm, flipping upside-down.  “Stay near Liberty Prime for a few minutes.”  He pulled the screen back to the top of his arm and started furiously pressing buttons and turning dials.  “I need a screwdriver!”

I started rifling through my ammo bag.  I didn’t carry as much junk on me as I used to, and I wasn’t seeing a screwdriver.  “Hijo, I –“

Hancock suddenly joined the conversation.  “Philips or flathead?”

“Flathead.”

Hancock took his hand off the controls momentarily to snatch the knife from his boot.  He flung it to the back of the vertibird and Shaun caught it without looking up from the pip-boy as it slid across the floor. 

“Thanks.”  He used the tip of the blade to pull the panel off the back, and he hurriedly messed around inside it before tossing it back to Hancock.  The serious look of concentration on Shaun’s face only broke for a split second as he watched Hancock slide the knife back into his boot. 

When he flipped the pip-boy back over, he looked up and twisted a couple knobs.

"DEMOCRACY IS NON-NNNNNN...”

Liberty Prime shuddered to a stop, but only for a moment before it sprang back to life.

“NEGOTIABLE!”

I jerked my head back to Shaun.  “What did you do?!”

He smiled knowingly.  “Just watch.”

The robot started firing its lasers again, but this time at the BoS vertibirds.  I looked on in awe as the enemy aircrafts fell one at a time, crashing into the sea below.

“Are you kidding me?!”  I wrapped my arms around my son.  “Oh my god, Shaun!  That’s amazing!”

He squirmed out of my grasp.  “Mo-o-om!  Not now!”

Hancock brought us in for a landing back at the Castle.  He grabbed his minigun and threw the strap over his shoulder.  Then he grabbed a laser rifle from the trunk next to Shaun and took hold of his hand. 

“C’mon.”  He dragged the boy across the courtyard and up the stairs of the fortress walls as I trailed behind them.  “Shaun?” he asked as we were running.  “Will that thing continue to fight for us without you controlling it?”

“Yeah.”

We reached the top of the stairs and Hancock handed the laser rifle to Shaun.  “Here.”  He pointed on the ground outside of the Castle walls at the power armored soldiers still coming at us on foot.  “Hold them off.”

Shaun looked up at Hancock with admiration, as he began sweeping the minigun across the BoS gunners.  Shaun pulled the laser rifle’s sight up to his face and started firing enthusiastically by his side.  Most of the boy’s shots were direct hits.  With a shrug, I laid the fat man down on the ground and drew my pistol, joining their firefight.

The enemies’ numbers quickly began to dwindle between all the Minutemen raining fire down on them from the fort and their giant robot that had turned on them mid battle.  Once their forces were considerably weakened, the remaining troops began to retreat back to the airport.  Liberty Prime followed after them, still attacking as they became small specks in our field of vision.

I lowered my pistol and turned to Hancock.  “Should we follow them?”

He looked down at Shaun.  “What do you think?”

Shaun set the laser rifle down.  “I think Liberty Prime has it from here.”

I raised an eyebrow.  “You don’t want to call him off the scientists?”

“No way.  They tried to kill mi familia.”

I smiled and grabbed his hand.  He reached for Hancock’s hand at his other side.  The three of us stood on the edge of the Castle’s wall and watched Liberty Prime disappear over the horizon.


	21. Hancock’s Epilogue

Felina and I took Shaun with us when the Minutemen went to investigate the aftermath at the airport.  The Brotherhood had left everything a mess in their hurry to get out of there, but the soldiers themselves were nowhere to be found.  Liberty Prime was pacing aimlessly across the empty runways. 

Shaun pulled the pip-boy up to his face and input a few commands, shutting the giant robot down before handing the personal computer back to Felina.

She smiled at him as she placed the pip-boy back on her arm.  “Are you going to show me how to do that?”

He smirked.  “Later, mom.  It’s kinda complicated.”

She patted his back.  “Maybe we just need to find you your own pip-boy, huh?”

His eyes lit up.  “Oh my god, that would be sooo cool!”

“Those things are hard to come by, Felina.  Don’t get his hopes up like that.”

She scoffed and looked down at her son.  “Well, then why don’t you just build one?  Shouldn’t be too hard for a little genius like you.”

He beamed.  “I could probably do that…with the right parts.”

“Make me a list when we get home and I’ll get everything together for you.”  Felina stuck her tongue out at me behind his back and leaned her face over to my ear, whispering, “Who’s bad cop now?”

I shook my head and whispered back, “I’ll show you ‘bad’ later, love…”

We continued our search of the airport.  The only sign of Maxson we found was the crumpled treaty Felina had written.  The space for his signature was blank, but there was a note scrawled under it that simple said,

“ _You can have the Commonwealth and all its disgusting inhabitants.  It’s beyond hope now_.”

She tossed the stack of papers back on the desk with a half-smile.  “Too bad he’s gone.  I owe him one.”

I gave her a quizzical look. “One what?”

She put her finger to the side of her head and mimicked pulling a trigger.  “Bullet.”

Satisfied that we had seen the last of the Brotherhood, we headed back to Sanctuary.  Shaun ran off to his bedroom the second we came through the door.  Felina and I exchanged a surprised glance.

She shrugged.  “Guess he was homesick.”

I started gravitating to her and took her in my arms.  “That’s fine.  I don’t mind the time to ourselves.”  As I leaned in for a kiss, Shaun came running back out his room, carrying a pipe pistol.  I released my hold on Felina.  “Whoa, easy there, killer!”

He offered the gun to Felina.  “I made this.  It has better accuracy, range, and damage than your old gun.  I call it ‘Esteban’.”

Felina took the pistol from his hand and turned it over, examining it.  “Is this… why you needed the hot plate?”

He was grinning proudly.  “Yeah!  And look.  It’s easier to reload, can hold more ammo, and has a tracking scope and a silencer.”

Felina’s eyebrows were sky high.  “I see that.”

“I was gonna keep it for myself, but you need it more.”  With the laser rifle I had given him earlier still strapped to his back, he patted its barrel.  “Besides, I want to see what I can do with this.”

She knelt down and hugged him.  “Thank you, hijo.  I love it.”

 

* * *

 

Over the next few weeks, it became much more obvious that the serum couldn’t do its job as I started becoming ghoulified again.  Felina actually seemed relieved by this, but I was disappointed for more than one reason. 

I wish Virgil had not fled the Commonwealth so I could talk to him about it.  If nothing else, I wanted to know if the anti-mutagen failed because Fahrenheit was not my daughter after all or if it was for some other reason.  I guess I would never know for sure.  After all these years, I wasn’t going to disrupt the dynamic of our relationship by mentioning it to her now.  It’s best to let sleeping dogs lie.

Felina had started planting the seed in my head that she wanted to go west, but she hadn’t outright asked me yet if I would be willing to.  I think she was waiting for me to finish changing back, out of some sort of silly courtesy.  She didn’t have to do that.  I decided to just let her ask me in her own way, even though I thought it was obvious I would gladly follow her to the ends of the earth. 

I continued to deteriorate to my former self over the next few weeks.  The morning that I woke up and discovered that the transformation back to a ghoul had completed, I found myself alone in our Sanctuary bed.  I got up and took a good look at myself in the mirror before getting dressed.  _This is who I’m supposed to be I guess._  

I finished putting on my frock coat and reached in its pocket for my mentats.  After swallowing a couple, I returned the tin to my pocket and pulled out the “escape plan” serum that was meant to turn me back to a ghoul.  _You’re pretty useless now._

I just stared at the syringe in my palm for a long while.  _Unless…_   If Felina still didn’t have any aversion to becoming a ghoul…

I closed my fist around the needle and put it back in my pocket.  I headed out the bedroom door to look for Felina, already internally trying to piece together the conversation I wanted to have with her about the prospect.  I walked down the hall and didn’t see her in the living room or kitchen.  

Shaun came charging through the house back to his bedroom with Billy and Dogmeat at his heels.  “Hi, dad!”

I called to him across the house, “Have you seen your mom?”

He answered me from the bedroom.  “Yeah, I think she’s out back.  Can Billy and I go shooting in the woods?” 

“Yeah, just be careful.”

“Awesome!”  They came running out of his bedroom once more, this time with his heavily modified laser rifle.  “Bye, dad!”  They disappeared out the front door.

I started toward the side door and went around to the backyard.  Felina was slumped in a lawn chair, her head hanging over the side as she leaned over and jerked at a wave of nausea, retching into the grass beside her.

“Hey!”  I rushed to her.  “Are you okay?”

She weakly nodded, still facing the ground.

I stopped in front of her and knelt down.  “Have you been forgetting to take your rad-x, love?”

She shook her head.  “No, I’ve been taking it.”

I reached for the pip-boy on her arm and checked her rad reading to be sure.  It was at zero.  “You didn’t start doing chems again, did you?”

She shook her head once more, but didn’t say anything. 

“…Mirelurk eggs?”

She just held her stomach and lifted her gaze to meet mine.  She looked tired and drained, but she had a glow in her eyes I couldn’t quite place.

I stared at her, trying to get a handle on the situation, all the while my fingers fidgeting around at the syringe in my pocket.  I thought back on the recent time frame I had spent as a human, and realization started to sink in.  “Are you …pregnant?”

She looked up at me through disheveled tresses hanging in front of her as a serene smile slowly spread across her face.  “I think so, John.”

My fingers released the serum in my pocket and I threw my arms around her.  “Oh, Felina!”

The serum would have to wait.  My wife was going to have my baby.


End file.
